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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Why Racists Should Vote Obama

posted by on October 29 at 7:23 AM

The always provocative-in-a-good-way Neil Steinberg at the Chicago Sun-Times argues in his column today that white supremacists should vote for Obama. It’s surely a devious Jewish plot, and it’s bloody hilarious.

He opens

Attention racists! I know this newspaper reaches you where you live, from the dairy farms of Wisconsin, hotbed of the Posse Comitatus, to the basements of Cicero, where the kleinen fuhrers patiently pass the time until the coming of the Fourth Reich, sieg heiling each other and field stripping their weapons, to the White Aryan Brotherhood pumping iron in the exercise yards of our fine penal system Downstate.
What you want is Obama to become president. That would make all your dire predictions seem prescient (that means “knowing the future”). The fear that makes a person embrace Nazi ideology in the first place will be ramped up exponentially (that means “fast”).

Once Obama is President, Steinberg points out, some of his decisions will anger people. Some people will then resent a black man in the White’s House.

Think of what that would do for recruitment. It wouldn’t just be you and your buddy Hrolf taking videos of each other brandishing your dad’s hunting rifle in menacing poses. You could have real meetings, attract actual followers. The plan for world domination that you so laboriously wrote out in 11th grade detention would come to fruition at last!
Go read the whole thing.

And in other news, unless I throw myself in the Chicago River due to a McCain victory, I plan to Slog the Election Night Situation from Chicago—from the $2 million downtown Obama rally to any particularly fascinating riots that might come to pass. A bicycle and a laptop and bars with Wifi, your Chicago Bureau will have all the coverage.

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Can you drive over to Highland, IN, and get me a Miner-Dunn burger with some of that Obama money?

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | October 29, 2008 8:03 AM

Drive? If I had a car, Indiana is a place I go to only to get through to Michigan.

Posted by Chicago Fan | October 29, 2008 8:10 AM

Now, now...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | October 29, 2008 8:17 AM

Anyone who asks you to go to Indiana is NOT you friend!

Posted by UnCommonSense | October 29, 2008 8:17 AM

Perhaps Steinberg listens to NPR.

Posted by DOUG. | October 29, 2008 8:18 AM

HEY!!! Enough Hoosier bashing! We're awfully friendly, bake great pies and can squeeze your sorghum.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | October 29, 2008 8:18 AM

The invite to obtain tickets to the rally was sent out the other day... I'm still undecided about what to do, since there's also an election night party I want to attend. If there is not going to be TV coverage of the returns at the event (or if it's raining/snowing), that will make me less likely to want to go. But... History! Craziness! Potential riots!

Posted by Julie in Chicago | October 29, 2008 8:19 AM


Email me: If you're inside the security zone, and have a cell phone, I'd like to use you as a source. I won't be getting a ticket.


Posted by Chicago Fan | October 29, 2008 8:28 AM

Maybe Illinois can build an Indiana bypass bridge to Michigan? Perhaps a tunnel?

Posted by AJ | October 29, 2008 8:41 AM

I used to live in Chicago, and there were lots of Indiana jokes--also jokes about anyone who lives south of I-80 (Springfield really does seem to be in another state). But my favorite Indiana joke was "every time you cross the border into Indiana from ANY OTHER STATE, your I.Q. goes down two points--and it NEVER GOES BACK UP".

Peace, Hoosiers--I am from Ohio, live in Columbus now, and my father is from West Virginia--so I'm used to abuse...

Posted by Nora | October 29, 2008 8:44 AM

Hey C. Fan,
Thanks for being there to blog it! Awesome. Wish I could be there. Things are going to be exciting there that night...
(hope hope hope)

Posted by onion | October 29, 2008 8:48 AM

The Indiana state slogan is something like "The Crossroads of America". They actually encourage you to keep on goin'. (Not that I ever needed any)

Posted by Chris | October 29, 2008 8:53 AM

according to NPR last night a number of WSG are actually making these arguments themselves, seriously

Posted by sara | October 29, 2008 9:12 AM

The "Democrats will riot!" scare-story is a Republican talking point.

Posted by flamingbanjo | October 29, 2008 9:15 AM

I hate Illinois Nazis.

Posted by Mr. "Elwood" X | October 29, 2008 9:24 AM

Chicago Fan,

What are election night plans? The only one I heard of is in Wrigleyville area, the one WCPT is promoting. Are there any other election night parties?

Posted by P to the J | October 29, 2008 9:56 AM

@15 - nice!

Posted by Levislade | October 29, 2008 9:57 AM

I can smell Gary,Indiana from my house.

Posted by scott in Chi-town | October 29, 2008 10:00 AM


You got me. I hate election parties, or have since 2000 anyway. I plan to roam the streets, see what's up.

Posted by Chicago Fan | October 29, 2008 10:42 AM

@16. There are a bunch of events listed here.

Posted by Julie in Chicago | October 29, 2008 11:23 AM

Stop reminding me. There's two things I dislike about Obama. 1. His FISA vote. 2. He's from Chicago.

Posted by K | October 29, 2008 1:30 PM

My dad actually is a (selective) racist and is voting for Obama.

Posted by Blookby | October 29, 2008 3:29 PM

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