Character Study Maxine at Mother’s Day Brunch
posted by on May 12 at 10:00 AM
In honor of Mother’s Day and the fact that my grandmother is the most awesome person I know, I decided to slow down on the free booze at brunch and ask my grandmother some questions.
There’s my grandson! We never see you; why can’t you come around once in a while? You can at least call. You have a phone, right?
I just saw you last week! How old are you now, Grandma?
Seventy-Eight dear. Oh my, what a horrible question to ask. Get out of here.
Come on, that’s not that old.
You know I was at church and Father was asking about you?
Come on, “Father” doesn’t even know who I am. I went to church with you when I was 13. There is no way he remembers me!
He Does! He asks about you, and some girl there asks about you, too.
No way.
You got a girlfriend yet? When you getting married? Are you making good money?
No. Never. No.
My friend’s grandpa turned 100 today and threw a baseball at the Mariners game!
Does he play for them? Is he married?
No he doesn’t play for them, but he is 100 years old—he got to throw the first pitch because he was turning 100. I have no idea if he is married, but he is a little old for you, don’t you think?
Here, take five bucks. You know I always save five bucks for you. Take a nice girl out sometime. What about her? That girl right there.
That’s the neighbor, and she’s, like, 14. Come on, what’s wrong with you? Stop pointing!
Girls look so much older these days. Maybe she has a sister?
So what number Mother’s Day is this for you now?
Well let’s see, I was born in 1930 and had Johnny when I was 18. So 1948 was the first… I believe this is my 60th Mother’s Day.
Wow that’s a shitload of Mother’s Days! Excuse me… sorry!
Brayden! I should wash your mouth out with soap. You used to be so cute! What happened?
Sorry! So, who do you want to win the election?
Oh dear, I don’t really care. Just get that damn Bush out! He is messing up the whole stinking world. We need women in charge—they are smarter and it is about time. You got a girlfriend yet? When you getting married? You need to meet a nice girl. Here, take five bucks!
Okay, no! I will be right back. I’m going to get a drink.
We need more grandma interviews on Slog.
Sigh . . . I wish I still had a grandma. Thanks for that.
Hear, hear! Three cheers for Grandma!
Grandmas are great, I miss mine. Once when she moved to a new house we went over to help her unpack. Before she even opened the first box she somehow had orange juice and cookies out for us. I always used to go over to her house to watch the Kentucky Derby and we would bet on who would win. Then again, we would bet on the Miss America Pageant. Now that I think about it maybe grandma had a gambling problem, but at 13 who knows the difference. She was pretty blind, too. One time she called me in a panic to tell me my horse was being attacked. I went over to see what was wrong and it was just scratching itself on a tree. But she could always see if you had a stain on your shirt, even if it was tiny.
The grandma I love is on her death bed right now. I wish my other grandma was. They're only relevant if they're funny.
My Oma was the most awesomest grandmother in the world. She used to walk up to random men on the street and grab their junk and make vulgar remarks to them. How many people had grandma's that loved to grab random cock? Mine did. Fuck, I miss that crazy old bitch.
Your grandma rocks!
My grandmother gets nicer with every stroke she has.
Makes me miss my Grandma. When she was young and single, she and her girlfriend drove from Seattle to Vancouver and they stopped at every bar along the way and had a drink.
This was back when drunk driving didn't exist.
She was a woman who always had cocktail hour every evening. I suppose it helped one get through the evening news.
She also made terrific angel food cake.
I love your Grams! And love this photo too
my grandma rosie (91) is in a home because she became way too difficult for my mother to live with anymore.( tv preachers blaring all day and night, refusing to use the toilet peeing in a bucket instead, and telling every other person they were surely going to hell ). her first night there the old dear church lady was about to get a bath from the evening caretaker, but she kicked her out of the room exclaiming " get your hands off me you bull dagger. i know the onliest thing you want is to come in here and play with my pussy ! "
god i miss that lady..
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