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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

News from the Future

posted by on October 29 at 14:59 PM

People of the universe, this will soon be yours…
Picture%202.png…an iHeart.

Scientists say they have a working prototype of a fully artificial heart ready for implanting in humans.

The device beats almost exactly like the real thing using electronic sensors to regulate heart rate and blood flow.

A plus:

The new heart is covered with specially treated tissue to avoid rejection by the body’s immune system and the formation of blood clots.

A minus:

[A battery could last] for between five and 16 hours after which it would have to be recharged to prevent the artificial heart stopping.
Dead battery means dead you.

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Suppose you could charge the battery by doing healthy things like walking and waving your arms wildly. That would be truly awesome!

Posted by sasha | October 29, 2008 3:00 PM

Charging every 5 to 16 hours seems like a great deal of frightening maintenance.

Sasha's on to something, they should use those watch batteries that charge just by normal movement.

Posted by Carollani | October 29, 2008 3:02 PM

Charging every 5 to 16 hours seems like a great deal of frightening maintenance.

The earliest Iron Man comics bear this out.

Posted by Superfrankenstein | October 29, 2008 3:05 PM

Oddly enough, the iHeart is only being bought by art directors and costs 10 times what a similar but more functional heart does, one that has a longer battery life and runs linux.

Posted by John Bailo | October 29, 2008 3:08 PM

HOORAY! I'm going to live forever!

Posted by Melissa | October 29, 2008 3:11 PM

In most cases, walking and waving arms would prevent the need for an artificial heart in the first place.

Posted by tabletop_joe | October 29, 2008 3:15 PM

Now we just need an artificial brain for Bailo.

Posted by Tom | October 29, 2008 3:21 PM

#7: Wow! Great rebuff! I'm cringing in comedy terror...your rapier wit is no match for mine, I'm building a comedy bomb shelter and hiding from you!

Posted by John Bailo | October 29, 2008 3:38 PM

Can I get one made of stone?

Posted by elenchos | October 29, 2008 3:38 PM


That's obviously why they need to include the Stark Industries brand retractable plug - or, I guess nowadays a USB 2 cable.

Posted by COMTE | October 29, 2008 3:39 PM

can't they just rig up a solar panel on my hat?

Posted by ams | October 29, 2008 3:40 PM

SOLAR POWR DONT WORK IN SEATLE!!! Move to warm, sunny, pro-American part of country. texas, maybe?

Posted by devilsmoke | October 29, 2008 3:50 PM

@11 then how would you power your sex machine?

Posted by infrequent | October 29, 2008 3:55 PM

We're also working on artificially grown livers and kidneys too.

But don't drink yourself to death in anticipation, the clinical trials will take many years once we figure it out.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 29, 2008 4:49 PM

and @12 there's plenty of solar power usage in Seattle. Even on bad days we get 70 to 80 percent solar radiation.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 29, 2008 4:51 PM

@2 - I dunno, that's Charles's beat off frequency, and he seems to be doing fine.

Posted by We must maintain | October 29, 2008 5:13 PM

@14 and i'm sure you're elbow deep in the research to use the word 'we' instead of 'researchers' or 'scientists'. just 'cause, you know, you're the fucking expert of everything, aren't you, you fucking douche.

Posted by you fucking douche | October 29, 2008 9:21 PM

@17 - I've sat in on something like twenty seminars on the underpinnings of this and one of my PIs is a cardiac surgeon, idiot.

Yeah, I said we.

Now, go get a life, cause your anonymous whinings are really annoying to real people.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 30, 2008 12:07 AM

And the winner is...

tabletop_joe @6!

Posted by Truth hurts the lazy | October 30, 2008 12:36 AM

@18 yup, i'm SURE you did. you probably pioneered the field! just like every other subject that you spout off about. why, you must have a phd in EVERYTHING! hell, just call yerself 'superwill in seattle' and be done with it.

as to me being annoying, pot meet kettle. DBK & PC are amusing because they're psychotic. you just go 'me too! me too! look how amazing and smart i am!' and then you get yer ass handed too you by the rest of slog for being an idiot. you're still a fucking douche.

Posted by you fucking douche | October 30, 2008 12:49 AM

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