Megan Seling on The Cook:

The only thing saving The Cook from being abysmal is that it makes no attempt not to be a crappy low-budget slasher flick intended to entertain stoners and college kids who just want to see blood and boobies. Six sisters in the Lambda Epsilon Zeta house choose to stay home instead of going on the annual STD-catching fest that is Spring Break. There’s a slut, a stoner, a lesbian, a Jesus freak…you get the idea. Strangely and suddenly, they start disappearing one by one. Some grow suspicious, but others are too stoned to notice. At the same time, the new cook starts serving up delicious meaty treats for dinner! Piles of ground meat that’s unfamiliar in flavor and texture, but still the best thing the girls have ever put in their mouths (aside from all the cock they allude to sucking). The murder scenes are pretty uncreative (slit throats, blunt trauma to the head, zzzz…) and there’s nothing sexy about the sex scenes, but somehow it still manages to be charming in a “we know it’s a really bad movie too” sort of way.

The Cook plays tonight at 7 pm at Central Cinema.