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Monday, March 20, 2006

Hollywood Mystery

Posted by on March 20 at 7:55 AM

The UK’s The Mirror is all abuzz about the “A-list Hollywood actor” who allegedly wanked to completion during an otherwise professional massage. Two years after the alleged 2004 incident, the masseuse remains furious and seems to be considering possible legal action. From The Mirror:

“The star—who cannot be named for legal reasons—was on a golfing holiday with his wife and staying at the Old Course Hotel in St Andrews, Scotland. The masseuse, 34, told an industrial tribunal she felt ‘abused’ by the actor’s actions. ‘It was disgusting and, even though he was a Hollywood superstar, I couldn’t believe he thought he could get away with something like that. He abused me and I considered that a criminal act. When I was giving his wife a massage afterwards, I wanted to tell her everything.’”

So…the fella has a wife, or at least he did in 2004, which automatically disqualifies him, him, and him.

But what about him, him, him, or him??


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Jude Law would not be an unattractive woman. I would not jack him off.

I would jack steve martin off, though. And Colin, of course. And probably the angry Australian guy.

My money is on Sean Connery

I've overheard people speculating that it's Michael Douglas, Kevin Costner, or Samuel L. Jackson. Supposedly all three of them were in Scotland in 2004 for a golf tournament.

Oh please say it ain't our beloved Sammy. Hopefully it's Michael Douglas, though I'd much rather imagine that it was Kevin Costner, if you know what I'm sayin'.

I guess the A-lister misunderstood the masseuse when she said "swedish massage" and thought she said "shpecial top- shecret ma-shage".

Further clues: not only golfs but golfs in tournaments at top-end courses like St. Andrews. "A-List". Wife also golfs.

I think it's Douglas or Costner.

You guys are smart--Michael Douglas is the obvious frontrunner of suspects, especially since his wife is clearly too busy shilling for T-Mobile to give him a proper handjob at home.

But I keep getting stuck on "A-list," since neither Douglas nor Costner have been "A-list" since 1992...


Nah, lots of people would say that Costner and Douglas are still A-list. Those two actors are big names (anyone with a passing interest in movies knows who they are, especially anybody who was conscious in the '80s) and the general public's definition of A-list is probably broader than yours.

I guess you're right--in the general perception, B-list probably means Pauly Shore.

Plus, according to this, the wanker is totally Kevin Costner...

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