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Friday, May 2, 2008

Poetry and Pomegranates

posted by on May 2 at 14:44 PM

split_pom.jpg

The Seattle PI had a poetry contest and picked this poem as the best:

“Bloodspell” by Marie-Caroline Moir:

Now just ho there, splayed peacock,

and spare the poor girl but a ruby

from your pomegranate heart.

She’s far goner than long and

nosing that notch in your seashell ear

(the mere thought of it!)

just sends her —

wakes her daily with a tickle/thump

before the shuffling on of sun,

and the augur of hair patties from the

mystic drain.

Should you not want her,

she may end up in rubber sandals

and very loose pants,

at some artists’ commune

stuffed up in the Ozarks.

Making origami jockstraps

and other gestures of homage.


This is what the judges had to say about “Bloodspell”:

The poem demonstrates a wonderful mixture of sincerity and surprising humor, alloying its various tones and moods into something completely its own. The language leaps energetically from one verbal register to another (we go from the arcane and serious ‘augur’ to the gross and everyday ‘hair patties,’ from the antiquated greeting ‘ho’ to unmistakably contemporary language), and the imagery — pomegranate heart, hair patties, origami jockstrap — is as original as it is vivid.

The above reasons for admiring the poem are as bad as the poem itself.

RSS icon Comments

1

Zzzzzz. And you posted this why?

Posted by Bwana | May 2, 2008 3:00 PM
2

cmon now, i like it

Posted by mnm | May 2, 2008 3:11 PM
3

Ugh...my pomegranate heart aches upon reading this, my body twitches in aversion, and my eyes wish to bleed...

Posted by cunei4m | May 2, 2008 3:12 PM
4

Poetry sucks, but the writer is awfully cute.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/ae/361427_poetry02.html

Posted by Jason Josephes | May 2, 2008 3:14 PM
5

"Seashell ear." Holy fucking shit.

Posted by Paul Constant | May 2, 2008 3:17 PM
6

"Hair patties from the/mystic drain." HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

Posted by Paul Constant | May 2, 2008 3:18 PM
7

poetry is hell.

Posted by SeMe | May 2, 2008 3:31 PM
8

In the immortal words of Mickey Rooney, "How many seconds is this piece of shit?"

Posted by AMB | May 2, 2008 3:34 PM
9

Oh Stranger, SO hip, sitting there in Capitol Hill lobbing snark at the mainstream media.

You guys should get over yourselves. Seriously. It's one thing to call them out for poor reporting or not watchdogging. But this?

So junior high. And disappointing.

Posted by boring | May 2, 2008 3:39 PM
10

I think the critical appraisal is worse; this might just be a lighthearted poem not meant to bear much thinking about, but to pick out its flaws as attention-getting is just plain MFA-grade bullshit.

Posted by MvB | May 2, 2008 3:43 PM
11

Let's see YOU write a great poem SLOG... c'mon.. i dare you.

Posted by M | May 2, 2008 3:48 PM
12

This is the kind of B-side poem that makes people hate poetry. Here's Elizabeth Bishop, to cleanse your palate:

Exchanging Hats

Unfunny uncles who insist
in trying on a lady's hat,
--oh, even if the joke falls flat,
we share your slight transvestite twist

in spite of our embarrassment.
Costume and custom are complex.
The headgear of the other sex
inspires us to experiment.

Anandrous aunts, who, at the beach
with paper plates upon your laps,
keep putting on the yachtsmen's caps
with exhibitionistic screech,

the visors hanging o'er the ear
so that the golden anchors drag,
--the tides of fashion never lag.
Such caps may not be worn next year.

Or you who don the paper plate
itself, and put some grapes upon it,
or sport the Indian's feather bonnet,
--perversities may aggravate

the natural madness of the hatter.
And if the opera hats collapse
and crowns grow draughty, then, perhaps,
he thinks what might a miter matter?

Unfunny uncle, you who wore a
hat too big, or one too many,
tell us, can't you, are there any
stars inside your black fedora?

Aunt exemplary and slim,
with avernal eyes, we wonder
what slow changes they see under
their vast, shady, turned-down brim.

Posted by Irena | May 2, 2008 4:44 PM
13

Here's the best poem I ever wrote

MASTER LOCK

Little girl
Did you ever see the commercial where the bullet goes through the lock
but the bond remains unbroken?
That's why you're in my footlocker
And your parents are on TV, crying
We're going to have some fun

I tried to get that one on a Metro bus, but no dice. The hell?

Posted by Jason Josephes | May 2, 2008 4:48 PM
14

You should probably read the second and third-place entries. I do not quibble with the pick.

Posted by annie | May 2, 2008 4:49 PM
15

Ode to a Blond Nelly

I think that I
shall never see
a boy as gay
as P-O-E.

Hey! Nancy boy!
I want to bang
your blond box!
Now!

Sweet of face
and kind of soul,
I'd like to eat
the hair from his mole.

THE END

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | May 2, 2008 5:38 PM
16

Hrmph. My Ogden Nash got no love yesterday, and Ogden deserves praise if anyone does.

Posted by leek | May 2, 2008 7:20 PM
17

Dear Chuck:

I apologize for all the crap I've given you lately. This post is right on target.

Posted by Spoogie | May 2, 2008 7:33 PM
18

Typical MFA shit, sucking the last few drops out of the dying body of poetry with extremely self-conscious cleverness and narcissistic wordplay. At least she didn't write this piece of crap in the first person narrative. Blech.

Posted by Bob | May 2, 2008 7:35 PM
19

@ 13: LOL

I bet the winner is sitting at home laughing at how well she put one over on them.

Posted by Wolf | May 3, 2008 6:46 AM
20

Fuckin A, Mudede

Posted by Middleman | May 3, 2008 3:03 PM
21

Hey Poodede,

Sure am shocked at your crap-slinging. I forgot tht only self-righteous, one-note pricks with a robust lot of contempt for any piece of art, writing or otherwise, that wasn't borne of their own pompous, flabby gray matter (or that of their loser-ass friends who care only to pose as the avant-garde on Capitol Hill street corners in their tight jeans and holey cardigans) would take the time to snark on a poet who is actually rather original and interesting.

Of course, it wouldn't do to actually like something. It'd ruin your rep.

P.P.S. Try going to a packed reading of this poet's, then feel free to make a judgement. Or try getting off your parasitic ass and writing something of your own impetus, rather than waiting for someone else to create something you can criticize.

P.S. Didja ever think it was perhaps a humorous poem, meant to be facetious? Probably not, 'cause only you can be funny, right?

Posted by HappyFunTime | May 5, 2008 10:16 PM
22

Quote:
Originally Posted by mudede

"This regret failed to make into the paper: 5) Associate Editor Charles Mudede regrets comparing DJ Spooky to the 19th century German philosopher Hegel in the May 5th-May 11th issue. The comparison was simply stupid."

Actually, the one that needs to make it in to the paper:
Quote:
Originally posted by iSkratch

"Apparently, for many years, The Stranger has featured various writings by a complete drooling moron known as 'Charles Mudede,' who attempts to comment on subjects he has not the faintest understanding of. We regret the error."

>>> this was from 2006. charles mudede has to be one of the dumbest critics i have ever encountered.

stupid stupid stuuuuuuuuuupid motherfucker
there is more from this stupid motherfucker!!!

how bout this:
Quote:
originally posted by artdish

"Charles Mudedeís arguments are themselves too reliant upon the ďassociationĒ theory that he posits in his Slog post. Perhaps this is because he has spent so much time pouring over the writings of Hegel and his intellectual descendants. Like most of the Continental philosophers who have followed him, Hegelís idea of argument was to make every phenomenon a metaphor for his theory and then extrapolate this theory into a metaphor for everything else.
This takes me back twenty years to when I was a college sophomore. At that time, I could not write a paper or have a conversation without grafting the names of everybody I had read over the last few semesters onto my own thoughts. So it is with Charles: he can imbue his romantic and child-like observations with all the weight of the Western intellectual tradition, but it only succeeds in leaving the more astute reader somewhat embarrassed for him."

quote:
charles in charles

"As one who has taught at the college level, I can assure the old bean that a vast distance exists between what I produce and what college students frequently produce for their professors. Also, itís very American of him to believe that once you are done with college, you are done with reading and mentioning hard books. Also, sir, do your best, your damnedest not to play the Hegel game with me. And remember this for future contests: I received a European education and so European thought dominates my thought. Your education or background might find that kind of thing hard to accept. The problem might be a matter of you becoming accustomed to people who donít exactly look like you but take ideas very seriously."


From the who?

No source?

This isn't your own little billboard for personal responses.

plus, he or she is right. you suck and I'm embarrassed to lend my eyeballs to the advertising that pays your salary.

Stick with your pontification amid police reports, and get a day job kthx.

Posted by Lake | November 2, 2007 2:26 PM
2
I think that character from Artdish is spot on with his analysis of you.

Posted by Sammy | November 2, 2007 2:29 PM
3
Yup. You fail.

Posted by The Baron | November 2, 2007 2:35 PM
4
Seriously, Charles -- you're ridiculous. This Artdish of which you speak (why no link?) has you nailed: these days, only college sophomores in the Duke English Department can get away with one-note Marxist critiques of, well, everything. Bragging about your education only confirms Artdish's point -- that you're far too insistent on proving, over and over again, just how smart you really are, really. Most people outgrow that, no matter their academic pedigree. Could you please, please stop being a pompous asshole before I quit reading Slog just to avoid your self-impressed bullshit? Kisses!

Posted by No, Charles. Nooooo! | November 2, 2007 2:58 PM
5
Perhaps you should all retire to the comfort of your cubes and stop talking trash about things you clearly know nothing about. Get back to what you do best, wasting time on the corporate dime... let it lie, you're blathering is more boring than watching oatmeal congeal.

Posted by morgan | November 2, 2007 3:07 PM
6
He nailed you. This is was a headshot that connected and killed.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | November 2, 2007 3:16 PM
7
this will come as a surprise to you people, and the idiot at artdish, but i actually do sustained and researched work in marxist theory. the slog, however, is not best venue for that kind writing. this is a blog!

Posted by charles mudede | November 2, 2007 3:34 PM
8
The Enemies of Mudede do more to make me feel more smug and superior than all the non-vegetarians and men who have abdominal fat sculpting in the world combined. Those who hate Charles Mudede make me feel special in a way that I can only compare to the way Ayn Rand's fans make me feel.

Thank you all.

Posted by elenchos | November 2, 2007 3:35 PM
9
Did you seriously just type the words, "You people?" That is so bourgeoise. How's that for Marxist theory?

Posted by Joselito | November 2, 2007 3:37 PM
10
Enough with the seemingly virulent Mudede hate already. Don't read his posts, simple enough!


Posted by charles charles charles | May 6, 2008 2:44 AM
23

A very good friend of mine wrote this poem. Perhaps had you seen her read this aloud, you would have better understood the humor. I'm sorry to see that you missed the point.

Her poetry is both witty and flirtatious, and her win was well deserved. This is exactly the kind of poetry I prowl bookstores for, and would have loved it just as much were she a complete stranger.

I'd love to see you try and do better.

Posted by Beth | May 9, 2008 7:16 AM

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