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Monday, August 14, 2006

Rub One Out For Christ

Posted by on August 14 at 9:43 AM

What are conservative American Christians doing when they’re not beating up on the gays, shoving abstinance education down the throats of teenagers, picketing abortion clinics, blocking access to birth control, or swaying back and forth in their mega-churches?

They’re beating off, of course.

A poll conducted by what bills itself as “the world’s most visited Christian website” indicates a surprising number of Christians are addicted to pornography, RAW STORY has learned.

“The poll results indicate that 50% of all Christian men and 20% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography,” said Clay Jones, founder and President of Second Glance Ministries.

The group defines “addicted” as applied to pornography as use on an ongoing basis.

“We are seeing an escalation to the problem in both men and women who regularly attend church,” said Bill Cooper, President of ChristiaNet.com.

I’d say ChristiaNet’s definition of “addiction” is rather broad—if using something on an ongoing basis amounts to addiction then I’m addicted to more stuff than I can possibly list here. But while I wouldn’t define the occassional use of porn as an addiction, in this case of ChristiaNet’s audience it definately qualifies as hypocrisy.


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I can't believe they got anyone to admit it. Christians aren't the most honest people in the world when it comes to, well, everything.

You know what they say: Confession is good for the soul. So why wouldn't the little pervy sinners admit it?

But remember, by self-hating guilt-engendering Christian moral standards, looking at pornography more than once qualifies as addiction.

Et tu Dan? After all the time I've spent praising the quality of your writing to anyone who'll listen, you slap me in the face with "definately"? I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone or anything again.

Masturbating sucks. Masturbating people suck. Wipe semen on the Torah and cunt juice on Christ. Masturbating is a farce.

I know _I_ never do it.

Bush is the most pro-pornography president we have ever had. America needs to stand hard with pornography now. The Stranger has gone against conventional Seattle wisdom and been anti-pornography. Bush is the best American masturbater pornography has ever known, and many in the Seattle pornography community appreciate what Bush has done for wankers.

I've seen several Christian websites addressing this issue, often to hilarious effect. The best ones blame pornography addiction on demonic possession. Which, you must admit, is a much more exciting explanation than blaming it on massively repressed sexual desire.

"The devil made me masturbate" -- Hey, maybe that's where the term "horny" originates?

You should go to Omaha (well, actually you shouldn't. It's a horrible place) They have billboards with pictures of the local heros (mostly University of Nebraska Football stars) with the tagline REAL MEN DON'T DO PORN

Meanwhile, across the river in Iowa, all of the porn stores in that much less uptight state have parking lots filled with cars with Nebraska plates.

Heh. This reminds me of when I was in Jerusalem for the first time. We'd just gotten done dancing and drinking, and we ducked into a shwarma shop for a bite to eat before heading home. My friend, Abby, looked at the next TV and saw four yeshiva boys staring at the TV, and then noticed that it was soft core porn.

Catalina, you always have the best comments. Someone needs to get a pic of one of those billboards...

Damn, just reading about xtians mastubating to pornorgraphy was enough to make me want to masturbate.

Thanks for the inspiration, Dan!

For the pornography addict in all our lives: http://www.firesofdarkness.com/ecards.htm

Real men don't do porn, they watch porn. Duh.

Actually, come to think of it, I think it was REAL MEN DON'T USE PORN, which I always thought was an interesting use of language. I mean, strictly speaking, one WATCHES porn, but I suppose if you are masturbating (and why else would you be watching porn?) you are also "using" porn. But saying "use" makes it sound like a dildo or something.

kinda like, "I don't do drugs. I smoke weed."

In Atlanta, the churches and the strip clubs are starting to join up. Like Subway did with gas stations. It's a one stop shop. The men go straight from church to the strippers.

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