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Monday, October 20, 2008

Meet the Christian Nymphos

posted by on October 20 at 13:11 PM


No, they’re not a hot new rock band (though Christian Nymphos is the greatest band name this side of Stigmata Handjob). They’re married Christian ladies filled with the spirit of horniness!

Each one of us who posts on this blog is a Christ follower. We all believe that God came down from heaven and was born of the virgin Mary…his name was Jesus; he walked this Earth performing signs and miracles, but mostly trying to get man to see the love that God had for him. He was crucified, died and buried. On the third day he rose again, ascending into Heaven, where He rules at the right hand of God the Father as part of the three-part trinity. We believe that his death and resurrection are God’s free gift, our Salvation, which we can never possibly earn except by believing that Christ died for our sins. We believe that His return is imminent, can happen at any moment and we anxiously await the day we are reunited with our Savior in Heaven.

We are women with excessive sexual desire for our husbands! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, God wants us to be madly in love with our husbands. He wants us to keep that fire burning in our marriage beds! We have the Song of Solomon as a perfect example of a Christ honored union where the two people are obviously intoxicated with each other.

Good for you, Christian nymphos. (And thank you, MetaFilter.)

RSS icon Comments


I'm waiting to be told what's wrong with this?

Posted by John Bailo | October 20, 2008 1:21 PM

I totally read that as "He rules at the right hand of God the Father as part of the three-way trinity."

Posted by kid icarus | October 20, 2008 1:22 PM

Nothing wrong with this, I suppose. Maybe the fundies would lighten up a little bit if they were getting laid more often. Browsing through the site, they actually do cover a pretty broad range of topics. What does Savage think about this?

Posted by Hernandez | October 20, 2008 1:25 PM

Did we really have to read the whole christ spiel?

Posted by sepiolida | October 20, 2008 1:43 PM

Technically speaking, how can the Song of Solomon depict a "Christ honored union" when it was written somewhere between a thousand and six hundred years before the birth of Jesus? Then there are the whole "it's actually an allegory for God's love for Israel" or "this was totally ripped off from Egyptian poetry" arguments.

Nit-picking? Maybe, but I'm kind of bored.

Posted by GrammarCop | October 20, 2008 1:44 PM

remember, god frowns on reverse cowgirl. i believe that's in leviticus.

Posted by max solomon | October 20, 2008 2:18 PM

Now, if only we could get this on film.

Posted by Vince | October 20, 2008 2:28 PM

if you're interested in songs of solomon, mars hill is doing a sermon series on the very subject now.

Posted by menelaus | October 20, 2008 2:34 PM

So, are these devout Christian ladies welcoming all of the children that the Lord sees fit to bless them with, or are they using *gasp* birth control? 'Cause, you know, sex is only for begetting children, according to the crazies.

Posted by Cori | October 20, 2008 2:34 PM

Christian Nymphos isn't the best band name ever. Nun Fight is the best band name ever.

Posted by Mike in MO | October 20, 2008 2:36 PM

@9 maybe for hardcore fundies, but most Christians are cool with bc that doesn't terminate a pregnancy.

Posted by menelaus | October 20, 2008 2:38 PM

I agree with the ladies. I've had a lot of "Christian Husbands" in my day, and they are really hot. That's how I got the cum in my eye that time.

Posted by Pervy Perv | October 20, 2008 2:39 PM

One of the funniest band names is "God's Favorite Pussy"

Posted by ramalaka | October 20, 2008 4:17 PM

Seems a little desperate.

Posted by Jen | October 20, 2008 4:53 PM

Christians are weird.

Posted by Greg | October 20, 2008 7:00 PM

Christian Nymphos was awesome, but I laughed my ass off at Hooking up Holy, online sex toy store for Christian couples.

Who knew god approved of anal beads?

In all seriousness, the info seems to be accurate in terms of physiology. It's also very pro-female enjoyment of sex. "Service" with a smile.

Posted by MJ | October 20, 2008 10:36 PM

What the fuck have those bitches done to the Nicene Fucking Creed? The world's going to hell. Starting with Constantine the Great, who screwed up the Nicene Fucking Creed.

Posted by Amelia | October 20, 2008 11:16 PM

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