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Friday, December 28, 2007

While I Was Gone

posted by on December 28 at 15:15 PM


Jonah and Josh (the male cabal that forms two-thirds of the Stranger’s news staff) took advantage of my absence to write this totally offensive look back at 2007 “with” (they wish!) Venus Velazquez, the foxy onetime City Council candidate last seen losing to Bruce Harrell thanks to a DUI. Those two really know how to kick a lady when she’s down! Anyway, here’s an excerpt.

Best Decision of the Year: No. And Hell No.

The voters get credit for making the best decision of 2007. When it came to Seattle’s waterfront, voters wisely said no to Mayor Nickels’s expensive (and unfunded) tunnel option and no to Olympia’s retrograde elevated rebuild. Both options were bad news for the environment and downtown. Invaluable bonus: The “No” and “Hell No” votes put the “surface/transit” option in play, which is good for the environment and will be killer for the neighborhood. Double bonus: Surface/transit guru Cary Moon is foxy.

Venus Velázquez says: First of all, I’m way foxier than a hippie like Cary Moon. Second of all, the best decision of the year was mine, when I refused to take that fascist sobriety test. Did anyone check to see if Bruce Harrell was fucking drunk? You know, I know where that guy drinks and I know for a fact he’s wasted after two beers.

RSS icon Comments


cary moon IS foxy.

Posted by max solomon | December 28, 2007 3:19 PM

So it's OK to drive drunk as long as you're foxy?

Posted by Fnarf | December 28, 2007 3:32 PM

I adore the Stranger does. But impersonating people in articles frustrates your credibility enormously.

Posted by Lake | December 28, 2007 3:45 PM

*most of what

Posted by Lake | December 28, 2007 3:46 PM

Oh, you men! *places hands on hips, taps foot*

Posted by laterite | December 28, 2007 3:50 PM

psshh. I am ... was a Velazquez supporter, and I found this article hilarious.

It would be nice, however, to have some sort of signifier for pieces published in the actual paper that are completely made up. Secret code anybody? Common sense obviously isn't cutting it most of the time for a lot of people.

Posted by *gong* | December 28, 2007 3:55 PM

Two white journalists calling Bruce Harrell an African American Asian man a gorilla was a wee offensive, and worst of all, the piece was not even funny, except for the part about Bruce drinking at Earl's, my old watering hole.

Posted by SeMe | December 28, 2007 3:57 PM

@5: At least Erica doesn't turn them upside down when they rescue her from a dungeon, or constantly fold her arms under her breasts and glare.

Posted by Greg | December 28, 2007 3:59 PM

Offensive? Not really.

Funny? Not really.

Posted by Mahtli69 | December 28, 2007 4:00 PM

How dare they kick a lady while she's down!

Since it's so offensive, lets post it again for maximum effect!


Posted by NapoleonXIV | December 28, 2007 4:56 PM

And besides, V is a lightweight compared to this dame. She blew a .55
Holly crap them Oregonians be drinking. No wonder theyre able to vote for good progressive transit packages and shit.

She can out drink all you fools.

Posted by SeMe | December 28, 2007 5:32 PM

That was a really lame article. I'm glad you're back!

Posted by jamier | December 28, 2007 6:12 PM

people who take the time to write about what a lame article a lame article is, are lame.

Posted by watcher | December 29, 2007 3:25 PM

What about people who take the time to write about a lame article about what a lame article a lame article is? Honh? What about those people?

Posted by croydonfacelift | December 30, 2007 12:54 AM

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