Well, it wasn’t a drug overdose — but it should’ve been! After a three year letter writing campaign, the producers of The O.C. finally succumbed to my demands and killed off Marissa Cooper (of course, it might have something to do with Mischa Barton showing up late to work — or not at all — and wanting to get fired so she could pursue a failed movie career, but let’s not get nit-picky in this time of mourning).
Anyhoo, Seth finally comes clean about smoking some doobage in the Dark Lord Sith Sandy’s office and burning it down — and as usual, it was no big deal. Just a half mill in damages, and even the cops didn’t care enough about this subplot to pursue it. Oh, and speaking of ridiculous subplots, Surf Nazi threatens to narc on Ryan for NOT helping him steal a car, unless he ponies up some money for his great escape to Mexico. Inexplicably, Ryan agrees to Surf Nazi’s terms. Can someone please get this guy an MRI to check for brain damage?
MEANWHILE…. it’s Graduation Day! Which means we have to sit through 45 minutes of nothing but hugs and apologies — especially from Marissa who is contractually obligated to make us like her again before she’s killed off. Turns out daddy Cooper is now sailing ships for rich folk, and invites her to travel the world peeling potatoes for a year. Marissa figures this is better than getting a real education and jumps at the chance. To fill the gaping hole in the show, Mini-Coop (Kaitlyn) returns to Newport to, in her words, rule the school. (I love Kaitlyn — she’s like Hitler with pony lessons.)
MEANWHILE…. Nothing else happened. Ryan’s mom gave him a mid-`80s Land Cruiser for graduation (Thanks, Ma! Were they out of Celicas?), and there was some icky inferred kitchen floor make-up sex between Sandy and Kiki. Oh, and there was the aforementioned car crash, where jealous Surf Nazi runs Ryan and Marissa off the road. But I guess the producers weren’t too mad at Mischa, because other than a little chocolate syrup in her hair, she looked PERFECT.
NEXT SEASON ON THE O.C.: Summer goes to Brown, Seth sticks around for half a season, Taylor Townsend will apparently be around forever, and we can start begging the producers to get rid of Ryan — who, like Marissa — is now officially too stupid to live.