I trust none of Tuesday’s activities were too scandalizing. Here is what I did last night. I hope you approve.

Diary of a Lady, Day 2: Wednesday, April 27th

5:00 pm: I met friends at The Chapel for an after-work martini. There was no time to return home and freshen up, but luckily I keep a spare set of heels and pearls at my office. Ladies and boy scouts are always prepared. (Once while hiking with friends, I was dismayed to discover I had left my pearls at home. Luckily, my party crossed paths with a troupe of boy scouts, and one was kind enough to lend me his spare set. What a little gentleman!)

5:15 pm: My companions and I ordered prawns, bread, and cheese for an appetizer, which we ate while seated.

6:15 pm: We walked to the Triple Door for Dave Schmader’s Showgirls performance. It was hilarious. I feel honored to know such a sweet and clever man.

10:00 pm: My party and I walked to my house for dessert. I was set to prepare apple dumplings with medjool dates and maple sauce, but a quick poll showed that more people were interested in receiving a foot rub.

10:10 pm: I began rubbing my roommate’s size 14 feet. It reminded me of this poem:

I held a jewel in my fingers

And went to sleep
The day was warm, and winds were prosy
I said, “Twill keep”

I woke - and chide my honest fingers,
The Gem was gone
And now, an Amethyst remembrance
Is all I own

~ Emily Dickinson

10:30 pm: I turned my attention to my friend’s size 12 feet. The scent of man on my hands is more refreshing than a Summer’s Eve. Wouldn’t you agree, Charles?

11:30 pm: My guests left and I prepared myself for bed. After such a long day, my hands were too exhausted to turn the pages of my Bible (sorry Jesus!).