Politics Open Letter to the People with the Megaphone and Orange Bandanas and the “Stop the War Now, Impeach Bush for War Crimes” Poster Out on Broadway Right Now
posted by August 31 at 19:39 PMon
All I wanted was to come home from work and take off my shoes and relax for a second. It’s stopped raining. It’s kinda nice out. It’s a busy corner, yeah, but the noises are kind of nice once you get used to them, all squeaks and hisses. But here you are again, you goddamn people.
There will be no relaxing this evening because you have decided that the people on Broadway are, I dunno, Bush supporters or something. All those Bush supporters skulking around Broadway on a Friday night after work. You two holding up that handpainted sign? With that explosion (or is that a clump of French fries?) there in the middle? Good work guys. And you with the megaphone? Who just said, “The world awaits, the future beckons, wear orange, drive out the Bush regime!”
Come again? Orange? Wow. Orange. That’s your solution. We should all wear orange. Good thinking! Because everyone looks good in orange? Or because that will somehow help with impeachment proceedings? Because, I dunno, peaches are orange? You other three without a sign or a megaphone to hold, with orange bandanas across your foreheads? Oooh, don’t impeach me! And you fourth and last guy wearing your bandana around your neck? Rebel!
I tried to think of the most relaxing music I could think of, and naturally Belle & Sebastian came to me, and in these circumstances one would have to start with “Get Me Away from Here I’m Dying,” which I currently have on full blast, and I’m sitting two feet from the speakers, because—well, let’s see, if I turn off the music for a second—
If only 2% of people who wanted him impeached would wear orange, that would literally represent millions and millions of people!
Did you really just say that? Uh, that wouldn’t literally represent millions of people, it would literally be millions of people, given the U.S. population. But anyway I still don’t understand how orange is going to—
Wear orange today if you think that torture is wrong. If you think it’s wrong to have simulated drownings and to hook up batteries to genitals. If you think it’s wrong to be killing civilians in Iraq you should stand up and wear orange with us.
Why do we have to stand up? Can’t we just take a nap? As for this orange obsession, don’t get me wrong, I love orange juice. I love oranges. I love the color orange. It was my class color in high school. We used to invade assemblies with orange traffic cones, orange basketballs, orange-painted hair. I mean, I didn’t, the cool kids did, I had no friends, if I’d worn orange I would have been kicked to death. But I wanted to be friends with the people wearing orange. I like orange a lot. I love pumpkins—
I’m wearing orange today because I don’t want this future! I want a different future! Not the one that Bush is putting into place today! I’m wearing orange today because…
Is this actually happening? Is she—it’s a girl now on the megaphone—is she actually giving a speech the rhetorical structure of which is the refrain “I’m wearing orange today because…”? She is. She fucking is. “I’m wearing orange today because… I’m wearing orange today because…” Incredible. Do tell us, why are you wearing orange today?
Futher inspection of the sign—music’s back on—leads me to this realization: it is not an explosion or a bag of French fries depicted there in the center, it is the earth with a giant happy burst of orange coming off the side. Sort of like the biggest pot of gold ever. It is radiating from the earth. It must be all those people wearing orange you’re talking about! Like all six of you! Banded together there! In the half dark! With the loudest, most unpeaceful amplification instrument you could find! Really rattling the rest of us out of our deep complacency, our adiding love for Bush, really turning minds upside down out here in this well-known Republican enclave, the corner of Broadway and John. You were here last Friday too. Are you and your orange flyers going to be here every Friday for the rest of time?
Let’s turn off the music just once more and see—
C’mon, get some orange, donate money…
Oh my fucking god I hate you people. You’re never going to shut up, are you? Can any friends of mine who have BB guns come over right now? Or maybe really loud speakers that we could hook up to my laptop? Or fireworks and some kind of aiming device?
We’re not going to take this and we’re going to stop it right now!
BY WEARING ORANGE?!