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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

So You See, Blinds Are Like Regulars Now

posted by on October 8 at 17:15 PM

A lot of people are riled up about Blindness—a mostly uninteresting (and totally gross) film, based on the novel by José Saramago, about a sudden epidemic of blindness that sweeps the earth and turns normal humans into doodoo-encrusted rapists.

As Paul Constant mentioned a while back, the real-life blind are all kinds of mad at Blindness. Here is a picture of actual blind people protesting outside Pacific Place a few days ago:
I disagree with these blind people that Blindness is offensive to the blind. Blindness is only offensive to people who like good movies. And to people who don’t like looking at slimy, blackened infected legs, or listening to hilariously misplaced folksy narration by Danny Glover. Basically, all people who do not like movies that are silly.

But anyway, the real reason I’m posting about Blindness is that there’s a bit of a kerfuffle going on in the comments section for my review.

From the review:

Surely, in the early weeks of the epidemic, Sandra Oh (as a Shadowy World Leader) could recruit some preexisting blinds to teach the remaining nonblinds how to effectively function while blind? So then when everyone actually ends up blind, they don’t just crawl around on the street eating garbage and crying? I MEAN, SURELY.

And the outraged response:

Seriously? You think in the “real world,” the leaders would band together to teach people how to handle their plight, rather than just racing to protect themselves and abandon anyone else?

And you think this based on evidence like, oh… say… how our world leaders banded together to bring food and security to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina? Or how our world leaders banded together to support and rescue victims of the Rwandan genocides?

No. The social order DOES crumble. Saramago was spot-on, and his book was beautiful and tragic and deeply true.

I think I just got dumber from reading this review. Telling one of the world’s most gifted writers to “Shut the fuck up?” Really? Why does Lindy West hate literature so much?
Of all the dumb crap I’ve read by Lindy West this definitely takes the cake. Of course! Why didn’t Saramago take into account the legions of teachers of the blind standing ever vigilant, ready to be deployed at a moments notice, in the event of epidemic blindness? You sound like Tara Reid wondering why Palestinians and Jews can’t just be friends.

Okay, people. I’ll bite, although I don’t really see what’s interesting about arguing complete hypotheticals like “what the imaginary government would do under this imaginary circumstance.” In the film, the epidemic doesn’t just affect illegal immigrants, or invisible poor people, or really really far away Africans. It gets rich people too, and important people, and, eventually, rich and important people like Shadowy World Leader Sandra Oh. And damn fucking right I think that governments would get their shit together and craft some sort of plan if their rich, white constituents, neighbors, and family members started to go blind and stab each other and eat feces. I really doubt that every single world leader would just throw his/her country in the garbage, hide under his/her desk, and slowly starve to death. Except also, ohhhh my god I am SO EMBARRASSED TO STILL BE TYPING WORDS ABOUT THE INTERNAL LOGIC OF THIS STUPID MOVIE. I forget why I started this post in the first place.

Anyway, I’m sure the book, which I have not read, was lovely and meaningful and full of much literal and metaphorical blindness. But you guuuys, I don’t read books because I am obviously toooooo tiiiiired!!! And I hate literature. Hella.


In closing, what kind of me would I be if I didn’t seize this opportunity to post a not-really-related-at-all Mr. Show sketch?

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

“The freedom of independence without the mess of blind-caused accidents.” (Like rape! And Tara Reid’s breast implants!)

P.S. Also I would like to say that, despite my feelings about Blindness, I am still interested in spending a romantic weekend by the seaside with Mark Ruffalo. Thank you.

RSS icon Comments


Goddamnit, I love Mr. Show.*

*brought to you by Menocu

Posted by bearseatbeats | October 8, 2008 5:25 PM

You are still hiring for Lesbo Wife, right? Can I send my application c/o The Stranger?

Posted by Meagan | October 8, 2008 5:26 PM

"I disagree with these blind people..." is a phrase you don't read often enough.

Posted by elenchos | October 8, 2008 5:36 PM

So... Funny or DIE is funny *if* they're posting old Mr. Show clips?

Posted by w7ngman | October 8, 2008 5:39 PM

I will fight you for Mark Ruffalo.

Posted by Mary T | October 8, 2008 5:54 PM

My feeling is that if the blind people don't want to see "Blindness" they don't have to.

Posted by lolgetit? | October 8, 2008 6:05 PM

I don't see your point.

Posted by stinkbug | October 8, 2008 6:09 PM

Those blind protesters don't look very organized.

Oh, yeah.

Posted by Mama | October 8, 2008 6:28 PM

I said it in the last "Blindness" post and I'll say it again "The Day of the Triffids" first published in 1951 covered similar territory and had the bonus of giant plants killing the poor blind people. I am sure more erudite commenters could tell me why I am wrong about the similarities, but I don't really care.

I will not see this depressing movie, both because I doubt it features giant human-killing plants and also because it sounds depressing as fuck and frankly, right now, I prefer goofy happy movies that make me forget the world is one fucked up place.

Posted by PopTart | October 8, 2008 6:47 PM

Ah yes, I'm sure the leaders of the world will band together and get a bunch of blind pilots to drop supplies for 7 billion people in strategic locations which the blind people will find by echolocation.

Posted by Mr Fuzzy | October 8, 2008 6:49 PM

Seriously, what movie *couldn't* be boycotted? Hulk-people with anger management issues; Pineapple Express- glaucoma patients; Every dirty cop movie ever made-cops. See?

Anyway I also plan to not see this movie b/c it looks awful. But the movie isn't about blind people who are depraved and disgusting. It's about sighted people en mass, who when faced with a new-onset disability freak the fuck out.

Posted by Morgan | October 8, 2008 7:04 PM

The marketing wizards win again. I'd bet these "blind protesters" are, in fact, not even blind.

Posted by One-Eyed Man | October 8, 2008 7:22 PM

@7: Yeah, me neither.

Posted by Lindy West | October 8, 2008 7:27 PM

O. My. God. I swear to God I quoted that exact same line about this exact same topic a few days ago.

Lindy, I already have a wife, but would you consider being my sister?

... Wait, that sounded very wrong.

"I am a television set! Do you HEAR ME!?!?!?! A TV!!! PETER O'TOOLE!!!"

Posted by Billy Nilly | October 8, 2008 7:51 PM

i read the book in spanish whose beautiful title, el ensayo de la ceguera, or an essay on blindness caught my eye. its a great book by a nobel winner. my understanding is that the film is a total flop.

read the book, skip the film.

Posted by SeMe | October 8, 2008 8:13 PM

Ummmmm. You call 14 posts - 10 of which are 5 days old, or older - a "kerfuffle"? My, what an unalloyed hotbed of activity and excitement (and how hopelessly deprived of attention) YOUR life must be.

Posted by Yawn | October 8, 2008 8:26 PM

"Go get em Rocky! I'm a lamp!" became a common catchphrase among my friends a while back..

Posted by Marcel Duchump | October 8, 2008 8:34 PM

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