Philip Schuth of La Crosse, WI, was sentenced today to 7 years in prison for attempted homicide, reckless endangerment and concealment of a corpse after police removed the body of his dead mom from his freezer.

The AP reports that police were summoned after Schuth fired shots at a couple and their 10-year-old son, Josh. The couple had come to confront Schuth about smacking Josh on the side of the head. Josh had been fucking with Schuth’s front steps.

10-year-olds are such punks.

During the ensuing 14-hour police standoff, Schuth kinda admitted to keeping his mother preserved in his basement freezer for five years (she died of natural causes in 2000).

Schuth has said he fantasized about being married to “Alias” star Jennifer Garner. At his sentencing, he said: “I apologize to Jennifer Garner and her pool boy Ben Affleck for involving them in my fantasies.”

I don’t doubt that Philip Schuth was a bit of a walking freak show, but if you’ve got the time, the La Crosse tribune makes him seem….well, not any more normal, but more lovable somehow.