Or will happen. Or something.

(As my friend Meagan said, "BTW Hasselbeck is supposed to be Reagan--NOT Christian Bale from Newsies.")

I am starting to resent how much of my attention The View demands these days.

Defamer hosts video of what it calls "the dumbest batch of Wheel of Fortune contestants in history," who find themselves stumped over the kitchen-based phrase "_OOD BURNING STOVE."

Okay, that's pretty dumb, but I still grant top dummy honors to the mid-'80s Wheel contestant trying to solve the phrase "_T TAK_S ON_ TO KNOW ON_", who in desperation spat out a sentence that's been burned in my brain ever since: "E.T. takes one to know one"???

From Wikipedia:

Early models lacked a true glove box to save on costs, but the glove box was added in 1973.... Some of the exterior paint options had unusual names, such as Anti-Establish Mint, Hulla Blue, Original Cinnamon, Freudian Gilt, Thanks Vermillion, [...] Dresden Blue, Raven Black, Wimbledon White, and Candyapple Red.

By Craig Worrell:

I was getting tired of "maverick" being bandied about like EVERYONE and their dog is a maverick. And yes, it's Jim Garner.

...that I am unable to embed so you'll just have to follow the Jezebel link to tan old actor George Hamilton telling the ladies of The View about his adventures as a 12-year-old boy fucking his 28-year-old stepmother.

Living in the age of Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Office has inured me to a lot of what would typically make me squirm. This made me squirm.

Spoiler alert!: This post comes without a spoiler alert. Last night on Project Runway, adorable Portland hipster-dork Leanne Marshall fulfilled the wishes of the masses and won.

Unfortunately, this meant the also-awesome Korto had to lose, a fate to which she kinda seemed resigned. (That "I'm not just a designer, I'm a mommy!" crap is for losers.)

Also, it should be remembered that three days after the self-inflated bag of gas known as Jennifer Lopez ditched out of being the PR finale guest judge due to a foot injury, she completed the Malibu Triathlon.

Tonight brings the finale of Project Runway. I've already made my prediction known. Now it's your turn.

Who deserves to win?

Who WILL win?

And just for kicks:

What would you most like to see?

After seeing the collections on this week's episode, can anyone deny it? Leanne's architectural math waves are the perfect distillation of her aesthetic while doing something that feels evolved and new. Kenley also delivered. The other two, not so much.

Counting the minutes till Leannimal's impending triumph....

People without cable: How are you people surviving this election without The Daily Show? HOW?!

Ever since last night's episode, when Kenley attempted to blame her hair-trigger bitchiness on having been "raised on a tugboat," I can't stop thinking about this song. Kenley is Pirate Jenny. (Even if you don't who Kenley or Kurt Weill is, you should listen anyway, for Nina Simone is amazing, and kind of terrifying.)

Among last night's revelations:

*The roots of Kenley's hair-trigger bitchiness! (Apparently, she was raised on a tugboat—like, for real—where I can only imagine she worked as a scullery maid and was taught to respond to any human interference with a switchblade.)

*The identification of Leanne's Achilles' heel! ("It's all so sad," said Nina Garcia of Queen Leeann's somber librarian aesthetic.)

*Tears, tears, and more tears! From everyone! (Even me—because the judges failed to kick off the person who most deserved it, but that's how it goes...)

(If it ever was.)

It's not all great, but parts are, and I kind of love her.

(Thanks for the link, Towleroad.)

So last night brought the 4,086th primetime Emmy Awards ceremony, which was long and weird and boring.

There were definitely bright spots, most notably the triumph of Tina Fey and 30 Rock. (Confidential to Alec Baldwin: Praising Tina Fey as "the Elaine May of her generation" is neither complimentary nor factually accurate. Tina Fey became the Elaine May of her generation 10 years ago, and now she's something else all her own. The nearest precedent: Mary Tyler Moore, if Mary Tyler Moore had created and written The Mary Tyler Moore Show, which is a huge "if." Also, this (great) New Yorker profile makes you look insane.)

But all this pales in comparison to the deeply unfortunate, extraordinarily long TV-theme medley performed by nouveau crooner Josh Groban.

Groban is a monster, but it must be said that he's trapped in a no-win situation. Performing a quick-cut TV-show medley is like giving a speech in Klingon: There's no way to do it and not look stupid, and the "better" you are at it, the stupider you look.

Suicide is painless, indeed.

...but until yesterday I did not.

I'm speaking of the freakish wealth of King of the Hill-related pornography readily available on the internet, which I became acquainted with after sending the words "Peggy Hill" into Google Image Search for this post. And not just any old King of the Hill-related pornography—King of the Hill-related incest porn.

I will not supply such images for you here, you sick fucks. Suffice it to say that watching Bobby Hill have intercourse with his mother while his dad looks on in horror is exactly as enticing as it sounds.

Screw spoiler alerts: Even though I thought she was a big-mouthed boob, I can't fucking believe they booted Kenley.

It was especially mean how they shaved her head, slathered her naked body in mustard, and kicked her out to wander the streets of Manhattan in shame.

For discussion of what actually happened on last night's PR, follow the jump.

Continue reading "Regarding Last Night's Project Runway..." »

Allow me to share gossip about how furious Heidi Klum is about Jennifer Lopez ditching out of an appearance on the PR judging panel. From ShowbizSpy:

Project Runway host Heidi Klum was left 'furious' when Jennifer Lopez pulled out of her appearance on the hit show. Lopez dropped out of the Bravo reality series late last week after "injuring her foot"—forcing fashion guru Tim Gunn, who mentors the contestants, to fill in.

A source tells MSNBC's Courtney Hazlett, "Heidi went from one big-name judge for the finale to none. It was embarrassing, especially the excuse that (Lopez) was hurt."

According to MSNBC, Lopez, 39, was angry with The Weinstein Company, which produces Runway. The source added, "Jennifer was hoping for a part in an upcoming Weinstein film, and she was told the day before (the Project Runway show) that she wasn't getting it. "She was angry, so she pulled out."

Adding insult to injury: Two days after her foot injury forced her to pull out of PR, J. Lo ran in a triathlon.

As for tonight's show: Go Leanne! Go Korto! And shut the fuck up, Kenley!

(Thank you, Slog tipper Julianne.)

Amy Poehler leaving SNL.

Okay, here's one reason to live even if John McCain winds up winning the election. Little Britain USA is coming to HBO...

Via Towleroad—where you can read about the (inevitable) gay-rights group upset about a skit that features two openly-gay performers. Of course, it's not a gay-rights group that any has ever heard of before (West Hollywood Gay and Lesbian Alliance), and doesn't have a website that I could find with a quick Google search. So there's a chance it's a publicity stunt. And WHGLA's chief complaint—"This is the most politically incorrect, offensive and obnoxious material ever seen in this country.”—sounds like it was written by someone working to promote the show.

...is thoughtfully conducted after the jump.

Continue reading "Discussion of Last Night's Project Runway...." »

The Corn Refiners Association has produced pro-high fructose corn syrup commercials.

There's another one with two women drinking juice and complimenting each others' clothes.

...here's a Hot Tip from my intern-for-life-who's-vacationing-in-Manhattan Marti:

I just saw the Leathuh Lady from Project Runway!!!!

My immediate response:

Oh my god! How did she look? Did you hear her say anything? WHAT WAS SHE WEARING???

Marti's reply:

We were in Chelsea and she suddenly appeared in the doorway of some kind of supermarket as I walked past. She was talking to her dog, but not in a crazy way, just in the way that normal people talk to their dogs: "What are you doing? Can we go now please? Why are you standing there? Come on!" It was a huge black dog—I think a rottweiler. She was wearing pretty casual and nonremarkable clothing—our encounter was so fleeting and I didn't get a chance to really study her like I would've wanted. I did notice that she is quite tiny. It was early in the day and she was apparently out running chores. Ta-da!

God bless you, Marti. Everyone else, here's my prediction for tonight, which feels so true it should probably come with a spoiler alert: Yammy Davis Jr. is gone-licious.

Nazi television from the 1930s, compiled by Spiegel TV. (Thanks for the heads up, MetaFilter.)

I hope you're happy, whiners.

Continue reading "Last Night's Project Runway: Now Discussed Behind a Jump!" »

I've noted my obsession with A&E's Intervention before, but the episode from Monday, August 11 is haunting my dreams.

You only need to watch the first minute or so to get the gist, but if you're like me, you won't be able to stop watching it ever.

Also, minutes before posting this, I heard Charles Mudede dust his computer keyboard. It was terrifying.

UPDATE: For those who need to follow Allison's episode to the end, here are parts 2, 3, 4, and 5. (The last chunk features not one but two hunky cops, who Allison of course tries to kick in the face. Having survived Hurricane Allison, I propose these two cops celebrate by making a porno together.)

First off: Last night's episode was awesome, not least because the divine Varla Jean Merman—star of the classic Girls Will Be Girls—triumphed in the above outfit by the typically drippy contestant Joe. (But mostly because the divine Varla Jean Merman—star of the classic Girls Will Be Girls—triumphed in the above outfit by the typically drippy contestant Joe.)

Getting away with sartorial murder for another week (spoiler alert!): cute-but-stupid rag-ripper Keith and local-boy-turned-national-embarassment Blayne.

No longer getting away with murder, despite his "impeccable taste": Daniel, who's happily shacked up with another Runway reject.

Adfreak believes that this ad...

...is about a cow who is mad for not being eaten. I'm not so sure that that's the case. Maybe because of my innate Catholic carnivorous guilt, I initially assumed that the cow is mad because he's eating an animal. But whatever the case, one thing is absolutely clear: That guy has fucked that cow on more than one occasion. And this is a really creepy ad.

So crows the irresistible Defamer headline noting the inclusion of a transgendered contestant on the next season of America's Next Top Model.

As Us Magazine reports:

One of the 14 girls who will compete on the new season of America's Next Top Model—which returns to The CW on September 3—is transgender.

"My cards were dealt differently," Isis, a 22-year-old former receptionist, tells Us Weekly. Hailing from Prince George's County, Maryland, Isis identifies herself as "a woman born physically male."

Will she be a role model? "I like to help people, but I'm here to follow my dreams," she tells Us.

A shameless grab for ratings? A triumph for the transgendered? A recipe for high-octane bathroom dramatics? Yes, yes, and yes.

Tonight, tonight, won’t be just any night! (Fuck, no!) For tonight KING or KOMO or whatever (I refuse to pay attention: one simply cannot trust any American broadcast news—BBC News now, BBC News FOREVER!) is celebrating the interminable career of Seattle’s favorite newscasting cornflake, the ultimate mistress of deft diction and light fingers (whatever the hell that means!), the indefatigable Jean Enersen! Forty years in broadcast news!

I KNOW!

The show is on at 8:00 PM sharp, and it promises to tell you more than God ever intended anyone to know about Lady Enersen. Except this, this, this, this, this, and maybe even this, naturally. That shit’s totally up to me.

Oh, the terrible thrill!

....here's some deep thinking about "girlicious" and a study of the Blayne/Christian Siriano divide.

Also, here's ABC News on the dangers of "tanorexia," and West Seattle Blog on Blayne's triumphant return behind the counter at West Seattle's Hotwire Coffee. (Stop by, say hi, and leave a big tip! He may be a subpar neologist, but his riff on the Leather Queen of Queens was inspired.)

I've got to start watching Weeds.

Find more videos like this on dreamcapsTV

Via OMGBlog.

So last night brought a new episode of Project Runway, and for a variety of reasons I can't be bothered to watch this season. (The fact that our hometown contestant is a yam-colored hate crime against taste doesn't help.)

However, I saw enough of last night's episode to lodge a philosophical question in my brain: Why is referring to yourself in the third person so repugnant?

Lying is wrong because it robs the victim of the truth.
Murder is wrong because it robs the victim of everything.
But why does third-person self-reference seem worse than lying and almost as bad as murder?

I'd ask Suede, but Suede's busy being Suede, and so I ponder, and wince.

Stephen Colbert, regarding butter brickle: "I assume that’s some sort of English treat made from candied lamb cartilage."

Doesn't look as funny on a computer screen in the cold light of morning, but it made Colbert to crack up and break character. Enjoy:

I've just recently watched the first two discs of the first season of Mad Men. That's six episodes. I know that a lot of people are very excited about Mad Men, and critics that I generally trust are really into it, too. I think the show just got nominated for a bunch of Emmys. I really enjoyed the pilot, and especially the opening credits:

I really enjoyed the whole 1960-sure-was-different-from-2008 thing at first. Women are treated like children! The obviously gay guy keeps talking about how much he wants to bang chicks! They hit the kids! It was kind of funny.

But now I'm six episodes into a thirteen-episode run and I feel as though the entire series is all about how different 1960 is from 2008, and it's kind of boring. I get that there's infidelity, and some of the women are disappointed with their servile roles and all that, but so far, it's just a soap opera, and not really an interesting one at that.

Some of the writing is great, but I've been waiting for something to happen for five hours now and I feel as though maybe twenty minutes of those five hours has actually advanced the plot. I can't figure out whether to get the third disc or not; I'm just about ready to abandon the whole thing. So far, Mad Men has done nothing but disappointed me. I still like the credits, though.

It has been brought to my attention that a new season of Project Runway began last night. I am housesitting for a friend who has a huge and glorious backyard garden but no cable TV, and so I didn't see it myself. (It's waiting at home on TiVo.) But I've been informed (in the comments to my Mamma Mia! post) that our West Seattle homeboy contestant is laboring underneath a garish spray tan (how I love ya how I love ya, my dear ol' Yammy!) and is angling to lodge the term "girlicious" in the nation's vocabulary. Please continue spoiler-free discussion of these and any other topics relating to last night's PR in the comments.

(Speaking of television, did anyone see last night's Wife Swap? (The things you watch when denied cable...) I tuned in a little late, and the first thing I saw was one of the swapped moms—a busty Botoxed blonde—telling the camera that she wasn't nervous about taking over the other wife's job as a businesswoman. "I've got experience in public speaking!' she said with a proud smile. Minutes later I learned her "public-speaking experience" came from her job with a motorcycle dealership, for whom she puts on a miniskirt and heels and stands by the side of the road, holding a sign that says "HOT BIKES!" while she hollers, "Hot bikes!" Basic television is amazing.)

The new season of Project Runway starts tonight (as anyone who so much as glanced at Bravo in the past few days is certainly aware). I just can't get excited. Our late-evening weather's been so great that the TV can't compete.

One cool note is that a former member of the the Stranger family is competing: Leanne Marshall used to do graphic design at The Portland Mercury. Blogtown, The Mercury's blog, has details and an interview.

Slog tipstress Stephanie alerted me to the breaking news and ongoing coverage at WestSeattleBlog:

We mentioned this earlier in the middle of a multi-topic post—and clearly we erred in not making it banner news: Blayne the barista, who’s worked at Hotwire Coffee for 2 1/2 years, made it to the popular cable-TV reality show Project Runway and is taping now for the season that starts next month.

It is not a lie to declare this super-exciting.

(Thanks to WSB and Hotwire boss/shooter of the above photograph Lora Lewis.)

Reality TV is here to win.

Via FourFour.

In the grand tradition of my early-spring post about the terrificness of The Wire and my forthcoming post about the cuteness of puppies (no, really; stay tuned), today I shall profess my newfound, insanely overdue, and completely predictable adoration of Deadwood.

Since the entire world already knows about the awesomeness of HBO's potty-mouthed American frontier drama, I won't go on and on about it. Suffice it to say that I'm in the latter half of season one and deeply in love, mostly with the scriptwriters, though the dark n' stormy Timothy Olyphant is certainly easy on the eyes. Sometimes it seems like the dude playing the reverend and the dude playing Calamity Jane are about to die from overacting, but other than that small concern, it's a totally intoxicating dream.

Duh.

It looks like GLAAD and I weren't the only folks offended by this interview night's 30 Days:

Americablog:

FX says gays abuse kids, are mentally ill

Yep. The FX network thought it would be cute, or funny, or something to put on TV an anti-gay bigot and let him spout all the tired old lies from decades ago—and THEN, not have anyone there to say "uh, those are all lies." So, FX's viewers were left with the message that gays abuse kids, are mentally ill, beat their partners, and more. Lovely. Maybe FX can get Heinz as a sponsor.... This is outrageous. It's bad enough for FX to let these bigots broadcast their tired old libel against gays, but then to not have someone there to point out that the "facts" are actually lies. Incredible.

Towleroad:

The episode also airs a disgusting statement from Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council.... I've posted about Sprigg before. You may remember that back in March, Sprigg talked about immigration to the Medill Reports, saying, "I would much prefer to export homosexuals from the United States than to import them into the United States because we believe homosexuality is destructive to society."

Good As You

So first, just as we had been warned, they introduce Peter Sprigg and let him present his baseless "facts" in an unchallenged fashion. Even though the episode featured several pro-gay speakers, it is 100% irresponsible to let Sprigg, sitting in the "expert" chair, rail off this list of supposed gay ills as if they are the gospel. That simply would not be accepted with any other group of people! And it's unfair to just trust that the American public is going to realize that Sprigg's words are the product of his own one-sided views, and not credible information.

But that being said, this portion of the program gets almost worse after the Sprigg clip, when the show proceeds to present the conversation with Dawn Stefanowicz in a way that makes it sound as if she is merely a child of gay parents who has written a book about her experiences. Only problem with that? Dawn is not just someone who they found through an advertisement of casting call. Dawn is an anti-gay activist who has taken a situation that is unique to herself, filtered that through a faith in Jesus, and began a new career of using her own past paint to fight against equal rights for gays and lesbians (attracting the attention of rabidly anti-gay extremists like the American Family Association in the process). She is telling the story of her family, from only her own personal perspective, even admitting that "it was not until [her] father, his sexual partners and [her] mother had died, was [she] free to speak publicly about [her] experiences." And she's taking that one-sided story, with nobody alive to challenge it, and sweepingly misapplying it to gay parenting as a whole. It's patently unfair, both Dawn's misuse of personal trauma, and her inclusion on this program in this casual, unfleshed out way!

Complaints should be directed to...

20th Century Fox Television, Inc. Jeffrey Glaser Senior Vice President, Current Programming (310) 369-0211 jeffrey.glaser@fox.com

FX Networks:
Nick Grad
Executive Vice President of Original Programming
(310) 369-0949
ngrad@fxnetworks.com

Chuck Saftler
Executive Vice President of Programming
(310) 369-0949
csaftler@fxnetworks.com

Scott Seomin
Vice President of Public Relations
(310) 369-0938
scott.seomin@fxnetwork.com

Video via JoeMyGod.

The third season of Morgan Spurlock's FX series 30 Days kicks off continues tonight with Spurlock dropping an opponent of gay adoption into a household headed by a same-sex couple in Michigan.

I happen to know the gay couple featured, Tom and Dennis Patrick, and their four boys. Every summer my family attends Gay Family Week in Saugatuck (not just me and the boyfriend and the kid, but my whole extended family), as do the Patricks. Tom and Dennis are great, mellow, thoughtful guys who've adopted four boys out of foster care. The state of Michigan, which should be pinning a medal on these guys, has instead threatened to take away their health-care benefits in the wake of an anti-gay marriage amendment to Michigan's state constitution. But that's not the point of this post...

Yesterday GLAAD—the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation—sent out a mass email urging "community members" to contact FX Networks to protest statements made by an anti-gay activist Spurlock interviews during the show. GLAAD, which once gave an award to 30 Days, says...

Regrettably, the episode also features a defamatory statement by Peter Sprigg of the Family Research Council, an anti-gay activist organization, who claims: "Homosexuality is associated with higher rates of sexual promiscuity, sexually transmitted diseases, mental illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, and child sexual abuse, and those are all reasons for us to be concerned about placing children into that kind of setting." While there is no credible scientific research that backs Sprigg’s claim—and much that disputes it—the episode presents his assertion as if it were fact and offers no credible social science experts or child health authorities to challenge Sprigg’s assertion. Indeed, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Psychological Association, the Child Welfare League of America, and many other child health and social services authorities who support parenting by qualified lesbian and gay parents dispute Sprigg’s claim.

GLAAD asked FX Networks last week to either edit Sprigg's comments out of the show or bring in one of those "credible social science" experts to respond to Sprigg's comments. FX refused.

I just watched the episode on a preview copy that FX overnighted to me—in hopes, no doubt, that I would disagree with GLAAD and defend FX and Spurlock's decision to air the show as-is.

Uh... sorry, FX, sorry, Morgan, but GLAAD is 100% right.

Sprigg's comments come early in the program and linger like mustard gas over every scene that comes after. A casual viewer may watch Tom and Dennis with their kids and think, "Okay, these guys are decent parents, and maybe their boys are going to be fine... but other kids adopted by other gays might not be so lucky. Other kids might wind up adopted by those gays that abuse kids, and rape them, and worse."

And GLAAD didn't even mention the interview that comes immediately after Sprigg's: Right after handing the mic to Sprigg Spurlock talks to Dawn Stefanowicz, a woman that wrote a book about living with a gay parent—her biological father—after he came out of the closet in the 1970s. This woman's father talked to her about bathhouse sex "at the kitchen table," and dragged her to a "downtown sex shop." She holds her father up—with Spurlock's help, and tinkly so-sad music playing in the background—not as an example of a lousy parent, gay or straight, but as an example of why no gay people should be allowed to parent. "Based on your personal experience do you believe children are at risk if they’re raised in homosexual households?" Spurlock asks this woman. "Children need a married mother and father," she replies. "I know that there are so many situations that are not ideal, but we still need to hold to an ideal that is best for children."

And, as with the interview with Sprigg, Spurlock doesn't challenge this woman's assertions or bring in anyone to address them. Instead Spurlock moves on to this: Hey, you can make piles of money providing sperm to lesbians that want to be moms—you know, those non-ideal parents that aren't best for children!

So basically Spurlock didn't just talk to Sprigg, and let him lie and lie and lie some more, he brought in someone to second Sprigg—someone using right-wing religious code—and allows her to assert that it would be better for Tom and Dennis's kids if they hadn't been adopted at all. And, again, the casual viewer is left to conclude that it would probably be for the best if Tom and Dennis hadn't been able to adopt those boys because, hey, God only knows what Tom and Dennis are talking about at the kitchen table when there aren't any cameras (or clueless Mormon bigots) in the house.

GLAAD wants you to contact the folks listed below to complain about Sprigg and Spurlock and 30 Days—and so do I.

20th Century Fox Television, Inc. Jeffrey Glaser Senior Vice President, Current Programming (310) 369-0211 jeffrey.glaser@fox.com

FX Networks:
Nick Grad
Executive Vice President of Original Programming
(310) 369-0949
ngrad@fxnetworks.com

Chuck Saftler
Executive Vice President of Programming
(310) 369-0949
csaftler@fxnetworks.com

Scott Seomin
Vice President of Public Relations
(310) 369-0938
scott.seomin@fxnetwork.com