News More From the Anti-Immigration Vodka Boycott Douchebags
posted by April 11 at 12:35 PMon
Here is the full story about why right-wing anti-immigration jackasses are boycotting Absolut Vodka. I’m working with one of my favorite bars right now to have a pro-immigration Absolut Happy Hour—more details soon—but the boycotters have sent out another goddamned press release. Bolds are mine, everything else (sic):
BoycottAbsolut.com Thanks American Vodka Brand SKYY for Criticism of Absolut!
April 11, 2008
Contact: ALIPAC, email@example.com, (866) 703-0864
History was made today when American made SKYY Vodka sent out a press release proudly supporting the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo and criticizing Absolut for their offensive advertising in Mexico.
“This is the first time we have ever seen an American brand stand up, recognize, and support US Sovereignty against an import that is pandering to illegal immigration supporters,” said William Gheen of ALIPAC. “We want to thank SKYY Vodka for showing themselves as a patriotic and top shelf alternative to Absolut.”
The National Illegal Immigration Boycott Coalition (NIIBC) plans to incorporate the news from SKYY Vodka into their boycott website at www.boycottabsolut.com All coalition groups will be encouraged to share this historic news.
All boycott supporters will now be encouraged to try SKYY Vodka, as a show of thanks to the American brand for standing up for Americans!
“I like SKYY Vodka!”, said William Gheen. “It is great to be able to have an occasional martini without contributing to a Global corporation, like Absolut, that is encouraging the invasion of my nation.”
This is ridiculous. I was going to write, “This is getting ridiculous,” but it was already ridiculous before. It’s wonderful to know that SKYY supports the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, but how do they feel about the Monroe Doctrine? What’s Bacardi’s stance on the Magna Carta? Does Budweiser support habeas corpus? Still and all, those who think that these people are idiots should probably put SKYY on their list of stupid-ass companies that don’t deserve your hard-earned drunk-makin’ money, right next to Coors.