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Monday, May 15, 2006

Alligator Eats A Crackhead

Posted by on May 15 at 10:50 AM

Over the past six weeks, three women in Florida have been eaten to death by alligators. This is one of the unfortunate deaths:

[T]he body of Judy Cooper, 43, was found mutilated in a pond.

“I saw what looked like a pair of trousers floating on the pond. Then I saw a pair of sneakers attached to it and my daughter went out there with a stick and pushed on it and it turned out to be a body,” said local resident Fred Ferderber.

“Her arms were missing and she had a couple of bite marks on her sides.”

…Ms Cooper, a single mother from New Port Richey, Florida, had been struggling to overcome a crack cocaine addiction. Drug-taking equipment was found at the scene, though the local coroner confirmed that an alligator did play a role in her death.


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Drug-taking equipment was found at the scene, though the local coroner confirmed that an alligator did play a role in her death.

Oh so you mean that the crack didn't remove her arms? Glad they cleared that up for me.

The important question here is not what killed the crackhead, but what the reporter means by "drug taking equipment." Did she mean "crack pipe" or something else? It makes a big difference. Crack pike = has crack to smoke or is getting crack to smoke = happy = does not want to be eaten by an alligator. HOWEVER, if "drug taking equipment" means possibly dirty needle and heroin and spoon this = uh oh starting a new addiction = sad, might want to be eaten by an alligator. The kind of drug taking equipment makes the difference between "accidential alligator eating" and "suicidal alligator wrestling" which might make the difference in whether the alligator needs to be hunted down or not. Right?

It's not impossible, but I bet fewer than, say, eleven people throughout history have ever decided to end their life via alligator.

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