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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on October 30 at 10:30 AM


deanbarnes1030.jpg A Baker County grand jury has indicted a former Nazarene Church youth pastor on 23 sex crimes, 13 more than police had originally charged him with. Dean B. Barnes, 35, was arraigned last week before Judge Greg Baxter and is held in the Baker County Jail with bail set at $750,000.

He is charged with two counts of sodomy, six counts of unlawful sexual penetration, five counts of first-degree sexual abuse, five counts of second-degree sexual abuse and five counts of third-degree sexual abuse, said Union County District Attorney Tim Thompson....

Thompson said the crimes, listed in separate incidents, involved a 16-year-old girl and took place in Baker County between March 11, 2008, and July 30, 2008. The age of consent for sexual contact in Oregon is 18.


The Indianapolis Metro Police sex crimes unit is investigating a former youth volunteer at one of Indiana's largest churches. Three teenage girls say the person they trusted for spiritual guidance at St. Luke's United Methodist Church on the north side crossed the line.

According to the police report, the encounter happened last year. The then-16-year-old girl came forward last week to recount how the 23-year-old youth volunteer kissed and touched her even after she told him to stop. Later, she says he continued the advances by "grabbing her buttocks at church functions, text messaging her and calling her." She spoke up after hearing there were two others....

St. Luke's senior pastor says the contact began with well-meaning counseling at Luke's Lodge behind the church, but then crossed the line.


The Youth Ministry of Baptist Bible Fellowship Church will host a free Truth-N-Treat Family Hot Dog Supper on its parking lot Friday.

The event, which begins at 5:30 p.m., will feature activities including a cupcake walk and candy for children. Youth Minister Marcus Taylor organized the event to offer a safe option to families and children as they celebrate Halloween.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The People at Urban Outfitters Must Really Love Jesus Christ

posted by on October 29 at 1:25 PM

...because they've had Christmas decorations in their store windows for at least a week and a half.

Sorry to get all Andy Rooney on your behinds, but when did Christmas decor before Halloween become okay?

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on October 28 at 4:38 PM

Vancouver, BC:

YPW102808.jpgA Canadian Anglican youth pastor convicted of child sex crimes and imprisoned in Mexico is still being paid by his British Columbia church. The Rev. Paul Woehrle of St. David's Anglican Church told The Province newspaper in Vancouver that 41-year-old Brad Firth has been receiving $1,000 a month since his arrest....

Firth was convicted in Mexico in July 2004 of sexually abusing a 14-year-old Mexican boy who attended a Bible church camp in the Baja Peninsula in 2001, and sentenced to 11 years, less time already served, the report said.... Firth is also wanted by police in Delta, British Columbia, on one count each of possessing child pornography and accessing child pornography, which he will face whenever he returns to Canada.


The Indianapolis Metro Police sex crimes unit is investigating a former youth volunteer at one of Indiana's largest churches. Three teenage girls say the person they trusted for spiritual guidance at St. Luke's United Methodist Church on the north side crossed the line.

According to the police report, the encounter happened last year. The then-16-year-old girl came forward last week to recount how the 23-year-old youth volunteer kissed and touched her even after she told him to stop. Later, she says he continued the advances by "grabbing her buttocks at church functions, text messaging her and calling her." She spoke up after hearing there were two others.


A lawsuit has been filed against Mark McDowell, a former Camarillo youth minister sentenced to prison last week after pleading guilty to molesting minors. Some of McDowell's victims filed the suit, which also names as defendants Camarillo Church of Christ, where he served as a youth minister, and some yet-to-be-identified church elders, according to the plaintiffs' attorney, Ron Bamieh.

McDowell, 48, was sentenced to three years and four months in prison after pleading guilty in July to two counts of molesting a minor and two counts of digital penetration.

Bamieh alleged that his law firm's investigation revealed that church elders became aware of McDowell's "improper conduct" with the first victim and did nothing to prevent McDowell from victimizing more girls.


posted by on October 28 at 9:50 AM

I can't stop watching the music video for Beyoncé's new tune "Single Ladies":

I've watched it about 50 times and could watch it 50 more times. Some of the hidden power of Beyonce's video is revealed when compared to Grace Jone's recently released video for the tune "Corporate Cannibal," a video and song that best expresses the kind of evil at the root of the current collapse of global capitalism.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

"Porn-Surfing Clergyman Downs Church Network"

posted by on October 22 at 1:18 PM

Devoted Slog tipper Reggie sends the day's second weird story out of Sweden. From Sweden's The Local:

A church minister from Strängnäs in central Sweden has resigned from his post after his porn-surfing habits led to the spread of a virus that knocked out the local church network, Metro reports.

But the most fascinating bit is tacked on at the end:

The number of sex-related cases involving men of the cloth has skyrocketed in recent years, according to Metro....A pastor in Gothenburg recently came under scrutiny for moistening post-it notes with his penis and sticking them up in an office.

Even better, the moist-wanged pastor was allowed to keep his job. Full story here.

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on October 22 at 11:16 AM


deanbarnes.jpgThe former youth pastor at the Baker City Nazarene Church, who previously worked for four years as a Baker County juvenile counselor, has been charged with sex crimes related to his role with the church.

Dean B. Barnes, 34, of 3100 H St., was arrested by Baker City Police at 10:30 p.m. Monday at his home. Barnes is charged with five counts each of first-degree sexual abuse and second-degree sexual abuse involving a 16-year-old Baker City girl. Police Chief Wyn Lohner said in a press release issued today that Barnes subjected the victim to “multiple incidents of non-consensual sexual contacts” between March and August of this year....

Barnes had been on a trip to Israel with a missionary group not associated with the Nazarene Church until Monday night, Lohner said.

“We tracked when he would be back and last night when he returned we contacted him and arrested him,” he said.

West Virginia:

tedmonds100.jpgA circuit judge has dismissed the criminal case against a former Chesapeake youth pastor accused of sexually abusing a 16-year-old girl, but her mother is hopeful he can still be brought to trial.

Assistant Prosecutor Michelle Drummond said the state would present charges again to a grand jury to get a superceding indictment against Timothy C. Edmonds, 37, a former pastor at Chesapeake Apostolic Church.... The girl associated with both lawsuits and the criminal case is described as "functionally disabled."

Judge Irene Berger agreed with Sullivan that the state had taken too long to bring an indictment against Edmonds and said she was dismissing the case.

The girl's mother, Debra Green, said the family planned to attend the trial next week.

"It's very frustrating, but I'm not giving up," she said. "We have DNA and witnesses. We're not dropping the charges. He is guilty as sin."


Tyler Ray Kesty was issued a citation for Drugs - Simple Possession of Marijuana on HWY 111 when he was stopped for no seat-belt. Mr. Kesty stated that he was a youth pastor at the Pentecostal church in Livingston and that he had no knowledge of the contraband the K-9 found in his glove box. Mr. Kesty said that it was probably left by someone else but he also said that his finger prints might be on the bag.

Tyler's MySpace page is here.

There's Probably No God

posted by on October 22 at 8:55 AM

Many yeligious types will tell you that there's this higher power, a supreme intelligence, and that, in the case of Christianity, this higher power loves you and died for your sins and is the savior of all mankind and the prince of peace and the lamb of God and your loving father and wocka wocka wocka—and if you don't believe them and accept Him as your personal savior—or even if you do but live in a way that He, according to them, condemns—then your loving father is gonna cast your ass into hell after you die, where you will suffer unspeakable torments at the hands of Satan and his devils. In hell you will suffer extravagantly—and suffer eternally—all for the unforgivable sin of having rejected your lord and savior in this life.

Because, really, what is life but a great, big, cosmically cruel trick question? Okay, class: Which religion is the right religion? Pick the right one and you go to paradise; pick one of the thousands of wrong ones and you go to hell. Want some help determining which religion is the right religion? You could ask some of the religious people threatening you with eternal damnation for guidance, I suppose, but since all religious people maintain that their religion is the right religion—the right answer to the big trick question—and all other religions are the wrong answer, you're not going to get much unbiased guidance from the religious people threatening you with eternal damnation, torment, roasting-on-spits, etc.

Anyway, many of these religious people—the ones always going on and on about how much their higher power hates your sinful ass, and all the unspeakable things their loving/monstrous God is going to do to you in the afterlife if you don't placate them and Him with your love and devotion here and now—get damn upset when people who don't believe in God express their opinions with anything approaching the same aggressiveness. Telling you that you're an evil sinner who brings hurricanes down on our heads? That's fine. Telling them that their God probably doesn't exist? Hateful!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Enemy

posted by on October 21 at 10:59 AM

Not her personally, of course. Just the stupidity and close-mindedness that she so ably personifies.

Via Sullivan.

Catholic League Breaks with Vatican on Gay Priests

posted by on October 21 at 9:57 AM

Bill Donohue's Catholic League pimped out—excuse me, pumped out—a press release this morning attacking Fox's animated sitcom Family Guy:

In the October 19 episode of Fox’s “Family Guy,” characters Brian (the family dog) and Stewie (the family child) travel in a time machine to rescue Mort Goldman (a Jewish family-friend) from the Nazi invasion of Poland. After Brian and Stewie disguise Mort as a priest to get him out of the country, a Nazi officer asks Mort, “Are you sure you’re a real priest?” Stewie replies, “Yeah, yeah, I can vouch for him, he’s real. He’s molested me many, many times.”

The headline of the press release? "FOX'S 'FAMILY GUY' SLANDERS GAY PRIESTS." Someone needs to let Bill know that slandering gay priests is the Vatican's official position on the Church's sex-abuse scandals.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Sensitive or Cowardly?

posted by on October 20 at 3:00 PM

A distilled version from the BBC:

Copies of LittleBigPlanet are being recalled from shops worldwide after it emerged that a background music track contained two phrases from the Koran.
The music in question comes from a Grammy award-winning Somali artist and is known to have been available through online music stores for months.
In an e-mail the [Muslim] gamer who spotted the Koranic phrases warned that mixing music and words from Islam's most holy text could be considered deeply offensive by Muslims. He suggested producing a software patch to remove the music.

Media Molecule said it did produce a patch but, following consultation with Sony, decided to go further.

"We decided to do a global recall to ensure that there was no possible way anyone may be offended by the music in the game," said a Sony spokesman.
In June 2007, Sony apologised to the Church of England after setting scenes in a violent video game inside Manchester Cathedral. On that occasion the game was not withdrawn.

So what's behind this story? Is Sony afraid of violent Muslim radicals? Or a boycott? (Does the Muslim world really make up that much of their sales percentage?) Or is it just a case of someone being so open-minded that his brains fell out?

And a couple lines in a song by a Grammy-winning singer is nothing compared to, say, setting violent scenes inside Mecca. (Which, at least, would be historically accurate.) So why the disproportionate response from Sony?

This recall doesn't smell like sensitivity—it smells like fear.

Meet the Christian Nymphos

posted by on October 20 at 1:11 PM


No, they're not a hot new rock band (though Christian Nymphos is the greatest band name this side of Stigmata Handjob). They're married Christian ladies filled with the spirit of horniness!

Each one of us who posts on this blog is a Christ follower. We all believe that God came down from heaven and was born of the virgin Mary…his name was Jesus; he walked this Earth performing signs and miracles, but mostly trying to get man to see the love that God had for him. He was crucified, died and buried. On the third day he rose again, ascending into Heaven, where He rules at the right hand of God the Father as part of the three-part trinity. We believe that his death and resurrection are God’s free gift, our Salvation, which we can never possibly earn except by believing that Christ died for our sins. We believe that His return is imminent, can happen at any moment and we anxiously await the day we are reunited with our Savior in Heaven.

We are women with excessive sexual desire for our husbands! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, God wants us to be madly in love with our husbands. He wants us to keep that fire burning in our marriage beds! We have the Song of Solomon as a perfect example of a Christ honored union where the two people are obviously intoxicated with each other.

Good for you, Christian nymphos. (And thank you, MetaFilter.)

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on October 20 at 11:26 AM


10202008.jpgA former basketball coach at a Baptist school in Downers Grove will spend time behind bars for having a sexual relationship with a student.

John Puga, 36, of Aurora was sentenced Friday to serve one year in the DuPage County jail with work release privileges after he pleaded guilty to molesting a 17-year-old girl. He also must register as a convicted sex offender.

Puga had an inappropriate sexual relationship with the girl at Marquette Manor Baptist Church and school from November 2001 to May 2002. Authorities charged him in March 2006 after the girl told a counselor. The two also knew each other through another church where Puga served as a youth pastor, according to court documents.


A former youth minister who was convicted of sexual misconduct with a minor was sentenced Wednesday to 10 years in jail and another three years of probation. Tyree Coleman, 29, was arrested in August 2006 after a 15-year-old boy said Coleman forced himself on him.

The boy said the incident happened as he spent the night at the Temple of Refuge Church.


sexyskater.jpgNearly 100 young people attended the Saturday reopening of the expanded Lafayette Community Skate Park on the Faith Baptist Church campus. For Matt Figueroa, 14, the skate park gives him a chance to use his skateboard on new ramps in a safe environment next to the Faith Community Center....

Youth pastor Andy Woodall of Faith Baptist Church was all smiles as he watched the activity in the skate park.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on October 13 at 11:00 AM

New York:

YOWny101208.jpgA St. John's University chaplain was charged Friday with transmitting an obscene Webcam image of himself to someone he thought was a 13-year-old boy, police sources said.

The Rev. Charles Plock, 63, picked the wrong "teen" to e-mail his homemade masturbation movies, authorities said. The recipient was actually Detective Mark Michieli of the Adams County, Colo., sheriff's office, who pretended he was a youth in an online sting operation. Cops traced Plock's e-mail to St. John's, the Catholic university in Queens, where he is a chaplain and youth minister.... "His face is clear in the video. It looks like he filmed it in his bathroom at St. John's, and he sent it to someone he thought was a teenager," the source said....

"Wow, so he's going to hell now?" said St. John's freshman Vito Sapienza, 18. "Wait till my mom hears about this. She's going to think twice about sending me to a Catholic school."


YPWal101208.jpgA youth minister is accused of sexually abusing a 14-year-old boy. 23-year-old Robert Poitier was arrested last night after the pastor had contacted police several months ago. Investigators say Poitier used his position as a youth pastor to gain trust at the church and be left alone with children.

Police say Poitier has worked at other churches in the area and want to know if anyone else has been harmed.


YPWtn101208.jpgValley Grove Baptist Church, South Knoxville has called Mr. Anthony Kendall as its new Youth Minister. Anthony’s first Sunday will be October 12.... Anthony is a native Sevier Countian. He has attended Walters State, UT and has a degree from Johnson Bible College. He is currently pursuing a master’s degree from Liberty University....

Regarding his call to Valley Grove, Anthony said, “It is with great excitement and anticipation that my wife Erin and I have accepted the position as Student Pastor at Valley Grove Baptist Church! We look forward to getting to know the folks at Valley Grove as well as the community. I want to invite students to come join us as we journey with Jesus and share His story of compassion and love with others. Stop by, we would love to meet you."

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Porn and Pastries

posted by on October 12 at 10:18 AM

From today's Seattle Times...

It was a church event billed as "Porn and Pastries," and some 300 women, mostly in their 20s and 30s, paid $10 each to attend.

But there were no naked images at the EastLake Community Church in Bothell on Friday night; the baring came when some of those attending told about their private lives.

They were here, in many cases, because of what happens when a woman finds out her spouse or boyfriend has been secretly spending a lot of time looking at porn on the Internet, often while espousing Christian values.

Yeah, it must suck so hard when you find out that the man you married is, you know, a man. Reporter Erik Lacitis gives HUMP! a shout out at the end of his story:

If anything, ["Porn and Pastries"] illustrated what has been historically Seattle's split personality about such matters.

This weekend was an anti-porn weekend.

On Oct. 24 and 25, The Stranger is sponsoring "Hump!", advertised as "Seattle's biggest, best and ONLY amateur and locally produced porn festival."

Lacitis is too polite to mention that all eight announced screenings of HUMP are sold out—that's 2400+ tickets—and that we've added three additional screenings. And if past festivals are any indication, all the added screenings will sell out quickly. So Seattle may be "split" on porn, but the divide isn't even. Not even close. There are way more people in Seattle who want to sit in a theater and enjoy pornography—particularly the kind we show at HUMP!—than there are people who want sit in a church and listen to preachers talk about the evils of pornography.

Get your HUMP! tickets here.

Thursday, October 9, 2008


posted by on October 9 at 2:24 PM

The world is such that sometimes an accidental sequence of events can result in a glimpse of a world that is not of this world. That other world we immediately recognize as heaven.

Some homes in the Italian town of Marino had wine instead of water coming from their taps because of a plumbing mistake, residents say.

One Marino resident identified only as Anna said she was shocked to discover that what she thought was tap water she was using to mop the floor prior to the Marino Grape Festival was actually white wine, The Daily Telegraph said Tuesday.

"I was going to mop the floor with it but I immediately noticed a sweet smell from the tap and it was also slightly yellow -- I recognized instantly it was wine," Anna said.

Marino Mayor Adriano Palozzi told the newspaper the vino on tap was the result of a plumbing error as the wine was supposed to have been directed to the town's main water fountain for the annual festival.

Monday, October 6, 2008


posted by on October 6 at 11:27 AM

I saw Bill Maher's movie this weekend—and surprise! I loved it. But I would have to, right?

You don't have to love it, of course, but you should see it.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

There Is No Morality Without Religion

posted by on October 4 at 10:25 AM

I'm thinking the last thing two grieving parents need after the tragic death of a child is a mob of angry religious nuts threatening to boycott their businesses—or firebomb them—because the grieving parents didn't dispose of their son's remains in a manner that pleases the religious nuts.

Shafayet Reja's mother is Hindu, his father is Muslim, and his parents brought him up in both faiths. When Shafayet died, his parents had him cremated, the Hindu tradition, and not buried in a shroud, which is the Muslim tradition. An angry crowd confronted the parents at their son's funeral. And bomb threats followed.

To some Muslims, the fact that Shafayet Reja prayed and attended mosques trumps his family’s wishes.

“It was the community’s business because the community knew he was a Muslim,” said Junnun Choudhury, [a leader of] one of several mosques around the city whose worshipers came to the funeral to plead with the family. “It is our job to bury him in the Muslim way.”

Oh, and this happened in New York, not Afghanistan.

Friday, October 3, 2008

O They Will Know We Are Christians...

posted by on October 3 at 12:26 PM the 16 year-olds our pastors rape.


A pastor in Pine Bluff has been arrested for raping a 16-year-old girl.

Approximately three weeks ago the Arkansas State Police Hot Line notified the Pine Bluff Police Department’s Detective Office of the reported rape of a 16-year-old in Pine Bluff. The investigation revealed enough evidence to support the report as being factual.

Edgar Franklin Jr., 43, was identified as the person responsible. Mr. Franklin is the pastor of New Bethany Missionary Baptist Church in Pine Bluff.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on October 2 at 8:54 AM


A 41-year-old Enumclaw man has accused his former youth pastor of sexually abusing him more than 20 years ago, saying the abuse continued even after he told church leaders.

In a complaint filed Tuesday in King County Superior Court, the man said David Bennett started abusing him in about 1979 when he was about 12. The man said he told two pastors of Trinity Lutheran Church in Enumclaw about the abuse at that time, but that they took no action.

In the early 1990s, the man told his parents about the abuse, but they apparently took no action, said his lawyer, James S. Rogers. He said his client suffers from depression and is in therapy.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on October 1 at 10:10 AM


YPW1001.jpgA jury returned a guilty verdict late Tuesday for a former youth minister who had been accused of sexual misconduct with a minor.

A Marion County jury deliberated for four hours before finding Tyree Coleman, 29, guilty.

A 15-year-old boy said Coleman forced himself on him as he spent the night at Temple of Refuge Church in 2006. Coleman claimed that the teen initiated the encounter and that he thought the boy was of legal age.

And this just in...

What are you teaching your children about sex offenders? That they're on the Internet in chat rooms or social sites? The scary truth is, that sex offenders may be closer to your child than you ever imagined!

90% of sexually abused children are abused by someone they know.

"Sometimes they are the little league coach, youth minister, pastor, a family member," says Randy Christian of the Jefferson County Sheriff Department.


Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Rock Me Sexy Jesus

posted by on September 30 at 3:23 PM

A columnist whose work I've never read before, Gwen Daniels, at a student newspaper I've never heard of, The Maneater, at a university I've never visited, the University of Missouri, introduced me to a trend with which I wasn't familiar: Saving your first kiss for your wedding night. Basically it's like saving your virginity for your wedding night only, um, a whole hell of a lot crazier.

Kids? It's a bad enough idea to marry someone prior to determining whether or not you're sexually compatible. But marrying someone before you figure out whether you like how their spit tastes? That's just nuts.

Here's Daniels on the phenomenon:

I first heard of the decision to save kissing for marriage—the virgin lips movement, my best friend and I called it—in Joshua Harris' book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a Christian relationship guide that advocates courtship and prayerful and deliberate dating with the expressed aspiration to marry, over conventional dating.

In my Southern conservative town, where churches are even more common than Walgreens stores, I Kissed Dating Goodbye is practically required reading for teenage girls.... In Christian relationships, "God wants us to seek guidance from scriptural truth, not feeling," Harris writes. "Smart love looks beyond personal desires and the gratification of the moment. It looks at the big picture: serving others and glorifying God."

How can romance glorify God? Harris suggests that Christians should commit their plans, motives, actions and desires—including dating—to God.

There's so much to say. For instance, what is it with Christians moving the goal posts around? It's no longer enough to be a virgin on your wedding night; now, if you want to be right with God, you better not have kissed before your wedding night. It's no longer enough to seek to ban abortion; now they want to redefine birth control as abortion and ban it too. Gay people were a threat to the family when we were all sex-crazed hedonists getting it on the shrubs; now we're a threat to the family because we want to get married ourselves, have babies, and stand on the sidelines in the rain with other exhausted parents at soccer games.

But here's what really caught my attention: Daniels quotes a student whose eagerness to get down on his knees and serve Jesus seems just a little intense...

Jeff Pudelek, a sophomore at the University of Tennessee-Knoxville, decided to save his first kiss for marriage so that he will continually seek his satisfaction in God, he said.

After ending a long-term relationship, "I began to see that a lot of my relationship decisions were centered around finding satisfaction in a person," Pudelek said. "The truth is that true satisfaction, what I was seeking in relationships with girls, can't be found in any person, only in Jesus Christ."

"I want to enjoy the fullness of what God has for me, and I think that includes cultivating intimacy with him above all else," he added.

Okaaaay. So Jeff really loves Jesus. And here's hoping Jesus comes along and fills you with the fullness you're aching for, Jeff. (Do Jeff's quotes remind anyone else of Faith +1?) And now, apropos of nothing in particular and making no insinuations about Jeff's sexuality whatsoever: Christian girls? You might wanna think twice before marrying a boy who doesn't want—at the very least—to make out with you once or twice prior to your honeymoon. Some God-fearing, red-blooded, robustly-heterosexual Christian boys are willing and able to save their virginities for their wedding nights, of course, and more power to 'em. But make out with your boyfriend at least once before agreeing to marry him—and get close enough to verify that the lump in his pants is a hard cock and not an iPhone, okay?

Because you'll be really sad Christian wives if you wind up marrying boys who claimed that they wanted to kiss you but couldn't because they were saving those first kisses for your wedding nights—and until your wedding night they were finding true intimacy with their Lord, savior and imaginary boyfriend, Jesus Christ—but were actually great, big, scared homos who were able to delay their coming out until after marriage because, thanks to Joshua Harris and his stupid fucking book, your husbands didn't have to perform sexually with a woman in even a minimal fashion until after their wedding nights.

Okay, back to Jeff:

Besides, physical activity such as kissing and intercourse does not sustain relationships, Pudelek said. "I still want to be madly in love with my wife even if we can't kiss anymore," he added.

An uncharitable man might suggest that Jeff sounds like he's looking forward to the day when he and his future wife can't kiss anymore. But I am not an uncharitable man. Instead I'd like to reassure Jeff that the kinds of illnesses that prevent people from kissing their spouses—oral cancers and, um, spontaneous combustion of the lips and tongue—are very, very rare indeed. Once you find a girl willing to marry you, Jeff, you can look forward to kissing that woman over and over again and again, day after day after day, one decade after another, for the rest of your natural life.

Oh, and you get to feel her boobs too—you've got that to look forward to as well. Hmm... boobs. But for now, of course, you can focus on the fullness that Jesus wants to stuff inside you. Hmm... fullness...

Every 401K Deserves a Mother and a Father

posted by on September 30 at 10:23 AM

Well, now it all makes sense. What's to blame for our financial crisis? Lax regulation of the banking industry? Batshitcrazy loans? Inept oversight? Of course not. It's the gays! We did it!

No, wait—you did it! Straight people! By failing to be intolerant enough of the gays, America incurred God's righteous and totally awesome wrath. "The financial crisis facing Wall Street is a symptom of America's sinful sexual culture, including the acceptance of gay unions," says a prominentish Christian leader. "I am not saying I know whether this financial crisis is God's judgment or not. It is not for me to know that definitively."

So how do we get our economy back on track? Forget the bailout! Forget re-regulating the banking and financial industries! All we gotta do is ban abortion and "non-profit groups supporting it" (God hates the First Amendment!), ban gay marriage and domestic partnerships and civil unions for same-sex couples, and then God will allow the credit crunch to end.

Via PamsHouseBlend.

Monday, September 29, 2008

"He taught me how to praise my God and still play rock and roll!"

posted by on September 29 at 2:17 PM

First off, the band's name is "Sonseed," which is just so wrong. Second, there's—well, just watch.

My favorite lyric: "Once I tried to run, I tried to run and hide. But Jesus came and found me and he touched me down inside. He is a like a Mounty, he always gets his man. And he'll zap you any way he can!"

Thanks to Slog tipper Annie.

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on September 29 at 9:46 AM


A jury is hearing evidence against an Indianapolis youth minister accused of sexually assaulting a teenage boy in his congregation.

Tyree Coleman faces five counts of deviate conduct, sexual misconduct, sexual battery and child solicitation. He's accused of assaulting the boy during an overnight program at Temple of Refuge Church.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on September 26 at 10:42 AM


ypwrichardson.jpg Police: Pastor sent child pornography from church

After his arrest in connection to a child pornography case, Pastor Steve Richardson appeared in court for the first time Thursday in downtown Dallas.... Now, federal investigators say the 36-year-old pastor used the church's office computer for child pornography.

According to court documents, Richardson, under the user name "cowboysspades," sent dozens of pictures of girls under the age 10, including infants, engaging in sexually explicit conduct.

Richardson was busted after he allegedly sent images to an undercover federal agent, who used another child pornography suspect's identity, authorities said. Graphic online chats between Richardson and the agent are documented in the criminal complaint.

The court documents report when Richardson, under the user name cowboysspades, asked "Vlad," the undercover agent, about a child's age, he stated "even more awesome" when the agent responded four.

"Yeah, such a cute age," the agent responded.

"You ever doing anything with her?" cowboysspades asked.

Remember, kids, there is no morality without religion.

Because What the Country Really Needs Right Now Is Less Financial Regulation

posted by on September 26 at 10:29 AM

Defying a federal tax law they consider unjust, 33 ministers across the country will take to their pulpits this Sunday and publicly endorse a candidate for president.

They plan to then send copies of their sermons to the Internal Revenue Service, hoping to provoke a challenge to a law that bars religious organizations and other nonprofits that accept tax-deductible contributions from involvement in partisan political campaigns. ...

Organizers said they wanted a range of clergy of various faiths and political persuasions to join the protest, but acknowledged that the participants might be “weighted” toward the conservative end of the spectrum and more likely to support the Republican candidate, Senator John McCain, than the Democrat, Senator Barack Obama.

Yes, nothing could be better than freeing right-wing financial entities from government regulation! That's been been great so far! Hell, let's allow businesses to be free from taxes, banks free of accountability, candidates free from reporting requirements, and just replace libraries of law with a thin little book with some red type. What could go wrong?

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bishop Pricks

posted by on September 25 at 11:02 AM

Mormon bishop pricks, to be precise:

A Hastings, Neb., Mormon man has been threatened with excommunication by his bishop for working against an anti-gay amendment in Calif.

And in Utah...

A former LDS bishop accused of molesting three girls—whom he frequently visited at home while their parents were away—pleaded guilty Wednesday to two counts of second-degree felony sexual abuse of a child in 2nd District Court. Timothy O'Sean McCleve, of Harrisville, 53, could go to prison for up to 15 years on each count when he is sentenced Nov. 26 by Judge Ernie Jones....

The girls were 6, 8 and 12 at the time of the abuse, which started in July 2006, Harrisville Police Chief Max Jackson previously told The Salt Lake Tribune. McCleve would stop by the girls' home when their parents were away. The children trusted him because he was their bishop, he said.

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on September 25 at 9:36 AM


The Rev. Aaron Joseph Cote, who once served as a pastor at Mother Seton Parish in Germantown, has been indicted on one count of child abuse in a case that alleges he sexually touched a teenage altar boy, according to court records.... [The former altar boy] accused Cote of sexually abusing him from 2001 to 2002, when he was 14 and 15 years old, at locations in Germantown and Washington, D.C. Cote is only charged with abuse that occurred in Germantown, according to the charging documents.

Cote was assigned as an associate pastor and youth minister at Mother Seton from 1999 to 2002.

After Rains' allegations were made in 2003, the Order of Dominican Fathers and Brothers sent Cote for psychological evaluation, conducted an investigation and cleared him of any wrongdoing, church officials have said. Cote then was assigned a position as youth minister and associate pastor at a Providence, R.I., church.


A Duquesne youth minister pleaded guilty to six counts including involuntary manslaughter in the death... last Nov. 20 of Chelsea McAllister of Duquesne....

Chelsea was part of a mime troupe that had performed earlier on the night of her death at Grace Community Ministries in Pittsburgh's Hill District... Police said Owens allowed two boys in the group to see his 16-gauge sawed-off shotgun. Deputy District Attorney Laura Ditka said Owens left the gun behind as he exited the house.

According to a police affidavit, a 14-year-old boy picked up the gun and it went off as Chelsea was entering the house. She was struck in the face.

UPDATE: "Does this mean our financial crisis is over?" asks Justin in comments. "Yeah, I thought you were suspending YPW. What gives?" says Julie. "Country First, Dan."

Youth Pastor Watch remains suspended, as I wrote yesterday, while I work on solving our financial crisis. But YPW is suspended like the McCain campaign is suspended—you know, the McCain campaign, which is still running attack ads in swing states and sending surrogates to cable TV news programs to attack Barack Obama. The McCain campaign is suspended because McCain says it is, not because it actually is. In the same spirit, YPW is suspended because I say that it is, not because I've actually stopped posting YPW items to Slog.

See how that works?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Re: Required Viewing 2

posted by on September 23 at 6:30 PM

On a second, stoned viewing, this YoutTube video reminded me of the last third of this YouTube video.

You see what happens when music and dance is put in the service of the devil? With totally openly gay fags? It's actually kind of entertaining, huh?

Re: Required Viewing 2

posted by on September 23 at 2:13 PM


Once I tried to run/ I tried to run and hide/ But Jesus came and found me and He touched me down inside/ He is like a Mountie/ He always gets his man/ And He'll zap you any way he can!

Eternal thanks to Matt Hickey.

I'd also like to point out that the name of this band is "Sonseed," which is clearly nothing more than a euphemism for "Jesus Jizz." Really, Christians? And I'm the morally bankrupt pervert? Eew.

Required Viewing 2

posted by on September 23 at 1:35 PM

Worth. Your. Time.

"This is the single most amazingly choreographed video of a Christan synth-pop boogie down bunch on YouTube I've ever seen," says Slog tipper Kid Icarus. "Try not to lose it around the 1:54 mark."

I tried, I failed.

O They Will Know We Are Christians...

posted by on September 23 at 11:17 AM our child porn investigations, raids on our compounds, and our leader's incriminating statement to the Associated Press.

Six minors have been temporarily placed in state custody as part of a child porn investigation after a raid on a ministry run by a man who says “consent is puberty” when it comes to sex, officials said Sunday.

The children will be in the custody of the Arkansas Department of Human Services as investigators interview them, state police spokesman Bill Sadler said in a statement. Sadler didn’t say how long the interviews would last, but did say that courts would decide the children’s status in the event of any “long-term separation” from the property of the Tony Alamo Christian Ministries in rural Fouke....

Alamo claimed in a telephone interview with The Associated Press on Saturday that the investigation was part of a federal push to legalize same-sex marriage while outlawing polygamy. He also said for girls having sex, “consent is puberty.”

Monday, September 22, 2008

Ted Tripp, the Paradox, and How to Wield the Power of Christ Against Your Children

posted by on September 22 at 1:28 PM

Ted Tripp—pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Hazleton, PA, and an outspoken advocate of corporal punishment—spoke before a congregation of new parents and young couples at Mars Hill Church in Ballard on Friday evening and Saturday morning. Tripp came to Mars Hill to deliver an essential lesson in Christian living: How to put the fear of God into your children.

Tripp, who's been in the news lately because of the controversy surrounding his advocacy of corporal punishment, stood next to a drum set and amps on MH's stage, which sometimes doubles as a live music venue called the Paradox. Tripp's image was projected on four giant screens as he condemned modern society for being "obsessed with equality" and refusing to accept the authority of God.

Tripp stuck to dopey jokes about how children try to trick you and told the couples gathered at the Paradox and those watching the live feed at MH's other campuses how to "win the battle for your boys' souls." Apparently female children are beyond saving.

Tripp's argument for spanking was abstract: because God commanded that ancient Hebrews use "the rod," that's the best way to get your children to submit. "I would never have spanked my children if it wasn't something I felt God was calling me to do," he said. His directions, in contrast, were much more specific: "remove [the child's] drawers," because "we don't want the spanking to be lost in the fabric of the pants." Then, "take him on your lap and remind him how much you love him." Smack him, and make sure you use a paddle that "spreads the shock over the wide area."

The young couples nodded and eagerly took notes on how to get their children to "joyfully accept their authority". They were all about the same age as me—college age or a little older. No one in the room looked like they were too old to be one of Tripp's own children.

There was no sign Saturday morning of the protesters who had staked out the church the night before. During the coffee break, I spoke to a young woman about my age, who said that she'd read Tripp's book and was glad to be able to hear him in person. Outside in the lobby, Mars Hill members were snapping up copies of Tripp's book like they were communion wafers dipped in chocolate.

Remember, West Seattle, You Can't Spell "Proselytize" Without L I E

posted by on September 22 at 9:24 AM

Doesn't West Seattle has enough trouble with the baby beaters at Mars Hill? Does it really need the Scientologists too?


Friday, September 19, 2008

The Man Who Shot Santa Claus

posted by on September 19 at 10:33 AM

The cover of this month's American Scholar reads: "Meet the World's Most Evil Man." Which sounds like dumb hyperbole until you actually read the article—it makes a pretty good case.

I can't exactly recommend you read it too, because it's deeply depressing—about an evil German Evangelical named Paul Schaefer who founded a lil' utopia (32,000 acres) in Chile where he could terrorize, torture, and rape its inhabitants into submission.

In exchange for being left alone, Schaefer did lots of Pinochet's dirty work—tortured and executed political dissidents, mostly, who were brought to Schaefer's small kingdom of terror, up in the Chilean mountains.

Here is probably the gentlest, kindest thing Schaefer ever did:

All challengers to Schaefer’s authority—real or imagined—were rooted out and destroyed. No one inspired greater love and admiration among the children of the Colonia than Santa Claus. It is said that in the days shortly before Christmas one year in the mid-1970s, Schaefer gathered the Colonia’s children, loaded them onto a bus, and drove them out to a nearby river, where, he told them, Santa was coming to visit.

The boys and girls stood excitedly along the riverbank, while an older colono in a fake beard and a red and white suit floated towards them on a raft. Schaefer pulled a pistol from his belt and fired, seeming to wound Santa, who tumbled into the water, where he thrashed about before disappearing below the surface. It was a charade, but Schaefer turned to the children assembled before him and said that Santa was dead. From that day forward, Schaefer’s birthday was the only holiday celebrated inside Colonia Dignidad.

Schaefer was finally arrested in 2005. He lives in jail now.

The rest of the horrible story is here.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Suffer the Children

posted by on September 18 at 3:20 PM

Apparently Mars Hill Church is bringing a speaker to their West Seattle franchise who advocates spanking—as often as possible, on bare bottoms, behind closed doors (to avoid prosecution!)—beginning in infancy. Otherwise your kids won't be properly submissive. And submissive is just how the youth pastors like their kids.

An adult survivor of spanking-in-childhood is organizing a protest.

Via West Seattle Blog. And here's the first thing that comes up when you do a Google image search on the word "spanking."


And here, for Charles, is the fourth. And here, for me, is the fourteenth.

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on September 18 at 10:50 AM


YPWbilde.jpeg A rural Delaware County man who once worked as a youth pastor has been apprehended by federal authorities on charges related to child pornography.

Charles S. "Chuck" Miller, 48, Gaston, is charged in U.S. District Court in Indianapolis with two counts of "receiving visual depictions of minors engaging in sexual explicit conduct by means of a computer," and one count of possession of a computer containing such images....

The document contained descriptions of what federal authorities called "lascivious" photos downloaded by Miller in March and April 2007, of nude girls, some of whom appear to be between the ages of 12 and 15, with others under the age of 12. Also cited were Miller's comments on the bulletin board, using his screen name of "Pygman."

"Wish I could see a lot more of that redhead," he allegedly wrote to those who made the photos available. "Wow!. ... So delicious! Thanks so much again!"

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

This Is My Body, Eat...

posted by on September 17 at 7:42 AM


I trust this is some sort of fundraiser for Christ the King in Richland, Washington, and not the name of their youth pastor's new youth group.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on September 15 at 12:27 PM


From the age of 11, the boy known only as John Doe in LaPorte County court records was repeatedly sexually abused by a youth minister he trusted from his church, Mark Comford. Comford, 24, also of LaPorte, pleaded guilty Sept. 5 in LaPorte Superior Court to abusing the now 14-year-old.... Sometimes Comford's abuse took place on the grounds of Faith Baptist Church in LaPorte, a small congregation located across from the LaPorte County Fairgrounds where his grandfather, the Rev. Jack Cox, served as pastor....

John Doe was particularly susceptible to Comford's overtures. The eighth-grader's mother died when he was 4. He doesn't remember her. She was stricken with cancer as a child, spent much of her life in a wheelchair and succumbed to the disease at 23. She never revealed his father's identity and married another man while pregnant with him. His stepfather was out of his life even before his mother died. During and after his mother's illness, his maternal grandmother helped raised him until she died nearly four years ago....

Several weeks before Comford's arrest, armed county detectives arrived and told Jane Roe that her nephew and three other victims—two young boys and a 32-year-old mentally challenged male—had also been sexually abused by Comford.

Youth Pastor Watch

posted by on September 15 at 9:06 AM


A Malden man is facing felony charges for allegedly holding his wife against her will in their home and beating her for a week.

Lonnie D. Campbell, 35, was arrested Sept. 3 by the Malden Police Department after the woman apparently escaped and reported the attack to officers at the police station.

“Mrs. Campbell stated that Lonnie had tied her up with shoe strings and punched her numerous times in the face, mid-torso and her back,” said Malden police chief Jerrod Bullock. “Apparently she has also made statements that he choked her, hit her several times with a belt in the back, and hit her in the back of her head with a hammer.” ...

“He was a youth minister of a church in Malden—I don’t know if he still he is, but he was at one time,” said Darian Egan of Malden, the victim’s brother. “I just hope he gets a long time in prison.”