Comments on Closing Forever, Forever! Immortal Mama, Exposed!

Why don't you go inside and ask the fucking owner? Duh.

xox

My friend's aunt owns this store...I'm gonna try to figure out the mystery.

How about Wacky Grandma, that's been in front of the place, with the sandwich board? Yelling at people to GET IN THERE AND SHOP - none of it makes any sense

miss, o! indeed! whacky gramma! hearding people into the place as if it were Disneyland, or boasted some ancient African treasure. she deserves a post all to herself, and i plan to tackle her presently. but, for the record, i saw her very recently leading a large gaggle of young Japanese tourists to the shop---probably her biggest coup ever! now, that she's peaked....what's next for whacky sandwich sign gradnma? stay tuned!

Adrian, I love only you.

The whole post reads like a missing monologue from the 80's voodoo movie, The Serpent and the Rainbow.

Love it.

on the grandma: she used to be outside panache and once she distracted me while I was wearing heels in the rain (bad idea) and I tripped and fell right in front of her, only for her to keep screaming at people to shop. I hate her.

on africa mama: thanks for finally brining this phenomena to light. It's been troublesome to me since my days working in the market. the people who work there/own it are great people, but seriously: wtf?

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tweaking is a much bigger problem

I assume that all of these third-world craft imports that you see everywhere, the carved elephants and giraffes and Nag Champa and Guatemalan baskets and so forth, come from the same small group of elderly Jewish men in Brooklyn.

I thought the city had some kind of ordinance about false "going out of business sales", but I don't think it's ever enforced. The iconic example isn't Africa Mama but rug stores. New York has some that have been going out of business since 1978.

I have two memories of this store, one is completely irrelevant to the story, the other isn't.

Once she had a large, REALLLY nice sounding djembe in there and I less-than-threed it. She was soo smooth and oily in trying to get me to buy it, I swear she must've grown up tending a Moroccan bazaar stand, offering me a big discount, etc. I very nearly bought it but didn't because I couldn't figure out how I was going to take it on the plane. Some of the stuff in that store is really cool but I don't go in there because she's just too slimy.

The other is a memory of a long ago boyfriend, how we were visiting a (gay) male friend, and the boyfriend grew so jealous of him that while we were in this store, he picked a big argument with us, and then RAN AWAY like a little kid. Now every time my friend and I pass the store we make fun of him.

Incidentally this "going out of business [forever]" thing is a really old trick that lots of "bidness" owners use. It's frequently about the tax writeoff. Really popular with furniture store owners.

Funny story and all, but ultimately I have to agree with response #1 by Captain Obvious.

Why didn't you step inside and speak with the owner? Your article is only half-written.

Article? It's a blog post-- of course it's only half-written.

Fnarf, you are right. There is an ordinance barring the practice of "going out of business" forever type of marketing. Basically it is false or deceptive advertising. It was passed about 10 years ago, if I recall, and was mostly targeted to all the rug merchants in Pioneer Square that were perpetually in a state of "going out of business". The city actually enforced it against a handful of the worst offenders, but it seems to be widely ignored. I've often wondered why they've never dinged Africa Mama for it. I've actually been around long enough to remember when they first opened in the Broadway Market, and they've been "going out of business" pretty much since day one.

This is one my top ten favorite Slog posts ever.

When I was new in town and working in the Broadway Market, I went in there. I think I bought a money clip or something (maybe some Nag Champa?), and I was making small talk with the lady ringing me up.

"So you're moving, huh?"

"Ah, yes."

"Oh, that's neat. Where to?"

And then I received the dirtiest look I've ever seen. Now, of course, it all makes sense.

oh great god of merchants, smite down thy heathens who deceive. may they never rest until they ACTUALLY sell product at a discount!

man, they are like a weed; but one thing is for sure...of all the shops that have gone up and down on broadway? at least they are still around.

I grew up in New York City, and in mid-town Manhattan around 5th Ave, there were strings of appliance and electronic stores that perenially bore screaming red "going out of business" signs. Perhaps AM is following their business model (whatever that may be).

Great article Adrian, I laughed alot.

Africa Mama, deception is deception and your karma will return to you.

There are also like three Persian rug places down in Pioneer Square who are perpetually going out of business, but I think that comes with the trade.
Oh and as to the Grandma, here in Sydney the standing outside stores and yelling is a legitimate occupation. It's called "spriuking" (done by spriukers, of course) and basically people stand outside stores with microphones and yell about the great deals to be found inside (today I could have bought a $100 coat for $29.00 in THREE COLORS.) It's really disturbing and makes you not want to go in the stores ever.
But then again, most of those places don't have djembes…

noti, here in the U.S. spriukers were called barkers. They faded out with the circuses and snake oil salesmen. Although I do think you can hear them occassionally at carnivals, for the most part barking your products became undignified. If a product or service was good and it stood on its own you don't need an annoying person to hustle people in the door.

In regards to the "going out of business signs", false advertising is false advertising no matter the reason. Its misleading and why we have ordinances here in Seattle.

Of note, Cowri a couple blocks away sells djembes - but you don't see them continually going out of business.

Adrian, post more often. I miss you.

I could NOT stop laughing out loud as I read this hilarious post, Adrian!!
Brilliant!

I hope the powers-that-be at The Stranger will let you write a feature story, or at the very least, a review of some sort. When that happens, I might actually pick up a copy of The Stranger again.

Hi Jim. You letter i received. Thanks! Photos is GREAT!!!!

Hi Jim. You letter i received. Thanks! Photos is GREAT!!!!