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Sunday, January 29, 2006

Don’t You See? Big Momma’s House 2 Is All Of Us!

Posted by on January 29 at 14:15 PM

Today I checked the box office tallies for the weekend, hoping that Bubble, Soderbergh’s new movie which is simultaneously being released in theaters, on DVD, and on teevee-on-demand, would do well—I like the idea of movies available in as many different formats as possible, because I love the idea of tiny quality indies being able to make as much money as ridiculously huge Hollywood movies. But it didn’t crack the top ten—it’s actually not even mentioned in any of the articles I found. I did find this weird bit of crowing in regards to Big Momma’s House 2, the weekend’s top movie:

Bruce Snyder, president of domestic distribution for Twentieth Century Fox, said the popularity of its “Big Momma” films rests with Lawrence’s comic appeal. “People like the “Big Momma” character, pure and simple. She’s funny, she’s sassy, but it’s a guy underneath there,” Snyder said.

Snyder then added a ‘ka-boing!’ sound effect, farted for added emphasis, and fell down a flight of stairs, landing face-first in a woman’s cleavage. Sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe, some people really talk like this don’t they?

In other movie news, it looks like the movie version of A Million LIttle Pieces, originally slated to film this spring, might not get made after all. Which, I think, is maybe a little too rash…it could be done, really entertainingly, in an Adaptation sort of way, add some confessional stuff…a good director could have fun with it. Imagine a really amped-up scene where Frey, played by, say, Johnny Knoxville, blows up a cop car with a rocket launcher, and then we cut to Frey, played by, say, Sam Rockwell, being beaten to a distinctly unmanly pulp by Oprah and her army of angry white women. It could be great…unless, that is, James Frey isn’t willing to accept the fact that he’s a literary asterisk now, but he really just ought to acknowledge it and cash in while he can.

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Box Office Mojo has Bubble earning $72,000 over the weekend. Ouch. (I'm still gonna see it on the big screen, though.)

I film of a Million Little Pieces would be sooooooo much more interesting now—Adaptation-style, like Paul says.

I film of a Million Little Pieces would be sooooooo much more interesting now—Adaptation-style, like Paul says.

It would be cool, but would probably still be trounced by Big Momma's House 3.

Seriously, is there anyone out there who actually thinks Martin Lawrence is even remotely funny? Big Momma's House got 6% on That's even worse than Catwoman or Van Helsing. I mean, this movie wasn't just panned by the critics; it was universally savaged.

And yet, inexplicably, it is the #1 movie this weekend, and grossed something like $28 million. That is twice what Capote has made since it opened a couple of months ago. This says something disturbing about the American moviegoing public. I'm not sure what, exactly, but it isn't good.

Sadly, this just encourages Hollywood to make more crap movies, and gives them little motivation to make anything with, say, a plot, or decent acting, or even genuine humor.

Sorry. That should have been "Big Momma's House 2" got 6%. The original got a wopping 30%, a clear mandate for a sequel.

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