When I point out that this is a thing that happens—some people who identify as bi later come out as gay or lesbian (and vice-versa, although the gay-to-bi identity progression is much rarer)—it's held up as evidence of my biphobia. But this is a thing that happens. It doesn't mean that all bisexuals are gays-in-waiting, or that people shouldn't accept the professed sexual identities of others (with a carveout for our bullshit detectors—anyone buyin' Ted Haggard's heterosexuality?), or that gays and lesbians aren't in the wrong when they're shitty to bi-identified friends, lovers, strangers, baristas, chorus boys, etc., etc. But this is a thing that happens—some people who aren't bi identify as bi before realizing and/or admitting that they're actually gay or lesbian—and it complicates life for people who are bi.

Bisexuals aren't to blame for this—again, we're talking about people who are not bi who were identifying as bi—but insisting that it's hate speech to discuss this thing that happens doesn't make it a thing that doesn't happen. And rather than stoking biphobia, acknowledging that this thing happens and parsing it and contextualizing it—the folks who are complicating the lives of bisexuals aren't bisexual!—can reduce biphobia.

La la la.