Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« DV-One Sentenced | Manufactured Crisis »

Friday, December 14, 2007

Santa: Drunk and at Liberty

posted by on December 14 at 15:52 PM

Santa was at Liberty on 15th last night, enjoying the hell out of himself. The barman said Santa had killed the keg of Liberty Ale and moved on to pints of Stella. (“I don’t know what the reindeer are drinking,” the barman said.) The flask lodged between Santa’s substantial belly and for-decorative-purposes-only belt was empty. “I drank it already,” he said. About the belly: “That’s real,” he said with pride. “That’s a lot of beer.” Santa doesn’t like gin. “When Santa drinks gin,” he said, “he tastes it for three days.” Santa was unconcerned that his suit made him look fat.

Santa put the crowd drinking at Liberty at a 50/50 naughty-to-nice ratio. He was given to promising women brand-new canary yellow cars. Santa likes the ladies, it was clear, and he’s seeking to address the wage gap as best he can.

One woman posed for a photo with Santa and her martini. Regarding her photograph afterward, she said, “I look kind of guilty.” What did she ask for? “To please make him fall into the ocean and float far, far away.” Who? “Santa knows.”

Santa and the owner of Liberty (which also serves sushi) discussed fishing; Santa’s an avid fisherman and will be getting back to it in Cancun in January. (In an aside, the owner of Liberty reported that both of Santa’s hands were visible in the majority of the evening’s photographs, “so that’s good.”)

Mrs. Claus was present, too, wearing silky dark red and a jingle-bell bracelet. She interrupted an extended conversation with Santa.

“Are you getting in trouble?” she said.

“I’m not telling lies!” he said.

“You’re going back to the North Pole in about five minutes,” she said.

Someone told Santa that they hadn’t seen him in a long time, that they’d missed him. “I’ve always been here, and I’ll always be here, forever and ever and ever,” he said. “You just have to believe in your heart.”

Tonight, Santa’s at the Tasting Room; tomorrow night, at BalMar.


RSS icon Comments


My roommate and I went to get our picture taken w/ Santa and he was quite drunk by the time we arrived at 8:30. I admit, I contributed by buying him a Liberty Ale, and the foxy Mrs. a Guinness.
He'll be drunk again tonight at The Tasting Room in Post Alley. Go celebrate the alcoholidays!

Posted by santa'svictim | December 14, 2007 4:09 PM

What? Nothing on SantaCon romping thru Wallingford last Saturday?

Where are all my drunken Burning Man Santa Peeps?

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 14, 2007 4:15 PM

Ummm, I hesitate to spoil the fun, but if Santa could blow more than 0.08 when he left Liberty, then they were overserving him.

Posted by Perfect Voter | December 14, 2007 4:55 PM

In all fairness to my husband of around 1560 years - Santa Claus, he is about to have his annual traipse around the world in his sleigh in a few weeks, and he needs to blow of some steam before this annual difficult period of his life. Santa is not young any longer, and Christmas Eve takes a lot out of him. So, these conditioning romps such as the one at Liberty last night are really a necessity.

You should have seen him during the Reagan years - he was drinking straight Bourbon then due his clinical depression, and was giving out a lot of coal at the White House. So, a little beer hurts no one.

Posted by Ms. Santa Claus | December 14, 2007 4:56 PM

Why get your picture taken with plain old Santa when you can have your picture taken with Elvis instead? It's for kids (Pop Tots is a kids store), but anyone can come and bring their pet or just get a picture of themselves and the King. Bring your own camera, there'll be cupcakes from Cupcake Royale. There's a cool tatoo parlor next door if you want to hit it first. Pop Tots, 6405 Roosevelt Ave., Ravenna, 206-522-4322,

Posted by left coast | December 14, 2007 5:33 PM

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).