Homo There Are Going to be 800 Gay Softball Players at the Mariners Game Tonight
posted by August 26 at 12:26 PMon
The softballers are in town for the Gay Softball World Series, which goes down in Seattle this week. And they’re no doubt familiar with the rough outline of the Lesbian Kiss Scandal: Two women at a Mariners game were threatened with expulsion if they didn’t stop kissing. The couple maintains that they merely gave each other a few quick pecks; they also claim that they were informed by a “seating host” that other fans were upset by the sight of same-sex kissers at the ballpark—and the women provided the media with a photo they took of a kissing straight couple seated in the same section that wasn’t told to knock it off. The Ms insist that the lesbians were groping each other and making out, that the team doesn’t treat gay fans any differently than it treats straight fans, and that they have just “one standard” for PDA at the ballpark, not different standards for gay and straight fans.
All those visiting gay softball players are probably aware of the story—seeing as it was everywhere—and some might be wondering how to conduct themselves tonight at Safeco Field. The Ms forbid “displays of affection not appropriate in a public, family setting,” which is a little vague. The rule implicitly allows for some displays of affection—those appropriate to a family setting—while forbidding others. But how can the average gay fan know what PDA is appropriate and permissible at Safeco and what PDA is inappropriate and will get you expelled from the park?
I have a suggestion.
One way—perhaps the best way—for gay baseball fans to determine what kind of PDA is permissible in the park is to watch what straight fans are doing. If straight couples are doing it and not being asked to stop, well, then gay couples can do it too. Equal treatment, right? No double standards, right?
So here are some photos I took of a couple of straight fans that I had the pleasure of sitting behind at a recent game (click on image for a larger version):
These two are clearly in love and they were terribly cute together. And while I’m not the PDA type myself, I certainly don’t begrudge this couple their marathon ballpark PDA session. (Luckily my child wasn’t at this game, so I didn’t have to explain to him that some men like to kiss women. But that is my boyfriend’s knee in the shot, and I did have to explain to him what “straight” means. He cried all the way home.) And it was a marathon PDA session: These two were going out at it throughout the entire game—they had their arms wrapped around each other for nine innings—and by my count they kissed each other 37 times. (I didn’t see any tongue but my angle was bad. There could’ve been tongue.) A Safeco Field “seat host” was stationed about ten feet away the entire time and the host was aware of this couple and never asked them to break it up.
So I thought I would share these pictures with the 800 gay softballers who are going to the game tonight. Guys? Wondering what displays of affection are appropriate to a family setting? Just reference these pictures. Heck, print them out and take them to the game with you. And remember, gang, everyone’s equal at Safeco Field. So gay couples at the game should feel free to wrap their arms around each other, hold each other in an embrace that lasts the entire game, watch the game cheek-to-cheek, and can kiss roughly 4.1 times per inning.
Enjoy the game!