A rare, horrible disease is spreading across Florida, California, and South Texas, and no one knows what causes it or how to cure it.

Among the symptoms, according to the Morgellons Research Foundation: lesions that never heal; strange fibers that pop out of a victim’s skin in different colors; sensations of bugs crawling under the skin; black, tarry balls that emerge from the skin like beads of sweat; and “extreme difficulty with mental concentration and short-term memory.”

I don’t know about you, but I think I’d rather have mad cow disease, foot-and-mouth disease, dengue fever, or any number of other rare disorders than this shit.

According to a story in the San Antonio Express-News, the disease, which can go on for years without getting better, “is not yet known to kill, but if you were to get it, you might wish you were dead.”