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Sunday, October 12, 2008

Gotcha, Suckers!!!

posted by on October 12 at 14:38 PM

A recent text message exchange:

Wouldn’t it be funny if Barack Obama really was a secret Muslim?
If Barack Obama really is a secret Muslim, then what will I put in my Barack Obama Secret Muslim Keepsake Box? Not secrets!
It will have to be renamed Barack Obama Muslim Well-Known Facts Box.

I mean, you have to admit it would be very slightly hilarious if, on the morning of November 5th, Obama was all, “Sike! AS-SALAAM ALEYKUM, BITCHES! Shoulda listened to crazy Uncle Pete’s e-mail forwards!!” I mean, just a little? Just a tiny bit hilarious? …Guys?

RSS icon Comments

1

sad that muslim has become a bad word in this country.

Posted by skye | October 12, 2008 3:01 PM
2

Do you mean "psych"?

Posted by Matthew | October 12, 2008 3:04 PM
3

Sorry, don't get it on so many levels. Try again.

Posted by Mike in Iowa | October 12, 2008 3:05 PM
4

Frankly being Muslim/Jew/Christian/Hindu/Jain/Whatever is not the problem. Being fanatically militant about it is.

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | October 12, 2008 3:05 PM
5

Not funny. It would still be irrelevant.

It would be funny, though, if, after the election Barack Obama picked William Ayers as Secretary of Education, Rev. Wright as Secretary of Health and Human Services, and Jim Johnson as the head of HUD. All or any of these would be hillarious.

Posted by In MN | October 12, 2008 3:07 PM
6

Yes, this would indeed be hilarious.

Posted by Chris in Tampa | October 12, 2008 3:09 PM
7

and don't forget about him growing an afro and painting the White House black

Posted by mike k. | October 12, 2008 3:22 PM
8

it would only be laughable if he yelled it from the top of the griffith observatory.

Posted by KCip | October 12, 2008 3:26 PM
9

The Caliphate of America! Sweet. However, yanks would not like waking up really early for the first of five call to prayers. But at least we would get some kick-ass slots on the Haj. I have always wanted to visit the spring of ZamZam.

Posted by Lawrence Molloy | October 12, 2008 3:31 PM
10

I am now going to be quite disappointed if this doesn't happen. Thanks.

Posted by LogopolisMike | October 12, 2008 3:36 PM
11

Personally, I'm hoping he pulls out his AK-47 and fires it into the air during the inaugural parade. Allah Akbar!

Posted by Ashley | October 12, 2008 3:40 PM
12

Just as hilarious as if by some chance McCain gets elected and we wake up the day after inauguration day to see him yelling out the white house window "hey you rotten kids get of my lawn before I call the cops"

Posted by wl | October 12, 2008 3:47 PM
13

It would be funny if the programming McCain received in the POW camp kicked in on Jan. 20, seconds after the swearing-in. Then Angela Lansbury would truly have her revenge.

Just sayin'.

Posted by Jeff Stevens | October 12, 2008 3:50 PM
14

The rat's-nest-haired woman from Minnesota said Obama was not just a Muslim, but an "Arab." The elderly Senator said no he's not, he's "a decent, family man."

Posted by Colleen A | October 12, 2008 3:53 PM
15

Everybody on World of Warcraft says it's John Panama McCain that is the secret muslim.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 12, 2008 3:55 PM
16

In before John Bailo

Posted by AJ | October 12, 2008 4:06 PM
17

i can't believe no one has mentioned bill maher's religulous movie on the slog yet. i mean really? get with it.

Posted by ellie | October 12, 2008 4:06 PM
18

That way he & Michelle could show up at the inauguration dressed like this http://www.africastyles.com/Couple/306.shtml and frighten all the white people.

Posted by Bruce | October 12, 2008 4:10 PM
19

Pavlov Institute give John McCain brainwashing and re-programming in POW camp in Hanoi Hilton, McCain submit to Pavlov Institute, freak out, Hulk out, JOHN MCCAIN BECOME MANCHURIAN HULK!

MANCHURIAN HULK WILL CROAK ON FIRST DAY IN OFFICE, ENABLE SARAH PALIN TO TURN USA INTO THEOCRACY!

And no, I don't feel like letting it go.

Posted by The Incredible Sulk | October 12, 2008 4:13 PM
20

Joke's on you ... Mike Holmgren is the secret Muslim!

Feel terrorized yet? Well, do ya?

In other developments, Barack Obama is the secret Republican. On the bright side, there's always hope that the emerging systemic financial crisis will give him second thoughts.

Posted by RonK, Seattle | October 12, 2008 4:23 PM
21

The text exchange is funny. The existence of a Barack Obama Secret Muslim Keepsake Box is really funny. Your closing comments, however, are not funny.

I know it may seem counter-intuitive, but it is often the case that a joke about a thing is funny. And a joke about a joke about a thing is funny. But all the while, the thing itself isn't funny in the least.

Posted by 30-30 | October 12, 2008 4:28 PM
22

Muslim, Christian, Zoroastrian. Who knows what Barack Obama believes? Or doesn't believe?

After two years of press, America asks

Who Is Barack Obama?

What does he believe in? One day he doesn't want to wear a pin...the next day he wears it. No morals, except a lust of power, brought on by the desire of Bill Ayers to wreck our nation.

Who is Barack Obama?

No one knows...

Posted by John Bailo | October 12, 2008 4:58 PM
23

I love that Slog commenters are here to set Lindy AND me straight on what is worthwhile, BLOGGABLE material

I mean, shit, that's what beautiful Sunday afternoons are for!

Posted by CM | October 12, 2008 5:12 PM
24

I guess the McCain/Palin camp doesn't think they have to explain how Obama can be both a "secret Muslim" and have a spiritual mentor who's a United Church of Christ minister.

Posted by Laurie Mann | October 12, 2008 5:28 PM
25

It would be sofa king hilarious.

Also, "AS-SALAAM ALEYKUM, BITCHES!" is the funniest thing you've ever written.

Finally, @ 22, that's the best you got?

Posted by Mike in MO | October 12, 2008 5:35 PM
26

Bailo, daddy's not going to love you, even if you vote Republican.

Posted by w7ngman | October 12, 2008 5:40 PM
27

Ummmm...what does "funny" mean again?

Posted by Krizpie Kreme | October 12, 2008 5:54 PM
28

@24 - They already have an explanation. Obama is a secret Muslim who has a spiritual mentor at an "alleged" United Church of Christ

Posted by Chris in Tampa | October 12, 2008 6:34 PM
29

I'd laugh my arse off if Dino Rossi turned out to be a secret Muslim.

Posted by Seajay | October 12, 2008 7:01 PM
30

If he peeled off his face mask to show that he was really Louis Farrakhan, you mean? And that he really does intend to, as they say, paint the White House black?

Posted by K | October 12, 2008 7:34 PM
31

That would be hilarious. 'Cause then he and Michelle could come to the inauguration dressed like this and frighten all the white people:
http://www.africastyles.com/Couple/306.shtml

Posted by Bruce | October 12, 2008 8:03 PM
32

How come it says "31 comments" but only 15 are showing? Apologies if I double-posted the inauguration outfits link.

Posted by Bruce | October 12, 2008 8:07 PM
33

@25
Seeing RZA and GZA saying KONICHIWA BITCHES after being drafted by the Asians is funnier than AS-SALAAM ALEYKUM, BITCHES!

http://www.videosift.com/video/Chappelles-Show-The-Racial-Draft

Posted by jnonymous | October 12, 2008 8:08 PM
34

@25
Seeing RZA and GZA saying KONICHIWA BITCHES after being drafted by the Asians is funnier than AS-SALAAM ALEYKUM, BITCHES!

http://www.videosift.com/video/Chappelles-Show-The-Racial-Draft

Posted by jnonymous | October 12, 2008 8:08 PM
35

Of course NOW it's working. Never mind.

Posted by Bruce | October 12, 2008 8:09 PM
36

@25
Seeing RZA and GZA saying KONICHIWA BITCHES after being drafted by the Asians is funnier than AS-SALAAM ALEYKUM, BITCHES!

http://www.videosift.com/video/Chappelles-Show-The-Racial-Draft

Posted by jnonymous | October 12, 2008 8:09 PM
37

Breaking McCain Scandal: In his years spent on the ground pallin' around with America-hating jailers in North Vietnam, McCain acquired the communist fraternity nickname of "John Bailout." While spilling U.S. secrets to a Vietcong prostitute, McCain fathered a communist bastard by the name of John Bailout II, who later fled to the American West Coast and fathered yet another communist bastard he named John Bailout III. While dodging military service, John Bailout III shortened his last name to Bailo.

And that, my friends, is the rest of the story. Good day.

Posted by Kaypro | October 12, 2008 8:51 PM
38

#22, that's such a weak argument. It could be applied to anyone. John McCain might be praying to Zeus in his head every night and no one would ever know.
I could go to Mass (or a mosque, or a Shinto shrine) every single day of my life, but it wouldn't necessarily mean that I actually believe what is being said. I could be forced to do so. I could want to seduce the priest. But in the US, who would be forcing Barack Obama, a financially independent adult male, to go to a Christian church for years and years and write incorporating his Christian faith?
Putting aside conspiracy theories, what is the most logical choice?

Posted by Tally | October 12, 2008 8:59 PM
39

jesus christ would everyone lighten up???

Posted by princess | October 12, 2008 9:39 PM
40

@22 flag pin? mccain wasn't wearing one in the last debate, obama was.

troll.

john bailo eats his young.

Posted by skye | October 12, 2008 10:14 PM
41

America doesn't ask "Who is Barack Obama?" Only dumb shits who can't name a single newspaper or magazine they read (hello Governor?) ask that.

Posted by wow | October 12, 2008 10:45 PM
42

And speaking of lust, I have a thing for the jar of mayonnaise in my fridge...

Posted by John Bailo | October 12, 2008 11:06 PM
43

John McCain might be praying to Zeus in his head every night and no one would ever know.

That would rock.

Posted by MissyMiss | October 12, 2008 11:47 PM
44

I, for one, laughed so hard when I first read this that it scared my cat.

Of course it would be funny. because I have an 'Uncle Pete' equivalent--my aunt in Anchorage. She's a hockey mom, too, and ever since Palin got nominated she's been sending everyone in my family emails about sitting next Palin at hockey matches.

I've got family in Wasilla, too. We've gotten lots of emails.

My point? Only really really dumb people (like my aunt)would ever truly believe that Obama would really do that. That's what makes it funny. I'm not saying Alaskans are dumb, just that some people around this nation have serious convictions about an absolute fallacy that amounts to hogwash. Bless my aunt, she's nice, but really? That's laughable.

Posted by Glasses | October 12, 2008 11:50 PM
45

Fuck me--a whole generation of douchebag imbeciles to whom it does not even occur that "sike" makes no goddamned sense at all, and that maybe, just maybe, they actually ought to be using the derivative "psych."

It's like reading a blog post by George W. motherfucking Bush.

Posted by Hoyt Clagwell | October 13, 2008 1:38 AM
46

I'm more worried about him getting in and then disclosing that he's a secret fanatical evangelical christian.

Posted by monkey | October 13, 2008 7:48 AM
47

It would be even funnier if he really DID turn out to be the Antichrist.

Posted by giantladysquirrels | October 13, 2008 8:11 AM
48

Funnier still if he were secretly muslin, as those folks in Florida tried to warn us.

Posted by sb | October 13, 2008 8:55 AM
49

The only way Obama revealing he was secretly Muslim would matter is if it were simultaneously revealed to me that I secretly give a shit.

Posted by flamingbanjo | October 13, 2008 9:01 AM
50

Remember that priest who revealed that she was secretly a muslim? How many AKs and bombs do you think she has? If your answer is more than zero, you fail.

Posted by Greg | October 13, 2008 11:43 AM
51

This just in: Barack Obama is secretly naugahyde!

Details at beer o'clock!

Posted by Cookie W. Monster | October 13, 2008 12:08 PM
52

Chubby Rain is one of my favorite action movies.

Posted by Erik | October 13, 2008 12:14 PM

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