Hamster stuffing. Need I say more?

The proliferation of red Mazda Miatas blaring horrible dance music. Oh, and the "hagging" of our women! Some of us (if i could post a picture of myself you'd understand) have enough trouble competing with other straight guys for the affections of "that 1 in a million girl", but to also have to compete against your gay friends, soooo not fair. When i have voiced this complaint the general response is that they can't help that they are funnier, more sensative, better dressed, better cooks, etc. I guess i can't argue with that. it is their curse.

Oh and one more, they are constantly "outing" my pop culture guilty pleasures. I must concede, if i didn't have any gay friends i would never have been caught indulging in Dolly Parton's intoxicating and hypnotic cover of Stairway to Heaven.

On the serious side...
Public sex in city parks.
Barebacking.
The explosion of crystal meth use in the gay community.

On the lighter side...
Those tshirts that say "pitcher", "catcher" and "plow boy".
Freedom rings.
Lesbian mullets.
That brief period in the late 80's when fags wore whistles to dance clubs.
Any remix of a Whitney Houston song.

Oh, for a second there I thought you meant stuff like Andrew Cunanan or Jeffrey Dahmer.

Carson Kressley trying to convince cops and firemen that wearing a necktie as a belt would be a good idea.

Oh, for a second there I thought you meant stuff like Andrew Cunanan or Jeffrey Dahmer.

I do! Murder sprees and same-sex cannibalism definitely count as gay deal-breakers, too...

I'll say it again, Capitol Hill Clubs need to implement a "one hag per fag" rule.

Don't forget John Wayne Gacy, the spiritual father of Jeff Daumer.

Adrian Ryan.

Well, then, the German guy who successfully advertised for a guy to cook and eat, who then shared a lovely last meal of his own chopped off and fried penis with him has got to rank pretty high.

Label Queeniness
PA's
Bitter Queeniness
Grown men wearing children's backpacks
tribe tattoos
Visors and lollipops
zbois and gender queers (or vice versa)
nipple rings
Tattoos in the small of the back
Leather Pageants
Seattle Dancing Boys
Court of Seattle
The Court system in general
Neighbours
The Seattle Gay News
Seattle Mens Chorus
Freedom Day Committee

Clay Aiken. The one crime for which the gays and the christians are equally responsible.

kidnapping a boy a la Leopold & Loeb.
joining NAMBLA.
wearing thongs.
wearing hip huggers.
wearing hip huggers with thong.
liking Paris Hilton.
voting Republican in the last 2 presidential elections (you know who you are).

Dismissing people who like sports while giving a shit about celebrity culture in Hollywood.

Rubbish Gays (http://rubbishgays.blogspot.com) was an excellent and hilarious catalogue of homo cultural crimes, but it's difficult to read the archives because the site now automatically redirects to the owner's new (less interesting) blog after 69 seconds, plus most of the pictures are broken. Couldn't resist this opportunity to offer retroactive props, though.

Masquerading as Catholic priests.

"metro-sexuals"

I'll add a second vote for sex in public parks, and sharpen it to: sex in the Arboretum on that little sliver of land between the 520 on-ramp and off-ramp to Lake Washington Boulevard. Yes guys, you're quite visible to drivers waiting to get on the freeway, and it's obvious you're not out there bird-watching. Take your primal need for a quick hookup to craigslist or gay.com, and keep your fat asses away from the park. This homo would like to be able to take his dog there to play without worrying that he'll eat up one of your discarded condoms (if you even know how to use one, that is). If you keep it up, I'm going to start recording your license plate numbers and posting them on the Slog!

* heterophobic type-casting
* glory holes in public mens rooms
* those groups that meet for anonymous man-on-man sex in public park bushes
* coming-out and developing a lisp all on the same weekend
* being gay in seattle and wondering what the fuss over gays everywhere else is all about
* starting club/disco culture to begin with

don't forget paying taxes ...

Glitter. Wearing glitter is a crime for anyone over the age of nine.

I beg you Gays--No. More. Glitter.

let's not forget about the rampant abuse of the moustache. we civilian heteros want the moustache back!

Haute Couture! I definitely blame misogynistic gay male designers for the extreme ugliness of most women's fashion, and for the continued glorification of the 6-foot-tall, 14-year-old, crackhead scarecrows they call supermodels.

Oh, and I forgot these:

Platform shoes of any type, but most especially platform knee-high boots. With glitter.
ABBA
Disco in general
This continuing fetish for ever-shorter hair on men! Gah, they all look like they just got out of boot camp! Knock that shit off!

Gays that bitch and moan about what we don't have here in Seattle, and yet won't get off their butt to make what they want happen.

Martha Stewart
Marble Bathrooms
Granite countertops
Severe looking eyeglasses
circuit parties
rainbow anything
red bull and vodka
Tommy Hillfinger
The Macy's Logo
The Nordstorm Logo
Bloomingdales in it's entirety
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
The softer side of Sears

How do you blow crystal smoke up someone's butt? Gross.

I'll second "Adrian Ryan"

If loving ABBA is a crime, then let me be guilty.

"How do you blow crystal smoke up someone's butt? Gross."

Not usually blown (though I'm sure someone, somewhere, has tried). Typically dissolved in water and injected up the butt using a syringe or douche. Known as "hooping". Very glamorous, especially for a quick hit when you're out at a club. And yes, very gross.

And sorry, the gays may be guilty of many things, but straights gotta take the blame for Abba. We'll take the blame for Cher, but Abba - that one's on the heteros.

* Rip Taylor

I can't as much agree with "voting Republican" as a gay crime. I mean, it sucks, but the much worse gay crime is not voting at all, or only for American Idol.

American Idol should definitely count as a gay crime.

britney fuckin spears

"Mom" Finley...

""Mom" Finley..."

AMEN to that. I second.