“Um, hi, my name is , and I think I have a story that you guys might be interested in. My number is , and it’s basically a man being sent to jail, because he supposedly killed me. And I showed up to the court, and I’m completely fine. There’s not a scratch on me, but he’s about to be convicted, and he’s gonna go away for many many years, and I’m completely fine, and the judge was pretty weird.”