Comments on Job Opening: Critiquing Seattle's Most Irresponsible Talkers

Do I have to be a batshit crazy atheist in order to apply? Or are mild mannered agnostics allowed as well?

Thank Goddess that atheists are all normal, non-racist, non-sexist, people who would never grab on to one persons ideological beliefs (Hitchens) and tout them around in a judgmental fashion calling the 'opposite' side derogatory names whilst looking down their nose at all who don't follow said belief.

Fucking hypocrites.

I think it's a terribly entertaining idea. I'm sure it will be right up Sandy Brown's alley; maybe you should have a meeting with him to talk about it?

Let me know if you want comparables from Baltimore, yo.

@1

Isn't the point that you know, I know, everyone knows, what the fnck Mr. Christopher Hitchens says because he or others make it public and comment upon it while what the guy in the church across the street says is comparatively top secret? Then again, maybe not.

Gotta admit, though, this beats pit bulls, youth pastors, differently sexed parents...

Is this a paid position?

And can we bring our pit bulls to church?

This is an excellent idea. I look forward to reading the results. That essay excerpt could provide a handy checklist.

"Gratuitous assertions...check."

Number one on the list: stating or implying that believing claims without evidence is a virtue.

Great idea.

Batshit crazy: God "had" to send his "Son" here as a "human" to "suffer" and "die" to "redemm" our "sins."

This world we see is an illusion, the only reality comes when we empty our minds of all attachments.

The all powerful Gods will give us eternal life if we build these huge triangular structures...better pack all our stuff in the crypt.

Aphrodite, now she sprung from Zeus' forehead.

interesting idea. although, the sermons of most churches are veiled in secrecy. they are often download-able from the church's website.

I wish my Father-in-law was still alive. I'd move him up here to take the job. Raised Catholic, Gay, a PhD in literature and language, fluent in Greek, Latin, with a smattering of Hebrew, and a world-class drunkard to boot. He had a black belt in hoisting people with their own petards.

Tempting...Quite tempting...

Ooh, I just played them simultaneously...my jeebus jones would be completely fulfilled with the addition of Ted Haggard's huge lips flapping at the camera a la "jeebus camp".

Look for my email, Dan. I've totally got this assignment. If you need references, Scary Tyler Moore will vouch for me.

Speaking of irresponsible talkers, anyone catch this little bit of Fox in the church shooting news today?

http://preview.tinyurl.com/5dbx85

Nice, Dan.

www.skeptic.com might be interested in your results. I know I am. Looking forward to this one.

I love this idea on its surface, but it needs to be done in just the right way -- fundies love nothing more than feeling that they are the persecuted targets of the government, pop culture, and of course the media. I think pissing off Dan Savage would be a badge of honor to a lot of preachers, too, once it becomes known that The Stranger has a spy.

I wish I could do it.

I hope you get someone who can find the ones who aren't batshitcrazy too. They need exposure -- and not from being on the news for getting shot up, like today.

Oh hell, @15, you almost make me want to do it. In high school I used to put on a floor length skirt and go to lectures at the Apostolic Christians' annual brou-ha-ha in my hometown. Where they announced e.g. that they'd managed to get the Denver airport to stop playing New Age devil's music.

But if the Stranger can hire the likes of Annie Wagner, Paul Constant and Jonathan Golob, I can't wait to see who they hire to do this job. I mean that in a positive way.

I'm a very proud atheist, but I'm not extremely outspoken unless the topic is broached upon during conversation.

This has always been one of my issues with religion and religious thought. Why is free expression of religion commonly accepted by almost everybody in the world, but free criticism of religion is almost always viewed as uncouthe? It's completely fine to say you hate somebody based on your religious beliefs because it's backed up by some bullshit that was created by humans in the days when bloodletting was one of the top medical cures for illnesses.

What-the-fuck? Why would you ever base your belief in the ever after on such foolish thoughts from such un-educated people during some of the darkest times of humanity?

I like the idea in spirit, Dan, but how on earth is one person supposed to do this job? Have you considered the logistics?

There are over 200 Christian churches within five miles of The Stranger's office alone, at least a thousand within the city limits, and several times that in the inner suburbs.

Your new hire might be able to be present at three sermons each Sunday, maybe find a few more sermons from heads of churches during the week. You'll find more online, of course, but online sermons are edited, or written in advance, and thus not likely to contain the sort of batshit pronouncements you're looking for. And the meaning of a passage can turn on the way the words are spoken, too.

Then there's this: even the controversial preachers generally don't preach something controversial at every sermon, or even very often.

Unless you keep an eye on only a tiny fraction of the churches in Seattle, your church-critic is going to see maybe two sermons at a given church every year.

If you're going to do this and get results, then you're going to need to devote at least as much staff to it as you devote to music criticism, or even all arts criticism combined.

i might be up for it.. although these children meet on sunday mornings at like 8am and 10am ( the bigger congregations always have two seatings these days)
makes sense in an agrarian society when you need to get up to milk cows and gather eggs and shit.. but now in the digital age ? shit's nuts. i stopped going because of the time factor, the crazy talk and the fact that they gets rilly antsy when me and my boyfriend show up. generally i don't go where he cain't go, but i might make an exception in this case.. for the team and all..
and umm ...if the music sucks that'll make it pretty damned hard.. back in my day, we had choirs and singers and congas and tambourines and hammond organs with b-3 speakers..makes the screaming and hollering and speaking in tongues a lot easier to deal with..
your in christ.
riz

I have been to services as a spy at Mars Hill and Anitoch on the eastside and the really controversial shit is pretty hard to come by. (as hard as it is to believe Driscol and Hutch don't gay bash every sermon) So whoever takes on this worthy task, get ready to sit through lots of boring as crap about Paul and those damn letters he wrote in the second half of the New Testament.

Oh, good God! You are a SADIST. This sounds like something from the Discovery Channel's "Dirty Jobs."

When I lived in SC (involuntarily, for high school only) I used to go to all the churches with friends whenever I stayed over at anyone's house (church is a big social thing in the south). My mother is the daughter of a preacher, and so was inoculated at an early age. So we weren't allowed to get too involved with any churches. But the sermons were fascinating in a horror show kind of way. It's actually really revealing and interesting. Not that it excuses it, but a lot of it comes from ignorance.

Growing up Catholic, I have to tell you, those non-denom Christian churches scared the fuck out of me-- and continue to scare the fuck out of me.

I have never once been to a Mass where hatred, hell, or fire and brimstone was preached. I have never once been to a Mass where people holler and scream and roll on the floor because they are "touched" by the Holy Spirit. I have never once been to a Mass where the message was that we needed to be more God "FEARING." I have never once been to a Mass where there was any condemning of teh gays or teh heathens or anyone else.

Nuh uh. Fuck that. Non-denom Christians are so scary because they DON'T HAVE ANY OVERSIGHT. Any crazy mother fucker can declare himself a pastor and preach away.

I think the church goers also get ansy when you show up because you're black.

Really.

Pax, brotha'.

Also fun: the way some sermonizers confuse themselves with Jesus. And their references to popular culture.

How about including expert theatrical criticism? A ratings scale for the segues. A profile of the ideal sermon (8 minutes) and how the current subject measures up. Can Harry Shearer's brilliant Reverend Lovejoy be somehow involved?

A sidebar showing the church's financial situation? How much federal money they're getting for "social programs." Recent growth or decline. What cars the preacher owns. ("Tim Eyman" car scale?)

I wish someone could also evaluate not only these churches' giant new private schools but also their damn day care programs. When asked about her day at Babtist preschool, my three-year-old niece told me they'd learned the letter "O," for "obey."