The Ladies Hagee Still Says Nutty Shit
posted by on June 17 at 17:50 PM
John McCain’s erstwhile spiritual advisor John Hagee—the preacher who blamed gays for Katrina, said Hitler was doing God’s work, , and openly bashed Catholics from the pulpit—had some interesting insights into God’s “ideal woman”—and what the “secular humanists” want her to turn into.
Partial transcript:
God paints the portrait of the ideal woman and he takes time to mention that she is a mother. If the secular humanist of the 21st century took his brush to paint the portrait of the thoroughly modern Millie, it would be with a cigarette dangling out of her mouth, smoke twirling out of her nostrils, language that would make a sailor blush – even Rosie O’Donnell. Her breath would smell like a brewery, a condom in one hand and the feminist manual in the other, listing the local abortion clinics to snuff out the life that was within her body. Her allegiance is always to her career. Her children are latchkey children who come home and who live alone until mother and daddy finally arrive after dark.Women can render service in many secular fields, but God says her highest and best field—in God’s opinion!—is that of being a mother. [… ] When mothers instill into their children honesty, responsibility, integrity, truth, industry, and a sense of honor, America’s future is secure. But when mothers abandon those principles, America is finished it’s over.
Neat! I can’t reveal any of the super-secret details about the Feminist Manual, but suffice it to say it’s right there on my bookshelf next to the Loose Girl’s Guide to Your Best Abortion Ever! and Lesbian Sodomy for Dummies.
I actually kinda liked the speech. Sure, the feminist manual might have been a step to far, but the condom is a legitimate symbol of promiscuity.
I actually kinda liked the speech. Maybe the feminist manual was a step too far, but the condom is a legitimate symbol of promiscuity.
I hate beer. My breath smells more like a distillery. Oh, and for good measure Fuck. Fuck damn shit asshat fucking fuck damn shit.
Whew, that felt good. Now excuse me while I go lock my kid in the basement and run off to the abortion clinic to get rid of the fetus that's festering inside of me because obviously clutching the condom in my hand was not an effective birth control method.
You just know that guy has a rimming stool somewhere in his basement.
And my dear Barnett, you should have Mr. Poe sign those books for you!
Holy jeez. Who needs sketch comedy when you have this gold?
I'm still waiting to see Hagee high-fiving all the young, single moms in line at DSHS applying for child care vouchers, congratulating them on their fulfillment of the female vocation. Or are they the manual-toting types as well?
i like the seemingly out of context line "-even rosie o'donnel." i guess just name dropping rosie says it all. and where is this god brush, i want to do some work around here...
also, does god really have "opinions" about women? seems like hagee's idea of god is some fat guy sticking his nose into other peoples business...oh wait...
Do women such as those the Rev. Hagee describes truly exist? And if so, where can I get their phone number?
His description of the secular woman would make a great tattoo.
That feminist manual sounds like it would have all kinds of useful information.
He's spot on except that we secular humanists don't hold with children deserving a mother AND a father. Those latchkey children will live alone until mother and mother OR daddy and daddy finally get home.
Dear Sirs,
I did not receive my 2008 feminist manual in the mail yet this year. Please send 1 copy immediately!
it would be with a cigarette dangling out of her mouth, smoke twirling out of her nostrils,
This is a dated speech - the secular superwoman has given up the deathsticks.
Dude, I need a copy of Lesbian Sodomy for Dummies. I'm guessing there's lots of pictures?
My god this guy is such a noxious windbag. Can you imagine having to assume the missionary position for him? >>
The Christianists are all about using body parts for their "god-given" purposes -- penises go in vaginas, uteruses must squirt out babies... otherwise god gets very, very angry. And you don't want to see him when he's angry.
@17: just ask Iowa.
Thoroughly Modern Millie? Wasn't that an old movie from the late 60s with Julie Andrews and Mary Tyler Moore? How far off the deep end is this guy when he thinks even Mary Poppins and Laura Petrie are slutty?
Very ROFL-worthy. Erica, thanks for this--you are a delight.
Did the "mother and daddy" part make it seem to anyone else that Hagee was saying that the woman is the genetic mother, but the man is some sort of one-night-stand or fling or something similar? If it was "mommy and daddy" or "mother and father" then I wouldn't think this, but the way he says it gets to me. GAH this dude blows.
I wonder what modern Mark is up to these days?
His speech does touch the point that parents do need to get back to parenting rather than just 'having' children around which I can respect and agree with but why is it only the job of a woman?
@22 I think he just has a "daddy" and it slipped out.
"listing the local abortion clinics to snuff out the life that was within her body" . . . "Her children are latchkey children who come home and who live alone until mother and daddy finally arrive after dark."
Whoa, she went to the abortion clinics and *still* has the audacity to put her children in daycare? I wonder how that works!
How about Rev. Wright ? Why don't you find out what nutty things he's been saying lately
I can't help but think that "Lesbian Sodomy for Dummies" would make a great coffee table/pop-up book.
All I could think of while listening to this guy rant was Teapot Dome era political cartoons.
@14 - This is a dated speech - the secular superwoman has given up the deathsticks.
Agreed!
Love how the fundies always miss the bit in Proverbs where "the wife of strong character" is running her own business at a profit ("She considers a field and buys it; From her earnings she plants a vineyard.") Doesn't that mean God wants women to be entrepreneurs?
Goodness gracious, these modern damsels Rev Hagee describes seem to be positively scandalous, the way they frequent tobacconists, spend Sunday afternoon riding hither and yon in fast motorcars with men to whom they aren't even betrothed, and kick up their heels dancing the Lindy Hop in speakeasies until the wee hours. For how long can our fair republic withstand the assault on our morals represented by this wanton tide of devil-may-care-ness? Surely even now our beloved Creator must be gazing down with jaundiced eye at the sorry state of this, his most beloved of nations. How long before he sees fit to smite us with an outbreak of the palsy, or a plague of boll-weevils?
Mark the good Reverend's words: loose, flibbertigibbet women will be the death of us all.
I wonder where I might meet some?
Doesn't Savage have a copy of Lesbian Sodomy for Dummies?
Also, I really need to update my feminist manual. The one I have says "love the children you do have", but apparently when I have kids I should leave them alone at all times in order to be a good feminist. Noted!
I guess I need to start hangin' with Rev. Hagee, that sounds like my ideal woman right there.
@9: shit, didn't read through...if you get a list of numbers, share it with me, eh?
One more thing...can we stop Deifying Abraham Lincoln please? He was nothing but a railraod toadie, worse than Halliburton-Bush. He did things to the Constitution Bush never dreamed of, in fact he set the precedent.
I guess we all fall in line for the "Emancipation Proclamation" which happened two years into a losing war...he fired the entire supreme court, he suspeded habeas corpus, he needed tax money from the souther states to complete the railroad project that got him elected, and got him killed.
I'm no southern apologist, it was time to do it, but Lincoln was a political pig of Bushlike standards. He paved the road we are on right now.
This may be the best man to represent McCain and his history with women since McCain: Got together with wife Cindy (aka. c-word) solely to bail himself out financially; openly dated the Cindy before abandoning his wife and mother of his children Carol (after she had been crippled in a near fatal car crash, rehabilitated herself and waited for him to come home from the war) and married Cindy days after is divorce was finalized; says that states should be able to overturn roe vs. wade.
McCain and his assfuck of a preacher are officially my enemies, and the enemy of all self respecting women who don't have their feet planted firmly in the 1930's or their heads firmly up their asses.
This man should be given back to the North Vietnamese and put back in a bamboo cell. That is all.
When was this speech done? How out of date can you be? Latch key kids, Rosie O'Donnell and condom controversies are so 20 yrs ago.
Tribalist clap trap. Clearly, having so many babies is what's killing this planet. What a simple minded old fool Hagee really is. Too bad there are other fools willing to believe his shit and send him their money as well.
Ha! Great post.
This right-wing, bloviating hatemonger is an excellent argument against freedom of speech. People should be required to demonstrate a level of education and critical thinking before being subjected to such drivel.
The really sad thing is that Hagee is referring to the Feminist Manual, 3rd edition. Dude! Everybody's on 5th ed. by now.
I wonder how many anti-depressants his wife has to ingest in order to get out of bed in the morning?
He has no idea how successfully his own little ideal woman is killing him with a diet of bacon and condensed milk/cool whip desserts.
"Just one wafer-thin mint, dear?"
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