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Tuesday, October 28, 2008


posted by on October 28 at 9:50 AM

I can't stop watching the music video for Beyoncé's new tune "Single Ladies":

I've watched it about 50 times and could watch it 50 more times. Some of the hidden power of Beyonce's video is revealed when compared to Grace Jone's recently released video for the tune "Corporate Cannibal," a video and song that best expresses the kind of evil at the root of the current collapse of global capitalism.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Splitsville: Madonna & Guy Ritchie

posted by on October 15 at 3:17 PM

"Hey Lindy, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting divorced."


"Madonna and Guy Ritchie are getting divorced."


"Madonna is a famous entertainer, and Guy Ritchie is a film director. They're getting divorced."

I think we all saw this coming:

Via everywhere.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

This Is Why Sex Education Is Important, People!

posted by on October 8 at 2:28 PM

Because 17-year-old Jamie Lynn Spears is (supposedly) pregnant AGAIN. Eight weeks pregnant, actually. She just gave birth to her first child in June.

Apparently Jamie didn't know it was possible to get pregnant while still breast-feeding.

(Update: TMZ is saying it's not true.)

I Love Fake President Hilton

posted by on October 8 at 12:23 PM

More heartening wisdom from fake President-Elect Paris Hilton, with help from former fake president Martin Sheen.

More please, Funny or Die.

Friday, October 3, 2008

"I Liked When You Were Riding on the Bike, and Thanks for Not Dying"

posted by on October 3 at 9:03 AM


Need a momentary break from election obsession? (Insert folksy Palin wink here.) Relax with some soothing Letters to E.T., courtesy of's Studies in Crap.

Sample excerpt:


More here.

Thursday, October 2, 2008


posted by on October 2 at 1:00 PM

Solid-gold Kate Moss statue unveiled at British Museum.


And another one by the same sculptor, Marc Quinn.


Quinn sculpts people with physical disabilities. The Moss series is an extension of this work.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Sharon Stone's Questionable Parenting Skills

posted by on October 1 at 2:30 PM


As you may have read, last week Sharon Stone lost custody of the now-8-year-old son she adopted with her now ex-husband Phil "lizard bait" Bronstein.

Today TMZ plunders the court's "Tentative Statement of Decision" for clues as to what Stone did to lose primary-parent rights:

Sharon Stone is an alarmist parent who has gone off the deep end over and over, according to the judge who rejected her request to move her son down to L.A. Among many things, the judge says, "Mother appears to overreact to many medical issues involving [son] Roan." In one case, the judge describes Stone believing Roan had a spinal condition, but "there was no evidence to support this allegation....Another example of an overreaction is that Mother suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As Father appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odor problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child."

Oh come on—shots are way easier than washing. And the kid has to learn how to get Botox sometime, right? (Full grubby story here.)

Monday, September 29, 2008

It Was Only a Matter of Time

posted by on September 29 at 12:05 PM

Hey, remember that paparazzo that Britney Spears dated, back when she was having that very public head-shaving meltdown? Well, get ready for the Britney Spears sex tape.

An unconfirmed source claims the two-hour X-rated footage features Britney naked wearing just a pink wig and was allegedly shot in Mexico.

Adnan added: “I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney."

This turns my stomach in a preying-on-the-mentally-ill-for-tremendous-financial-benefit kind of way.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Paul Newman...

posted by on September 27 at 7:51 AM

paulnewman.jpg dead.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Claymates Process the Truth

posted by on September 24 at 3:01 PM


So Clay Aiken has finally come out as a homosexual—an unsurprising admission to everyone in the world, right?

Unfortunately, the only people surprised by the news of Clay's gayness are his biggest fans—Claymates, they call themselves, and they've spent the past seven years believing, trusting, and parroting Aiken's claims that no way is he gay.

Now the Claymates' mighty lord and savior has confessed the truth, and my beloved Radar has done the webby legwork—on Clay Aiken fan-sites' message boards, primarily—to find out how the Claymates are dealing. It's not pretty.

"This is a gut wrenching day for The ClayNation. Somebody wake me up, I hope it's a dream." strollynn63 at The Clayboard

"I've cried a river of tears and truthfully do not know where I stand right now. I am envious of those who can take this news and continue to state their unconditional love and support for Clay." Clayncfan at The Clayboard

If Brokeback Mountain taught us anything (besides "Ang Lee is a genius" and "Heath Ledger was a rare talent"), it's that the only thing sadder than closet cases are the women duped into loving them. Happy healing, Claymates, and thanks, Radar.

Friday, September 19, 2008

"The 10 Best Celebrity Pratfalls"

posted by on September 19 at 12:44 PM

...courtesy of Best Week Ever.

Each entry includes a celebrity falling down, so all are recommended. But here's my favorite, featuring all three members of Destiny's Child going boom.

Thank you, Slog tipper Bradley Steinbacher. (And confidential to pratfall list-makers: Where's the clip of Courtney falling off that chair onto her face at the VMAs?)

Celebrity I Saw Him (And Walked With Him, And Learned About Tanning From Him)

posted by on September 19 at 12:00 PM

So I was walking down Pine Street this morning, on my way to catch the train to Portland, and off in the distance I see an orange face peeking out of a white hoodie, crossing the street between Chapel and Bauhaus.

I know sightings of Blayne from Project Runway are a dime a dozen in Seattle these days, but I this was my first. I walked faster.

I caught up with him at Pike and Boren and said, "Sorry you got kicked off."

He smiled, thanked me, and we started chit-chatting. I asked him who wins. He wouldn't say. I asked him if Kenley is as awful in real life as she seems on the show. He said she's actually very sweet and nice, and blamed the editing for the hatred everyone I know currently feels toward her. I asked what he's up to next. Working on a men's collection, maybe moving to L.A., but still working at that cafe in West Seattle in the meantime.

He was wearing fire-red sneakers, designer jeans, and a deep-diving gray v-neck under his white hoodie—which, of course, he was wearing with the hood up.

I asked Blayne where he tans in Seattle. He told me but I immediately forgot. Sorry, admiring tanorexics. He was seriously tan, though, and quite proud of it. He unzipped his hoodie, pulled at his v-neck, and showed me how dark his chest was. It was, I would say, burnt orange.

We were approaching 5th Anenue at this point, and I had to turn left. He was in the middle of telling me about the grief he gets from people who think he's promoting cancerous behavior, and how he uses a tanning "cocktail"—something about lying under non-cancerous bulbs plus a full body spray afterward, a combination that is, if I heard right, both deeply satisfying and less carcinogenic. But I don't know if I heard right. It was all very quick.

Someone shouted across the street, a garbled kind of shout that might have been his name, and we both turned our heads. It was not someone shouting his name. It was just some people fighting with each other.

Not a licious word passed between us, Blayne haters. It was all very pleasant. We shook hands, and then we walked in different directions.

He was headed to pick up his car. I wondered—based on the sleep in his eyes, the coffee in his right hand, and the fact that he was early-morning walking to get to some far-away place where he'd left his car last night—whether I had just had the distinct honor of sharing with this Project Runway also-ran a few moments of a walk of shame.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Family That Tweaks Together

posted by on September 18 at 10:58 AM


Shocking!: Yesterday two members of the O'Neal family were busted for drugs.

Shockinger!: Neither of them was Tatum.

Hollywood stars doing meth instead of coke? The economy truly is fucked.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Overheard in the Office

posted by on September 12 at 5:56 PM

Paul Constant:

"I'm a biiig Clooney whore. I can't help it."


Aren't we all.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Undead Stoners On Tour!

posted by on September 3 at 1:57 PM

I am most confused. I admit it. I simply don't understand what the hell I was thinking!

Hypothetical situation: If some mad person were holding a shotgun to my head and said something like, "True or false: Cheech and/or Chong are totally dead, dead, dead, and you completely remember reading the obit all about it, right, Adrian? RIGHT?!" I would have instantly answered, "TRUE!" and had my lovely brains blown all over the wallpaper. I simply have no clue where I got that idea, becasue....

Cheech and Chong are back and ready to hit the road for their “Light Up America and Canada” tour!

Well. That's certainly a relief. I guess.

Full tour dates and information can be found here.

The XXX Files!

posted by on September 3 at 1:01 PM

Oh, the “famous”! Aren’t they all such total bunch of big raging perverts? Of course they are. They can’t help it. It’s all in the DNA. (The celebrity allele and the pervert allele travel hand-in-hand. Look it up.) But oh so very few of “the famous” have the courage to stand up (off their God damn knees) and do what David Duchovny just did: buck nature and check his famous and perverted ass into rehab to handle the sticky issue. (Or, um, not handle it.) And David's particular perversion? Well, he's addicted to, uh, online porn. Well. Yes. Online porn!

Online porn?


Actor David Duchovny allegedly entered rehab for an Internet porn habit, according to reports.

Indeed. At first the rumors flying around claimed that David checked into a sex addiction rehab or whatever to save his marriage to Tea Leoni after she caught him porking the tennis instructor. (People still pork tennis instructors? People still have tennis instructors?) But no. Porn. Online porn. Which seems like such a waste of effort, as far as addictions go. Especially sex addictions. I’m sure you agree.

But most importantly: They have actual rehabs for perverts? Who knew? And where the hell can I find one near me?

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Terrible News About Slats' Hat

posted by on August 28 at 3:12 PM


Concerned parties should proceed directly to Line Out.

Michael Jackson Is Turning 50

posted by on August 28 at 10:45 AM


To celebrate or at least commemorate the occasion, London's Daily Mail hired experts to cook up the fantasy image of a non-surgified Jackson above. They also hired preeminent Jackson chronicler J. Randy Taraborrelli to write a thoroughly depressing poratrait of Michael Jackson on the cusp of 50—drugged, stumbling, deeply in debt, and not even sure of the basic facts of his life.

[F]or a man who is so obsessed with youth, so intent on remaining a child, many fear his birthday will be a day of reckoning for Michael Jackson. He has no plans to celebrate, other than in some small, private way with his children....He has even begun to regret having plastic surgery and spends much of his time staring at his reflection in the mirror.

'I don't know what I was thinking back then,' he recently said. 'Everyone makes mistakes when they're young, I guess. But I still look OK, don't I? I mean, for 40?'

When reminded that, in fact, he was about to turn 50, Jackson gave a sad, half smile.

'It all went by so fast, didn't it? I wish I could do it all over again, I really do.'

Sweet Jesus. Read the whole sad thing here, if you feel like it.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Paris Hilton: Her Exhaustive Weekend in Review, Brought to You by SPAM!

posted by on August 25 at 7:04 PM

Last week, it was all about Britney Spears. The email spam I got, I mean. (Remember? REMEMBER?! ) But now that zippy genius that invents junk email in the mysterious land where spam is born has abandoned Britney altogether for some reason, and turned his/her hi-larious attentions to, yes, Paris Hilton. The Paris Hilton spam I’m getting is relentless.

And fabulous!

I just checked my spam box, and it is clogged as a coot’s cooter with these Paris-oriented emails, each promising to detail the alleged adventures of our dear Miss Hilton—even though they are nothing but base and common e-trash, and really just hawk V1@gra or something. (I’m not opening one to find out.)

Over the last three days, I have received easily over a hundred of these. I have, below, puzzled the best of them together into something (very) slightly resembling a time line. The alleged and spamy highlights, composed entirely of junk email, I give you below. (And yes, the information is more accurate and entertaining than anything on TMZ. But what the fuck isn’t, right?)

It begins…

(After the jump...)

Continue reading "Paris Hilton: Her Exhaustive Weekend in Review, Brought to You by SPAM!" »

Friday, August 22, 2008

Another Reason to Watch 'Frozen River' This Weekend

posted by on August 22 at 2:29 PM

Besides the movie's goodness: You may remember Misty Upham from stages in Seattle, where she grew up.


(Thanks, Jim!)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Spooky Wisdom of Spam!

posted by on August 19 at 1:49 PM

crybabybrit.jpgJust now! Seconds ago! I got four spams, right in a row. Spam emails, please to note, not Spam "pig in a can". (Rats! Love me some pig in a can!) In their “subject” lines, these spam emails read:

Britney Spears Plans to Auction off Her Children on Ebay!


Britney Sues Vagina for Divorce!


Britney Spears Ditches Singing Career, Enters Car Racing!


Britney Spears Recording New Album, Forgets How to Sing!

Creepy! I know!

Clearly, there is some message here.

Is the universe trying to warn us? Does Britney need my help? Is she (and her vagina, and her kids, and her race car maybe) trapped in a burning barn, down by old Mystery Creek?

Please! Adepts in the mystic art of spamomancy (the ancient science of divining cosmic messages via junk email--or pig in a can, whatever)...what does it all mean?

Wait. No. Don’t tell me. I don't give a shit.

Britney Spears. Only the spam still cares.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Like a Really Old Virgin...

posted by on August 16 at 9:22 AM

Today, ladies and gentlemen, Madonna turns officially old. Today she is fifty. FIFTY! Practically petrified! Ancient! Mummy dust!

I know!

Madonna. Is. Fucking. FIFTY!!! My brain can hardly wrap around it.

But lest we forget, my friends, a younger moment, a fresher day...

Damn you, oh cruel and inexorable March of Time! God damn you, damn you, damn you!

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Rickster

posted by on August 15 at 11:40 AM

PBS's affable man of travel, Rick Steves, will be speaking at Hempfest this weekend (Saturday and Sunday in Myrtle Edwards Park). His standard rap about reforming pot laws is pretty mind-blowing coming from such a strait-laced celebrity. I called Steves in Brussels last week to ask how his crusade is going, whether he's pissed KOMO wouldn't run his television show, and what's up with the pot movement’s image problem. The full web-exclusive interview is over here.

On Hempfest and his pot-smokin’ church pals:

You can go to church with 300 people and think you are the only person who smokes pot because nobody will talk about it in that venue. I have friends at my church who smoke pot and it is so fun to have that sort of silent support group.

One great thing about Hempfest is getting 80,000 people together who believe that smoking a soft drug is a civil liberty. It encourages you to realize you are far from alone.

On Holland:

I've been in Holland for the past week, and just marveling at looking out over the square at breakfast. People were biking to work and biking their kids to daycare, and there's a policeman standing there monitoring, keeping the peace. Everybody cares about neighborhoods and their security. And two blocks over, there are prostitutes trying to lure guys into their little rooms, and over at that coffee shop they have 10 different kinds joints out, all rolled up and laid out like little Pez dispensers. Everybody works together and lives together and... it can be a little more tolerant. People can have a few more individual liberties and still live in densely populated situations, they don't have anywhere near the same amount of incarceration and violence we have in the United States.

On his business:

Well, if someone hears me talk about drug policy and then says he is not going to go to Europe with me, deep down in my heart I celebrate. Because I think Europe will be better off without him.

Curiously, people are most offended not by me taking a political stance, but by the fact that I would take a stance that could hurt my business. They find that really offensive to American profit-maximizing sensibilities.

On hippies:

You think of all my pot-smoking friends who don't go to Hempfest because it's not their culture. … I walked with my wife the length of Hempfest and it really scared her. It was a freak show to her. It shouldn't be traumatizing for a person who is inclined to agree with the decriminalization movement to walk through Hempfest.

So remember, folks, if you have a tie dye, be sure to set it on fire before going to Hempfest. I’ll be speaking there, and I may even wear this shirt again.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

This Isn't as Personally Upsetting as Grant Cogswell and His Straight Friend in a Dress Getting Bashed in Belltown...

posted by on August 9 at 1:57 PM


...but comedian/comic actor Bernie Mac has died.

His publicist is attributing the death to "natural causes," but Mac was recently hospitalized with pneumonia, three years after he announced that the inflammatory disease sarcoidosis had taken root in his lungs.

RIP, Bernie Mac.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Madonna's New Head Gets Its Own Think Piece

posted by on August 6 at 10:42 AM


The meat of the essay from New York magazine:

Through some unholy marriage of extreme fitness and calorie restriction (and maybe a little lipo), women have figured out how to tame their aging bodies for longer than ever. You see them everywhere in New York City: forty- and fiftysomethings who look better than a 25-year-old in a fitted little dress or a tight pair of jeans. But this level of fitness has created a new problem to which the New New Face is the solution—gauntness. Past a certain age, to paraphrase Catherine Deneuve, it’s either your fanny or your face. In other words, if your body is fierce (from yoga, Pilates, and the treadmill), your face will have no fat on it either and it will be … unfierce. It was only a matter of time before a certain segment of the female population would figure out how to have it both ways, even if it means working out two hours a day and then paying someone to volumize their faces, as they say in the dermatology business. As a friend of mine recently pointed out, there is now a whole new class of women walking around with wiry little bodies and “big ol’ baby faces.” And they look, well, if not exactly young, then attractive in a different way. A yoga body plus the New New Face may not be a fountain of youth, but it’s a fountain of indeterminate age.

Read the whole thing here.

In other women-getting-weird-plastic surgery news: Lately I've been watching Melrose Place on DVD (it's a stipulation of my parole, plus I missed it when it originally aired, and thus found myself severely lacking in sexy-blackmail skills) and was shocked when then-20-something Courtney Thorne-Smith smiled and showed cute little crinkly wrinkles around her eyes. This was back in the early '90s, when such monstrosities were allowed on network television. Fifty bucks says Ms. Thorne-Smith has fewer wrinkles now as a 40-something TV actress than she did back then. RIP, crinkly eye wrinkles.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Cyndi Lauper Tells It Like It Is

posted by on August 5 at 3:03 PM


Thank you, Towleroad, for directing me to this interview of Cyndi Lauper in the London Times.

On her disgust with Dubya and love for gays:

This community for me is my beloved community. I have been running with this community all my life, and when I hear people like George Bush talk about the gay community being anti-American it makes my blood boil. The guy who saved the White House, one of the heroes who crashed that plane on 9/11, was gay – the rugby player Mark Bingham, who died on United 93. And does Bush ever mention that? That gay guy saved his lousy ass. And this guy who says he prays to God, this guy who promotes hate and fear, this guy we call our President...This guy is the true anti-American.

And on her insurmountable heterosexuality:

My sister was gay, my best friends were gay, so I figured I had to be gay. So I did everything they did. I tried kissing girls. But it didn’t feel right for me and eventually I was forced to come out as a heterosexual.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Driving Miss—Oh, I Can't. I Just Can't.

posted by on August 4 at 11:17 AM

Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman was in serious condition at a Memphis hospital after being involved in a car accident Sunday night, according to hospital officials.
CNN affilliate WMC of Memphis reported that he was in a car accident in Tallahatchie County, Mississippi, about 100 miles south of Memphis, late Sunday.

According to The Associated Press, Freeman was "lucid" when the rescue team found his car.

"They had to use the jaws of life to extract him from the vehicle," Clay McFerrin, editor of Sun Sentinel in Charleston, Mississippi, said. "He was lucid, conscious. He was talking, joking with some of the rescue workers at one point."


Morgan Freeman, ladies and gentlemen: tough, classy, and 71 years old.

Friday, July 25, 2008

You Crow I'm No Good

posted by on July 25 at 12:07 PM


Ananova has the story of the (handsome) British farmer and his (hilarious) Amy Winehouse scarecrow.

"She's the best scarecrow we've ever had," says 36-year-old Marlon Brooks. "In fact she's doing a better job scaring the birds than she is singing at the moment. I'd be happy to offer her a full time job if she needs one when the singing is over."

Full story here.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

It's Not Exactly "Breaking News" When an Elderly Person Dies...

posted by on July 22 at 11:20 AM


...but it's still sad. RIP, Estelle Getty.

The Weirdest Celebrity Arrest in Recent History...

posted by on July 22 at 8:30 AM


...occured last night in London, where Christian Bale—star of this weekend's history-making blockbuster The Dark Knight—was arrested for allegedly assaulting his 61-year-old mother and 40-year-old sister.

Splashy British tabloid coverage comes from The Sun.

Respectable mainstream media coverage comes from Agence France-Presse.

Image of Christian Bale as a child star comes from Empire of the Sun.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ageless Hotness

posted by on July 16 at 1:07 PM


Helen Mirren is 63, and looks 500 times better in a bikini than Paris Hilton, not to mention the rest of humanity.

Thank you, Daily Mail, and you're welcome, Charles.

Drunk of the Week: Andy Dick

posted by on July 16 at 10:45 AM


MURRIETA, Calif. (AP) - Comedian Andy Dick has been arrested in Riverside County for investigation of drug use and sexual battery. The Sheriff's Department says Dick, 42, was arrested shortly before 2 a.m., Wednesday July 16th, in the parking lot near the Buffalo Wild Wings Grill & Bar in Murrieta. Details were not released. The former co-star of the TV sitcom "NewsRadio" is being held on $5,000 bail.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

"Dina Martina Rides a Bike!"

posted by on July 1 at 2:45 PM

So raves Slog tipper Nicholas, who writes:

A friend captured Dina Martina riding a bike in P-Town! How funny would it be to see her on a bicycle?!

Find out the answer here. (And God bless you, Nicholas.)

"The Most Stupidest Thing" Stephen Baldwin's Ever Heard Of

posted by on July 1 at 9:43 AM

The Huffington Post has a story up right now titled "Stephen Baldwin on Fox News: If Obama Wins, I'll Leave the Country." Huffpo neglected to mention the fact that Baldwin's fingers were crossed as he made his oath.

Stephen Baldwin is famously born-again Christian, and he's also a conservative. This video is appalling in several ways, but it's also tremendously, unintentionally entertaining. I knew it before, but I never had proof: Stephen Baldwin is an idiot. My favorite part is about a half-minute before the end, where he affirmed that people saying that McCain would be another four years of Bush is "the most stupidest thing I ever heard of." This is probably the most entertaining thing that Baldwin will appear in all year:

Monday, June 30, 2008

Work, Supermodel

posted by on June 30 at 2:06 PM

While perusing the photographs from the recent Paris men's fashion shows, I was pleased to see one of our own Capitol Hillbillies attractively hauling thousands of dollars of menswear down the runway. That would be Lars. Here he is for Junya Watanabe last week.
The outfit looks a little too Li'l Abner for me, but I'd wear the pants and the hat.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Heath Ledger's Oscar

posted by on June 27 at 10:56 AM

He didn't win one for Brokeback Mountain—and poor Jake wasn't even nominated (anti-bottom bias!)—but after watching the preview for The Dark Knight, I leaned over to my boyfriend and whispered, "Heath Ledger will be nominated for an Oscar for his Joker, and this time he'll win." I repeated my prediction that night in front of a half-a-dozen witnesses at dinner. But, damn, I didn't toss it up on Slog right away—so I'm not for the first to get online with this. But I called it first—I have witnesses!

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

In My Own Back Yard

posted by on June 24 at 12:29 PM


The Huffington Post reports that "talkmeister" Larry King's "stunning TV-personality wife," Shawn Southwick King, has allegedly gone into rehab for addiction to painkillers that have been prescribed for her migraines. King recently released a country album titled "In My Own Back Yard."

Those who read my feature this week know that I wrote about seeing Larry King's family in their natural habitat in, well, their own back yard:

King, as dry and shriveled as a gremlin, walks across the lawn and stands by the pool, next to his sixth wife and his two young sons, Chance and Cannon. He starts off, as all public speakers have been taught, with a joke. He mentions the age difference between him and his wife: King, who is 74, says that people ask him if the fact that his wife is only 48 worries him. Not at all, King says: "If she dies, she dies." The crowd ripples with the kind of laughter that you get when you make a joke about your wife dying. One of the little boys gets a frightened look on his face. King puts a comforting hand on his son's head and says, "I was just kidding. It was just a joke."

It's really weird, on a personal level, to read on a news site that a woman you've recently seen in a dysfunctional family interaction has gone into rehab.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Seven Words You Can't Say on Television

posted by on June 23 at 11:56 AM

My parents had George Carlin's "Class Clown" album on eight-track tape, and the kids were forbidden to listen to it—which, of course, made it irresistible.

Don't watch, just listen.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Hide Yer Tallboys! Guard Yer Kools! It's Another Spears!

posted by on June 19 at 12:56 PM

It is my sad duty to inform you that the dread Spears Gene—a faulty allele associated with unabashed white-trashness, exhibitionistic sluttery, and vile, gum-smacking republican tendencies—has scored yet another Darwinian triumph:

People and Us Weekly are reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears has given birth to a baby girl.

This tragic news has, of course, been accompanied by massive flooding in the Midwest and a tornado or two, and if Revelations can be trusted (and I'm really beginning to wonder), the wise would do well to prepare for, like, spontaneous rains of toads or some kind of weird shit like that. Wear a hat maybe. Couldn't hurt.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Cyd Charisse

posted by on June 17 at 3:25 PM