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Thursday, October 9, 2008

Welcome To the World, Baby Girl, Baby Girl

posted by on October 9 at 13:00 PM

Bookshelves of Doom points to a blog by someone who works in a hospital who sees all the terrible baby names that come through:

Now, normally I barely register what the names actually are because after seeing one million different spellings of Jessica (Jessycaugh was by far the WORST) and other designer names for kids you start to lose faith in humanity.

But this person started this blog specifically to tell people about this one:

Renesmee Bella was this little girl’s new first name. Now, I also get to see the first letter of the middle name and if I so choose I can go find what the middle name actually is. This particular name had the first letter S. Which I automatically decided stood for “sucks”…because really…it was all I could do to help keep my sanity. But no, this poor child’s name was Renesmee Bella STEPHENIE….and that’s when I think I blacked out for a little bit. Kid’s mom? Like 15. And from what I found out from the doctor she hooked up with some guy based on his name (Edward) and orginally was going to give the kid up for adoption. Like, had these people paying all her bills because they were going to get the baby. Then, in August she suddenly decides having a baby WOULD be cool after all (a cookie for anyone who can figure out the twitard significance of that).

Stephenie Meyers’ Twilight series convinced this fan to fuck a boy because of his first name, keep the child because that’s what the main character does in the last book, and then name the child after the main character’s child. That’s a fucking Twi-hard. Who says kids don’t read?

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Did they tell them they linked to them? Did you tell them you linked to them? We need to tell them they have been linked to.

Posted by Mr. Poe | October 9, 2008 1:08 PM

Barf. This honestly makes me feel ill.

Posted by Aislinn | October 9, 2008 1:13 PM

i had a student tell me once that his name was spelled "jeromy" because his then-teenaged mother just didn't know how to spell. some of these names have to be linked to the literacy, or illiteracy, of the parent(s).
hands down, the worst one i've ever seen is keiaetteaye. i only ever saw it on an attendance roster, but i like to imagine its pronounced "jocelyn."

Posted by buffalo | October 9, 2008 1:20 PM

#2, who named you and what were they thinking?

Posted by seriously?? | October 9, 2008 1:20 PM

I'm with Aislinn. My stomach literally twisted up a bit when I read the name. The name itself is bad enough, but to have decided to keep the baby because of some dumbshit book. Man. that is idiocy of the highest level.

I wonder if the mom thinks her baby will have superpowers.

Posted by Julie in Chicago | October 9, 2008 1:21 PM

What happened to "the characters are completely abstinent"?

Posted by Fnarf | October 9, 2008 1:22 PM

This isn't sad. This is funny.

Posted by Ha! | October 9, 2008 1:26 PM

This is exactly how I dreamed it would be. Except this time I can't wake up in a cold sweat.

Posted by Gloria | October 9, 2008 1:27 PM

@6: The author is Mormon. The characters got married, Bella became a vampire, and then they fucked like desperate teenaged rabbits without birth control.

Posted by Greg | October 9, 2008 1:28 PM

I smell a dismissal coming on. There's a whole lot of gossipy action going on here and revelation of private details. Regardless of inanity of names there's something to be said for discretion.

Posted by Nay | October 9, 2008 1:30 PM

i've seen this on half a dozen webpages already... which means that hospital employee is totally getting AXED.

Posted by sara | October 9, 2008 1:30 PM

@4: Jesus Christ, twice in one week? Had you read the Palin/hospital thread on Monday, you would know that my name is Gaelic/Irish. It's a real name, found in baby name books, and I've met many other Aislinns. My mom was 24, married to my dad, and we lived in a beautiful house in coastal Maine. No trailers. Assholes.

Posted by Aislinn | October 9, 2008 1:30 PM

Dude, spoiler warnings? :( I'm normally for real books, but the first one was great distraction for a panicy flier like myself and i was looking forward to using the othes for the same purpose. Now I already know what happens. Gah!

Posted by josiethefiend | October 9, 2008 1:49 PM

I work in a hospital too, and 10 and 11 are right. If this blog isn't just BS, then's it's breach of confidentiality and certainly grounds for firing.

Posted by rhymeswithlibrarian | October 9, 2008 2:04 PM

I am not shitting you when I tell you that I logged on to OptionsXpress' live chat help feature and the name of the help person was a woman named Amanda Raper.


Posted by Hey wait | October 9, 2008 2:08 PM

@3: The first thing that came to mind when I saw the name "keiaetteaye" is that it looks like it is pronounced the same way as "Callate", which is Spanish for "Shut up". Our 8th grade Spanish teacher got a lot of mileage out of that word, let me tell you.

Posted by thanks happy | October 9, 2008 2:17 PM

If you care that much about what other people name their kids, I'd suspect your own business is not getting the attention it deserves.

Posted by elenchos | October 9, 2008 2:20 PM

elenchos, it's not just that she named the kid something stupid (which, whatever, lots of people do that) that makes this story crazy. It's the inference that she ended up keeping the child instead of giving her up for adoption because her favorite character in this book series had a kid and was a good mommy.

I sort of suspect that the whole thing is made up because it's so unbelievable.

Posted by Julie in Chicago | October 9, 2008 2:35 PM

Have Trig, Track and Bristol shown up on this blog yet?

Posted by leah | October 9, 2008 2:59 PM

I work in conjunction with a labor and delivery unit and have recently seen twins named Romance and Royalty (Roy and Romie for short). A girl named Breagh (Bree). But the best was a little boy named Doctor.

The oddest thing is the name zeitgeist, though. Sudden name fashions occur and the parents think they are being fresh but everyone else is using the same names. Remember place names? Brittany, Dallas, Issaquah? Gods, goddesses and myth are currently big: Psyche, Osiris, Phaedra, Xerxes, etc.

Posted by inkweary | October 9, 2008 3:01 PM

Julie, you definitely ought to mind the beam in your own eye before getting busy trying to run somebody else's life.

Posted by elenchos | October 9, 2008 3:05 PM

Aislinn: yes, your name is indeed a Gaelic name that predates the modern American naming insanity (19th century origin, to be precise), but you probably shouldn't use "found in baby name books" to defend it. They'll include almost anything in baby name books these days, including all kinds of goofy new "Madisynne" spellings and such. Aislinn does sort of look that way to the American eye, but it's an older name.

The question is, though... do you pronounce it the Gaelic way? Or are you an Ace-lynn? ;)

Posted by litlnemo | October 9, 2008 3:25 PM

@20: Xerxes was a real king.

Pedantic nerd.

PS You're kidding about Phaedra, right? I hope? Do these people do any research?

Posted by Gloria | October 9, 2008 3:27 PM

@23 I do know Xerxes was real. I should have also written: classical history.
Yes, Phaedra was really used. Elektra is quite common now as well.

Posted by inkweary | October 9, 2008 3:40 PM

I agree, Phaedra is one of those names, like Oedipus, that should not be used for innocent children who have not lusted after / killed / pretended to have slept with members of their own family. Because I believe in giving infants the benefit of the doubt, you know?

And for the record: Aislinn is a pretty name for a classy lady. All the haters can get bent.

Posted by Greg | October 9, 2008 3:42 PM

@13 Kristin Sheppard Shot J.R.!

Posted by Ray Krebbs | October 9, 2008 3:54 PM

@24: Just checking.

Ok, Elektra is worse. I hope they don't think the comic book invented it.

Posted by Gloria | October 9, 2008 4:00 PM

I know that Aislinn can do this herself, but I've got to say this: thousands of women in Ireland are named Aislinn. It comes from an older word, aisling, which is a kind of epic story based on a vision. And while you'll find it in loads of baby name books, the places you'll really find the name are Ireland and Scotland. It's normal! (and so is mine -- just not normal in the US, that's all).

Posted by sondari | October 9, 2008 4:09 PM

This link has more about the origin of the name Aislinn:

Posted by litlnemo | October 9, 2008 4:23 PM

My favorite is "Epponnee Rae Craig" from Kath and Kim.

Posted by Simon | October 9, 2008 4:32 PM

Dillinger is supposedly popular with 20-something parents nowadays, which is really hilarious, but I guess it might bode well for the kids' eventual sex lives.

Posted by keshmeshi | October 9, 2008 5:21 PM

What the fuck is supposed to be great about these stupid books? Can't kids nowadays just read His Dark Materials and become existentialists anymore?!

Posted by raisedbywolves | October 9, 2008 7:27 PM

@20: There is no way that more than 50% of the parents of American children named Brittany are aware that Brittany is a place.

Posted by Propaniac | October 10, 2008 5:52 AM

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