Yes, Zoo was released and promoted by ThinkFilm:

"May you be in heaven a full half hour before the devil knows you're dead." The Irish saying, which inspired the title of ThinkFilm's highest-grossing release "Before the Devil Knows Your Dead" is an apt one for the specialized distributor, which is currently facing the worst financial crisis of its seven-year history. If last year's release of the acclaimed Sidney Lumet drama marked the heavenly highpoint of the company's career, now Lucifer appears to be breathing down its neck.

And:

Producers associated with Robinson Devor's documentary "Zoo," Susan Kaplan's "Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family" and David Sington's "In the Shadow of the Moon" all refused to comment for this story on the advice of their lawyers.

I ain't saying nothing.

Check out these HIV prevention AIDS out of France...

I'll leave the discussion about whether all those disembodied under-the-sea penises, and all those out-in-space tits, vulvas, mouths, etc., are so revolting that this campaign amounts to a subtle form of aversion therapy. What I think is compelling is the campaign's explicit and implicit messages. Viewers are encouraged to dive in/blast off and "explore" their sexualities, so long as they explore safely ("just protect yourself"). And all those cocks, asses, pussies indicate quite clearly that the funders of this ad campaign—the French government—assumes that your explorations will involve multiple partners. And the government approves of your explorations, and of your having sex with multiple sex partners, so long as you protect yourself.

I would compare this pro-sex ad to some of the anti-sex ads our government funds but, man, it's just too depressing.

Via CopyRanter.

Jezebel informs us that American Apparel has started selling the Hitachi Magic Wand. This is the first time that American Apparel has been linked to masturbation, ever.

(As a side note: I think that this is good news for cities that might not have great sex shops, but Seattleites should continue to buy their Hitachis from Babeland.)

Apparently you can leave newspaper boxes in the middle of sidewalks in Oklahoma City—and a swift kick to the nads is the best reason to read this particular newspaper.

And, I'm sorry, but the answer to "You ever wonder why they call this thing a 'rack'?" is... because it'll punch in the nuts? Wha? Huh?

Remember Alex Kozinski, the Reagan-appointed, conservative Ninth Circuit judge who acknowledged maintaining a publicly accessible web site featuring "sexually explicit images"?

Now the details about that "sexually explicit" material are coming out, and, well, just wow:

Alex Kozinski, chief judge of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, acknowledged in an interview with The Times that he had posted the materials, which included a photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows and a video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal. Some of the material was inappropriate, he conceded, although he defended other sexually explicit content as "funny."

* images of masturbation, public sex and contortionist sex; * a slide show striptease featuring a transsexual; * a folder that contained a series of photos of women's crotches as seen through snug fitting clothing or underwear; * themes of defecation and urination.

Kozinski, of course, "said he must have accidentally uploaded those images to his server while intending to upload something else." Whoops!

And it gets better: According to someone who says he was the source of the information, the Wall Street Journal and other papers knew about the story but decided not to publish it.

Kaimi Wenger, blogging at Concurring Opinions, points out that while watching porn at work might be no big deal under certain circumstances (hell, it's mandatory here at the Stranger), Kozinski was actually hosting a web site with these images. More important, he was a judge charged with ruling on things like obscenity, rape, and sexual harassment. Someone in that position, Wenger writes, needs to be "beyond reproach." At this point, he writes,

I have to suspect that former litigants in cases that were before Judge Kozinski are asking themselves, "was my case impacted by the judge's porn habits?"

Wouldn't you be? Let's say you had a sex harassment case, obscenity case, privacy case, rape case -- hell, all sorts of potentially related topics -- before the judge. Wouldn't you be wondering how the judge's personal habits affected the outcome -- and whether you could re-open that can of worms?

Or for that matter, if your female client lost her case: Is it because the judge hates women? Is it because he's a misogynist who thinks women are like cows?

I'm not saying that those ideas are accurate. In fact, I strongly suspect that they're not. Multiple people who I respect quite a bit have very high opinions of the judge, and I don't believe that would be true if he were neglecting his duty in any significant way.

But those questions or concerns don't have to be accurate to be damaging, do they? Even the perception that the judge might think women are cows -- that potentially undermines the integrity of the whole system, doesn't it?

Which brings us to the broader point. Judge Kozinski's actions affect the reputation of the judiciary, on which rest foundations of the state, like public respect for the rule of law. To the extent that this public disclosure undermines public confidence in the judiciary or the rule of law, it's a very bad thing. There's a reason for the outrage that's expressed when the public hears about judges' bad behavior. As Stephen Gillers told the LAT, "The phrase 'sober as a judge' resonates with the American public."

Which is why Judge Kozinski's decidedly unsober actions are so troubling.

Hey, Cracked, this just arrived in my mailbox—and I actually don't think it's the 11th most terrifying guide to sex. I think it belongs somewhere in the top three. I certainly think it's scarier than your #1 pick, A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting, and way, way scarier than your #2 pick, Intimate Invasions: The Erotic Ins & Outs of Enema Play. I give you... The Toybag Guide to Ageplay.

Here's the back cover. A selection from the first chapter, "What Is Age Play?"

I get asked all the time what Age Play is. It can mean a thousand different things to a thousand different sexual adventurers or curious roleplaying enthusiasts, but there are key threads that run through it.

Age play is any interaction or roleplay between consenting adults (or enjoyed solo by an adult) involving the concept of age as a dynamic... Age play incorporates a sensual or sexual element, buy many "age players," "kidz," babiez," or "littles" enjoy "pure" age play that is just about the role and not about any hanky panky.

Age play is not pedophilia, child porn, or individuals interested in playing with actual biological children. Age Players may use the props of "bio kids," but we are into the props and trappings, not the kids themselves in any way.

I think it's unfair and discriminatory that "kidz" and babiez" get alternate spellings, but "littles" do not. Also, if "Age Players" is going to be capped, I think "Bio Kids" should be as well. Just out of simple, you know, respect.

Cracked.com—which bills itself as "America's only humor and video site" and, yes, will be hearing from Seattle's Only Newspaper's lawyers—lists the 10 Most Terrifying Guides to Sex. I'm ashamed to admit that I have five of the ten titles on a shelf here at the office.

One in four adults in New York City, according to a new study, are infected with the virus that causes genital herpes. (More than one herpes virus can cause sores on your genitals, which makes this genital-herpes-virus stuff confusing, but that's for another post.) The headline seems alarming until you read the story, which points out that nearly one in five adults outside New York City are infected with the virus that causes herpes. So the rate in NYC is significantly higher, and that's worrisome, but it's not like folks in NYC are that much likelier to have herpes than folks in, say, Seattle.

And most people who have the virus that causes genital herpes have no symptoms—a fact that helps to create a gulf between the panic we're supposed to feel based on headlines about herpes infection rates and the relative complacency induced by how little harm the virus does to most people that are infected by it.

In other STI news, the World Health Organization has "admitted," according to a report in the Independent, that an HIV/AIDS pandemic among heterosexuals outside of Africa "has disappeared."

By request.

I am stupidly slobbering over Orange County Chopper's Paul Teutul Jr. this week.

(Originally published in the October 26, 2006 issue of The Stranger, after Obama had visited town for a book signing.)

The Christian dating website BigChurch.com is owned and operated by Various, Inc., a "social networking giant," which itself is owned and operated by Penthouse Media Group—which also owns and operates AdultFriendFinder.com, Bondage.com, and Penthouse.com. Wired's sex columnist, the terrific Regina Lynn, who writes...

It's not like BigChurch isn't about sex. It's just more subtle than a site that's explicitly aimed at swingers. BigChurch's function is to connect people whose concepts of sex are tied so closely to faith and doctrine that it can be difficult to meet potential partners in more traditional settings.

Many people who identify as Christians have a fairly secular attitude toward premarital sex, while others believe in sexual pleasure within marriage. A handful still relegate sex to procreation, and God forbid that you (or at least, she) enjoy it.

With all this variation, it's possible that Christians benefit more from online dating than even kinky people do, in that they don't waste as much time chatting up people who don't share their particular beliefs. After all, with an online matchmaker, it's just a matter of checking the right boxes.

Thanks to Slog tipper Miss Poppy.

Condoms are a famous buzz/boner kill for some. If you're one of those people, and if seeing your own face smiling up at you when you pick up that condom packet would help, Condomania has "a new line of personalized protection" with your name—excuse me, face—on it.

You can order YouCondoms here.

Everything I said about that recent decision by a judge in Toronto that seemed to ban BDSM in Canada? ("People can’t invite violent sex acts, judge rules.") I take it all back.

Canadian pierces lover's heart in botched sex game

A Canadian man who asked his lover to carve a heart-shaped symbol on his chest during a rough sex game almost died when she accidentally pressed too hard and punctured his heart, a newspaper said on Thursday.

The Winnipeg Free Press said the 25-year-old woman had been sentenced to three years' probation after she pleaded guilty to assaulting the man in February 2007.

The 24-year-old man was initially given little chance of survival but made a full recovery and is backing the woman. Both had been drinking heavily and engaging in rough sex when he asked the woman to carve the symbol, the paper said.

That's it. No more rough sex for you, Canada.

Lots of teenagers spend entirely too much time in front of their computers gaping at Internet pornography. But how many of these online porn addicts are... girls? Abby's got a letter today from a self-described online porn "addict" that hews a little too closely to scare stories about porn addiction to be believed. This "friendly, cheerful, religious and an honors student," currently a virgin, started looking at porn on the Internet and now her grades suffering, she's obsessed with sex, she's lost all respect for men, and she's very, very seriously contemplating the loss of her precious, precious virginity.

Abby, of course, recommends counseling.

Playboy Magazine, according to this morning's NYT, isn't raking in the dough like it used to.

Last week, Playboy Enterprises reported that it had lost money in the first quarter of 2008, making it another casualty of the economic downturn and the squeeze between old media and new media. The company had a profit in the corresponding period last year.

Playboy said its weak spot was the domestic media division, which publishes the company’s flagship magazine. The division got a scissors kick from the difficult advertising climate and from the easy availability of bare flesh on the Internet.

Even if the Internet didn't exist—even if extremely hot people all over the world weren't volunteering to show all on sites like Xtube—Playboy would be in trouble. I mean, is there a straight guy out there that can look at a Playboy and get an erection after seeing a single episode of The Girls Next Door? But not to worry, says Playboy to its shareholders, the company has plans to diversify its products:

Playboy, she said, has deals to open casinos and introduce a men’s perfume, as well as plans to upgrade its online operation and improve its content.

A men's cologne from Playboy—for all those straight guys out there who've outgrown Axe Body Spray.

Maybe someone out there thought to ask the President or First Lady this question. Maybe a brave member of the White House press corps broached the subject at that press conference where the first lady took questions about the tragedy in Burma and her daughter's upcoming wedding, and there's a transcript out there somewhere and I can't find it. But if there is, if someone did ask this question, I can't find the story. So I'll ask here:

Was Jenna Bush a virgin on her wedding night?

Was the mucous membrane that partially covered Jenna Bush's external vaginal opening intact on Saturday night? Was her daddy seen nailing a bloody sheet to a fence post at the entrance to his ranch in Crawford, Texas, on Sunday morning? Anybody? A Google search of "Jenna Bush" and "virgin" turns up just 10 articles, most dating from before her wedding, and none are about this Bush twin's virginity. (One is about Bob Schieffer giving a speech in Texas—WTF?)

Now whether a penis had ever, prior to Saturday night, been introduced into Jenna Bush's vaginal canal, rending her maidenhead and ending her virginity, may sound like a private matter—something that's between Jenna Bush and her new husband and her daddy's laundress—but so might your daughter's virginity. Or your son's. But the federal government, under the leadership of Jenna Bush's father, has made it quite clear that the virginity of young Americans isn't a private matter. The federal government, under the leadership of Jenna's daddy, has pumped more than a billion dollars worth of public's money into abstinence education programs. And when he was governor of Texas Bush invested the hard-earned money of that state's taxpayers in abstinence education programs. For more than a decade now teenagers and young adults—including, presumably/particularly, the Bush twins—have been instructed to abstain from sexual activity until marriage.

So this is a reasonable question, a prudent one, a fair one, one that the GAO might want to look into: Was Jenna Bush a virgin on her wedding night?

And if she wasn't, here's the obvious followup: Why wasn't she? If Jenna Bush wasn't a virgin on her wedding night—Jenna Bush, the daughter of George W. Bush, who sat down to dinner every night with the world's biggest backer of abstinence education programs, silver ring things, father-daughter purity balls, hymens-bursting-on-wedding-nights, etc.—hasn't abstinence education been a huge waste of public money?

Hm... maybe it's too early for this?

It's an ad for a "high performance lubricants" for sale a sex shop in Geneva, Switzerland, and—needless to say—it couldn't happen here. And, yes, that's a picture of Oscar Wilde on the wall. A literary reference classes the whole thing up, no? Via copyranter.

This story via Jezebel:

A team of Helsingborg, Sweden, high school students has won a national award for its invention—men's underwear with pockets for condom storage.

The three young men—who founded the company Sooner Than Already There—were given the national Young Enterprise award at a Tuesday ceremony in Stockholm, The Local reported Wednesday.

The students said they have sold 350 pairs of the underwear, which they designed to help combat unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Needless to say, American high school students wouldn't win an award for this sort of invention (which, Jezebel points out, isn't all that original). Because here in America, of course, teenagers don't have sex, don't use condoms, and their use of undergarments can neither be confirmed nor denied lest we accidentally overexcite America's youth pastors.

A congressman has introduced legislation that would ban the sale of Playboy, Hustler, Penthouse and other "men's magazines" on U.S. military bases. Needless to say, a Republican is pushing this anti-troop measure.

U.S. Rep. Paul Broun, R-Ga., has introduced legislation that would close a loophole in the current law that allows the sale of some sexually explicit material on military bases by lowering the threshold required to deem material "sexually explicit."

A Department of Defense committee that reviews materials sold on bases ruled last year that magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse are not pornographic. But Broun's Military Honor and Decency Act includes language that could make those magazines eligible for the ban.... Some soldiers say magazines that could be banned are particularly important downrange.

Brown deployed to Afghanistan in 2002 and 2005 and is preparing to go to Iraq with the 12th Combat Aviation Brigade this summer. When he was in Afghanistan he was one of the first to pick up a new copy of Maxim or FHM when it came out, he said.

"It would suck if they ban it," he said. "It's bad enough we are down there to begin with. Taking that away would be like a knife in the chest. I'm not saying I'm depending on Maxim to keep me alive over there, but it helps."

Yeah, yeah—again with the Globe and Mail story. It'll be out of my system soon, gang, I swear. But it needs to be said...

Reporter Kirk Makin exposed his bias—he pulled it out and slowly stroked it—when he used the word "raunchy" to describe the sex life of a married couple in his piece today. Way to be objective there, Kirk. And then there's this:

Judge Nicholas noted that the couple—who have a son—had regularly engaged in sadomasochistic behaviour over the years.

As if insulting this particular couple and calling into question their fitness to parent weren't bad enough, Makin fails Globe and Mail readers—raunchy or regular—by neglecting to get a quote from someone willing to defend a common type of sexual expression that is now, it seems, illegal in Ontario. Makin quotes a scandalized judge and a crusading prosecutor but he doesn't bother to find anyone to speak for the other side, i.e. for all those raunchy, disenfranchised kinksters up there in Canada.

Compare Makin's piece to this ABC News story about the bondage-gone-wrong death of a man in Tennessee last week. The ABC News piece includes several quotes from Susan Wright of the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom. From ABC News:

Bondage Rule of Thumb Broken

"You never, ever leave someone alone when they're in bondage," Wright said. "For safety reasons, if someone's in bondage, you have to be there to observe them and make sure there are no complications."

Wright likened responsible bondage to sky diving and rock climbing—both activities that are not smart to do solo. She said that typically, couples involved in the fetish establish safewords that are used when someone becomes uncomfortable.

"You don't just up and leave someone because accidents happen," she said. "These are sex games. People are just supposed to be having fun."

So retroactive props to David Schoetz of ABC News for doing his job. And Makin? You're a stupid fucking hack.

Sorry, but back to the prosecutor in today's Globe and Mail story for just a moment:

"It is paradoxical to argue that a person who lacks consciousness is in a position to enjoy heightened or intensified sexual gratification," Mr. Cole argued in oral submissions to the court.

He he. Oral submission—is that still legal in Canada?

Anyway, this statement is so willfully obtuse about BDSM that it makes me wonder if this guy got a fair trial. Again, I'm against breath play, and I'm not saying that what went down on that particular night between that particular couple was consensual. That was for the court to decide—which the court could have done without leaning on case law that criminalizes spankings.

Did anyone testify during this trial about the sexual and emotional dynamics of BDSM? Many people that enjoy BDSM—folks that cheerfully consent to eroticized violence and what might look like "bodily harm" to others—don't enjoy the actual spankings, whippings, etc., in and of themselves. (Some do, of course.) What many BDSM players enjoy, what many find erotic, is the dread of what's to come and, once spanking/whipping/whatever ends, the charged memory of what they've just endured. Someone can consent—foolishly, in my opinion—to being choked into unconsciousness and very much enjoy "heightened or intensified sexual gratification" before and after the act, just as someone that doesn't enjoy the pain of an actual flogging, say, can enjoy the thrill of an impending flogging and the erotic charge they get knowing they made it through a flogging.

Sheesh. I mean, take the guy in the photo above—you can watch him endure bodily harm by clicking here. (NSFW—duh.) He certainly seems to be dreading and enduring and yet thoroughly enjoying himself in the process, no?

Leave your bondage gear and floggers at home if you're headed up to Canada for the weekend. Check out this headline in today's Globe and Mail...

People can't invite violent sex acts, judge rules

Okay, before we look at the judge's ruling: The details of this particular case are... troubling, to say the least, even for a kink-positive writer like me. ("Kink-positive" does not equal "anything goes." Never did.) A man choked his wife into unconsciousness and when she came to a few minutes later, she was bent over the bed, her hands tied behind her back, a dildo buried in her ass. A month later the woman reported her husband to the police, and he was arrested and charged with assault. But before going to trial the woman "changed her mind," and claimed she hadn't been assaulted.

The woman insisted in her testimony that they had engaged in similar activities in the past, and that she routinely consented to being choked....

Judge Nicholas noted that the couple—who have a son—had regularly engaged in sadomasochistic behaviour over the years. They even had a codeword—"tweety bird"—which either could use at any time to indicate to the other that a particular sex act must stop immediately.

Okaaaaay. I don't know what the hell was going on in this marriage. And for the record I'm opposed to erotic "choking games" during sex—particularly during solo sex. (Here's an excellent Control Tower on the subject. On the subject of "breath play," as on so many others, I agree with and defer to the Mistress.) It's also possible for one half of a kinky couple to assault his or her other half despite the couple having engaged in "similar activities" in the past—hell, the activities could be identical. A lack of consent the second, third, or millionth time a couple indulges in any form of sex play makes the act assault and/or rape—and that's the case whether the couple enjoys a thoroughly vanilla sex life or, as the Globe and Mail gratuitously and inaccurately put it about this particular couple, "a raunchy sex life." (Note to G&M reporter Kirk Makin: "raunch" is its very own kink, one that that involves bodily filth—stanky pits, dirty buttholes, rank piss, vomit, etc. Next time, Kirk, keep your disgust to yourself, eh?)

Why did this woman wait a month before going to the police? Dunno. Why did she recant? Dunno. But we do know this: Many women have hesitated to report sexual assaults due to shame and fear—particularly when the perp is a spouse. And many, many women with physically abusive partners have recanted in the past. Again, I don't know what was going on in this marriage or this woman's head. But the circumstances are, as I said, deeply troubling, and I'm not opposed to an investigation or, indeed, a prosecution under the circumstances.

But here's what I do know and really want to address: The judge found the husband guilty of assault—but, according to details in the Globe and Mail, her ruling was not so much based on the particulars of this case (although the judge did point to "contradictions in the woman's testimony"), but on disgust for BDSM and a willful cluelessness about human sexuality. For the judge didn't merely rule that, regular BDSM players or not, this woman had been assaulted by her husband on that particular night. She ruled—and ruled broadly—that BDSM is always assault. Back to the G&M:

"Even if she had consented previously—or on that night—she cannot legally consent to sexual activity that takes place when she is unconscious," the judge said.

Citing a line of case law involving voluntary whippings, brandings and canings—some from England—Judge Nicholas said the courts have generally ruled that individuals cannot voluntarily invite violent acts against themselves.

Oh, man. So an adult—in Canada or England—cannot "invite," or give consent to, an erotic thrashing? Having a cigarette extinguished on his chest? Being punched in the gut—hard, over and over again, until he's bruised and gasping for air? (Yes, all kinks.) This judge's ruling doesn't just rest on a finding about the absence of consent in this instance—and wouldn't that have been enough to find guilt?—but on previous cases that criminalized spankings, for crying out loud. It sets a precedent that defines eroticized, controlled, mutually consensual sexual "violence" as sexual assault, regardless of consent. Here's the prosecutor:

Crown counsel Mihael Cole successfully contended that an individual cannot consent to bodily harm, such as being choked to the point of unconsciousness.

That "such as" really troubles me—it implies that this prosecutor has a list somewhere of other non-fatal, non-permanently-injurious sex acts that he thinks are illegal because a person cannot consent to "bodily harm." And you know what they say about bodily harm: One couple's "bodily harm" is another couple's "tender lovemaking." (They don't say that—but they should.) Short of permanent and irreversible bodily harm—amputations, castrations, beheadings—courts and police and prosecutors shouldn't interfere in or try to limit adult consensual sex expression. Period. It's about the right to control your own body and pursue your own pleasures without having to worry about the state tossing you into prison for the crime of being kinky.

Courtyard by Marriott is developing all sorts of new features for their hotel rooms in a top-secret test guest room, the X-Room, according to today's New York Times. Among the features being tested out in the X-Room? Waterproof mattresses. Why waterproof mattresses? The New York Times doesn't say.

The room, set up last November by Courtyard by Marriott in partnership with the University of Delaware in Newark, is a test guest room. It is equipped with everything from waterproof mattresses to the experimental technology of wireless electricity (no plugs) to a specially designed Nintendo Wii game console for travelers. There is also a digital door display that lets people see who is in the corridor....

Marriott is already introducing some of the concepts in its hotels. William Sullivan, managing director of the hotel in Newark, Del., that houses the X-room, says the company has made some interesting findings: “Everyone is interested in the Nintendo Wii. All hotels see that has potential.” A waterproof mattress is also being tried out across a pilot group of hotels while a Marriott in Las Vegas is testing the digital door display....

Wiis, digital door displays, wireless—I can see the applications, I can see the benefits to weary travelers. Heck, the New York Times walks us through the applications and benefits. But what's up with those waterproof mattress? Later in the story we're told that researchers have discovered that travelers want, "a place to sit that wasn’t the bed with a surface they could wipe down,” so they're putting leather-topped ottomans in the X-Room. But the still don't explain what the hell the waterproof mattresses are for.

They're not for carrying down to the pool and they're not floatation devices. About the only time adults—well, most of 'em anyway—wet the bed is, of course, when they wet the bed on purpose. So... uh...

The abortion rate in the United States keeps falling—24% between 1990 and 2004—but access to abortion services doesn't seem to be the reason. If access were the issue, birth rates would be rising. But birth rate are falling too, although not by nearly as much; birth rates fell 6% in the same time frame. (So access may be playing a role.) So what do experts think is going on?

Well, it's a complicated issue, multi-factored, with lots of variables....

The answers are probably many: more contraceptive choices, state laws requiring parental notification where minors are concerned, fewer unintended pregnancies and some surprising trends among teenagers.... [And much] has been written about a teen "hookup culture" in which casual sex has become more commonplace than ever. Demographer Joyce Abma of the National Center for Health Statistics said that might be true for oral sex but not for intercourse.

Let's hear it for oral sex—seriously. For young and inexperienced straight kids that want to be sexually intimate, oral sex is great, low-stakes option, a way for them to enjoy each other without risking pregnancy. Oral sex, frottage, and mutual masturbation should be recommended to all young people, gay and straight, as a good ways to gain experience, minimize risks, and build confidence before they move on to vaginal or anal intercourse.

...shoulder. And that's not okay, because the Disney star is only 15 years old and she wasn't wearing a top and so her teenage breasts can totally be inferred here. Parents are outraged, Cyrus is contrite, and Vanity Fair is bad. Because we all know that it's a slippery slope from inferring teenage breasts to, you know, actually blowing loads all over 'em. So instead of looking at this shocking, exploitative picture of Miley Cyrus's bare shoulder, let's look instead at this wholesome picture of a pre-teenage girl modeling the Hannah Montana Girls Rock Bikini—for sale now at Disney's website.

Ah... that's better.

Someone wake me when the Bush administration is over:

Experts say sex abstinence program doesn't work

Programs teaching U.S. schoolchildren to abstain from sex have not cut teen pregnancies or sexually transmitted diseases or delayed the age at which sex begins, health groups told Congress on Wednesday.

The Bush administration, however, voiced continuing support for such programs during a hearing before a House of Representatives panel even as many Democrats called for cutting off federal money for so-called abstinence-only instruction.

"This is starting to get monotonous," says Slog tipper Karla. I couldn't agree more. And you know what else is getting monotonous? Watching the Democrats that control congress throw money at failed abstinence-only education programs because they're afraid of being characterized as, you know, soft on teen sex.

The Republicans, of course, are hard on teen sex. Rock fucking hard.

The last time gay porntrepreneur Van Darkholme—of the BondoGods video series and the recent book Male Bondage—made an appearance on a website other than his own, Bill Donohue's Catholic League was using Van to terrify the suits at Miller Beer.

Well, this week Kink.com—the SF-based online BDSM porn empire (here's a great write-up of Kink.com in The New York Times Magazine)—announced that they've hired Van to create a gay BDSM porn site for them. Kink.com currently runs 13 sites—WiredPussy, Device Bondage, Hogtied, etc.—and all of them are straight. (And yes, in my opinion, TS Seduction is a straight site.) Did I mention that Kink.com is based in SF? Home to, you know, lots of gay men? Some of them very, very kinky?

They were aware of the oversight. Says Kink.com...

Having been searching for someone to help them break into the gay market for over a year, Kink.com is thrilled to have finally found Van. His unique background and impressive body of work made him the perfect choice to develop Kink.com's next new website.

Van—who's been a guest expert in "Savage Love"—discusses his new gig at BehindKink, Kink.com's blog.

Congrats, Van!

Kerry Cohen has written two—two—whole memoirs about what a promiscuous, out-of-control cock-hound she used to be: Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity and Easy. I haven't read either of them, and neither have the ladies at Jezebel, who say they prefer "learning by doing."

Like the ladies at Jezebel, I know a slut when I see one—and this Cohen woman? She's no slut. Cohen is 37 and says she has slept with "forty-odd men," according to an interview she did with women's mag Marie Claire ("Confessions of a Sex Addict"). I don't have the time, energy, or anti-nausea meds to wade through Cohen's personal website, but presuming she became sexually active when most of us do—around age 16—her forty-odd sex partners works out to fewer than two dudes a year.

Um... that's not promiscuity, Kerry, that's serial monogamy. Please make a note of it.

More at Jezebel.

Kermit seeks Piggy.

Some time ago, I found an original full head rubber Miss Piggy mask, circa 1977, complete with a full head of long blond hair. I am looking for a tall, sexy BBW, preferably over 300 pounds, to wear this mask to bed. She should also be open to playing with plastic wrap and liquid latex. Blonde is best, I suppose, but not necessary. Who knows – for the right woman I might just get a green rubber suit and a Kermit mask.

If you're going to ruin your broadcasting career, you might as we go out in spectacular fashion:

CNN personality Richard Quest was busted in Central Park early yesterday with some drugs in his pocket, a rope around his neck that was tied to his genitals, and a sex toy in his boot, law-enforcement sources said.

Quest, 46, was arrested at around 3:40 a.m. after a cop spotted him and another man inside the park near 64th Street, a police source said.

(Thanks to Slog-tipper Julie.)

Deborah Jeane Palfrey was found guilty by a jury yesterday of running a prostitution service that, as they say, "catered to the Washington elite." Palfrey broke some idiotic laws and she's going to sentenced on July 24th and will likely do time. Palfrey's many clients—a list that included members of the Washington elite like U.S. Sen. David "Diapers" Vitter, a GOP family-values crusader from Louisiana—also broke some idiotic laws but they haven't been charged with anything, won't be found guilty of anything, and won't do time. Vitter won't even be forced to resign.

Palfrey's defense lawyers maintained that she wasn't aware that her employees were engaging in acts of prostitution—sure, Deborah, sure—and pointed to contracts signed by her employees that stated they would be fired if they engaged in any illegal acts. But prosecutors argued that Palfrey had to know that her employees were engaged in illegal acts—illegal acts could be inferred, assumed, taken for granted. Here's the prosecutor being quoted by CNN:

"When a man agrees to pay $250 for 90 minutes with a woman, what do most men expect in that time?" prosecutor Daniel Butler asked during closing arguments Monday. "In that context, it's pretty clear. Most men want sex."

Yes, Mr. Butler, most men want sex. So it's pretty clear, in the context of a $250-for-90-minutes escort service, that sex is going on. But it's also clear that Palfrey wasn't the only person that coulda, woulda, shoulda known that, in that context, it was clear that sex would be going on. It's pretty clear that Vitter and others knowingly broke the law too—Vitter has admitted to breaking the law—and yet these men haven't been charged with anything. I don't think prostitution should be illegal, of course. But if we're going to throw the book at Palfrey because she had to know just what her clients were buying, then we're obligated to throw the book at her clients, men who knew damn well what they were buying.

Oh, and this CNN sidebar points out, there are other escort services up and running in Washington D.C., and prosecutors show no signs of shutting the them down or throwing their owners and operators in jail. So this prosecution of Palfrey wasn't the opening of a front line in a war on prostitution. It is the politically-motivated prosecution of one woman.

Marilyn Monroe, amateur porn star:

An illicit copy of the steamy, still-FBI-classified reel - 15 minutes of 16mm film footage in which the original blond bombshell performs oral sex on an unidentified man - was just sold to a New York businessman for $1.5 million, said Keya Morgan, the well-known memorabilia collector who discovered the film and brokered its purchase.

The footage appears to have been shot in the 1950s. When it came to light in the mid-'60s, then-FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover had his agents spend two weeks futilely trying to prove that Monroe's sex partner was either John F. Kennedy or Robert F. Kennedy, according to declassified agency documents and interviews, Morgan said.

The silent black-and-white flick shows Monroe on her knees in front of a man whose face is just out of the shot.

He never moves into the shot, indicating that he knew the camera was there, but Monroe never looks at the lens, said Morgan, who saw the footage.

Morgan said he discovered the film while doing research for a documentary on Monroe, after talking with a former FBI agent who told him about a confidential informant who tipped G-men to the existence of the film in the mid-'60s.

The feds eventually confiscated the original footage - but not before the informant made a copy of it, which is what was just sold by his son, Morgan said.

This one involves a Republican country commissioner, scores of male prostitutes, dozens of hidden cameras, and hundreds of hours of secretly taped sex sessions.

According to court documents, Trooper Bryan R. Henneman said he “received information prior to the search warrant that Barclay had been involved in the hiring of prostitutes.” During a subsequent interview, Henneman said Barclay admitted to hiring prostitutes on a weekly basis at his residence in Monroe Twp.”

The affidavit describes several such encounters with an Internet escort service known as “harrisburgfratboys.com.” Court documents indicate Barclay twice flew a 19-year-old man referred to as “W.M.” to his West Palm Beach home. During a trip last month, “W.M” told investigators that Barclay flew a male prostitute from Binghamton, N.Y., and paid that man $1,500.

The affidavit describes a hidden camera network that included cameras hidden in a bathroom, bedrooms and “indoor recreational areas.” Cameras were hidden inside AM/FM radios, motion detectors and intercom speaker systems, court documents say.

During an interview with Barclay, Henneman said he “admitted to using the cameras to record sexual encounters.” Police say Barclay saved between 100 and 500 encounters on his computer system.

So... a lot of folks feel it's not okay for the sixty-something son of the leader of the pre-WWII British fascists to host a "Nazi-style orgy." I wonder how those people feel about Israeli Holocaust survivors that shared his passion for Nazi-style role playing games?

Also from the NYT:

Possible Nazi Theme of Grand Prix Boss’s Orgy Draws Calls to Quit

I wasn't able to comment on this story when it broke last week because, uh, you know. And seeing as I'm a little late to the game—and the Internet is a race, after all, and to the death)—I won't go on and on about it. But I would like to say this:

Having a Nazi fetish doesn't make you a Nazi anymore than having a high heel fetish makes you shoe. Yes, it's a disturbing fetish, as fetishes go, and it's a particularly discomforting fetish for the son of the leader of the British fascists, feted by Hitler, imprisoned by Churchill, etc. But Max Mosely's privacy was invaded, his actions were legal, and fetishes and fantasies are—when realized with consenting adults—nobody's business save the participants.

Even when lashes are counted out in German.

Brad's post below is making my head hurt.

Attention anyone who suffered through abstinence-only sex education:
A ton of excellent, easy to use, incredibly effective and relatively cheap birth control options exist.

You should also know that condoms, while excellent for protecting you from disease, are a somewhat crappy form of birth control--at least with typical use of condoms. Use them, but if you're planning on having sex regularly, you should add on a better method of birth control in addition to condoms.

If your method of birth control fails--ripped condom, slipping when removing a condomed-up penis, no condom, forgot to take the pill, drunken assault and so on--a fantastic new drug exists that can stop you from becoming pregnant, if you use it soon enough. The morning after pill--otherwise known as Plan B or emergency contraception--reduces the chance of getting pregnant by at least 75%, provided it is taken within 48 hours after sex. The sooner after sex you take the pill, the better it works.

It doesn't work through abortion; rather it can prevent ovulation (the ovary releasing an egg to be fertilized) or implantation in the uterus of a fertilized egg. If you are already pregnant, it won't hurt the embryo or fetus.

The side effects are relatively mild for almost all women, at worst similar to a really bad period.

And in a growing number of states, including Washington, you don't even need to talk to a doctor first.

In Alaska, California, Hawaii, Maine, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Mexico, and Washington, laws allow women to get Emergency Contraception directly from a pharmacy without first going to a doctor or clinic.

In King County, when in doubt, head for a Safeway.

In Seattle, the Safeways at
85th and 15th NW in Ballard,
22nd Ave E and Madison on Capitol Hill,
U-Village in the U-District,
the corner of California and Admiral Way or 28th ave s and Roxbury in West Seattle,
1st ave w and Republican st in Lower Queen Anne
carry and will give out the emergency contraception.

Expect to pay a little under $50.

I guarantee it'll work better than a douche of Sprite, or a shot of Mountain Dew.

Updated:

A friendly cartoon penis tells you how to use a condom properly:

And a pair of cartoon genitals explain how pregancy happens:

Update 2:
Several readers have pointed out:

On August 24, 2006, Plan B was approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for nonprescription sale to women and men 18 and older in the United States.

You can search for a provider near you that has committed to offering emergency contraception over-the-counter.

If you live in a state resistant to over-the-counter sales, you (men and women) can buy the morning after pill before the morning after, and have it ready just in case...

Abstinence-only education in action:

A recent survey that found some Florida teens believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy has prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.

(Thanks to Slog tipper Chery.)

Apparently, it's illegal to show nipples in public in Florida. This even goes for male wrestlers, as seen in this Orlando billboard for a WWE show.

Chalk one up for equal opportunity censorship.

I occasionally check in with Waiter Rant, because I'm fascinated with food service stories from the servers' side of things. But yesterday's posting has confused the hell out of me. Here's the pertinent excerpt:

“Ha!” Chimo says in the teasing sing song voice of a grade-schooler who knows the meaning of a sexual term before his playmates do. “You don’t know what a deluxe blowjob is.”

...[T]o humor him, I ask. “Okay, explain it.”

Chimo gives me his descriptive explanation. I won’t get into it here. Suffice to say it’s sophomoric – and sort of disgusting.

Sophomoric? Disgusting? Those are my middle names! Sadly, there's nothing on Urban Dictionary to explain the act, and Googling "deluxe blowjob" is interesting, but unhelpful. I have the creeping feeling that I will never find out what a deluxe blowjob is, and that saddens me in a very real, very pathetic way.