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Wednesday, October 1, 2008

“Gonna Stop Smoke Today”

posted by on October 1 at 11:54 AM

Well, Frizzelle, I think I’ve found your Alaskan man of letters, a latter-day Robert Service who wrote a couple of poems during a standoff with the police:


Poem number one:

Boy I could use a smoke.
“Scarey” very noise bullets.
Fucking scrary.
My, my maybe
the holy father
would help
wish someone would
pray for me

And the story, from a friend who works as a detective up there:

The guy, who was in his 50s and has no criminal history, just went nuts. The day before he flipped he used a backhoe to tear up his son’s septic system because he was mad at his son. Then the next day he grabbed a bunch of his guns, went to a Texaco, and had a standoff with cops for hours. At one point he yelled “I’m coming out” and came out with two guns on his shoulders and two small vases in his hands with a flower in each vase. He walks out half way to the nearest SWAT team cop and says “these are for you,” puts the vases down, then goes back to his hideout spot.

Eventually the cops tricked him with cigarettes

Poem number two:

Out a cigs
shit o dear
“He expects me to walk down and get some.”
Shit o dear NO WAY
shit o dear
gonna stop smoke today

And more from the cop:

He came out and they tazed him.

At arraignment he told the judge his name wasn’t his name on the charging documents because “that name is all in capitol letters, and all caps is reserved for DEAD PEOPLE.”

And yesterday, from jail, he wrote a very polite and lucid letter to me asking to have his guns returned ASAP because he needs them.

I bet he needs them.

RSS icon Comments


that's really charming!

Posted by angelika | October 1, 2008 12:00 PM

Tearing up your son's septic system sounds awfully Freudian.

Posted by inkweary | October 1, 2008 12:05 PM

Seriously, he was in a gas station and ran out of cigs? Did he go through the dozens of cartons they usually have?

Posted by dwight moody | October 1, 2008 12:17 PM

@3 - Perhaps he was just really peculiar and only smoked the single ones or something, still it seems like it'd take quite a bit of puffing to clean out any gas station I've ever been in.

Posted by Super Jesse | October 1, 2008 12:23 PM

Interesting news day today, between this and the getaway-raft robber.

Posted by tabletop_joe | October 1, 2008 1:06 PM

Maybe the gas station had them behind a locked barrier. Or maybe the guy didn't want to steal or something; we already know he's kooky.

But "shit oh dear" is a classic Alaskan phrase I've most often from tugboat people from up in Prudhoe Bay. Them's lovely pomes, all rightie.

Posted by Fnarf | October 1, 2008 1:25 PM

John Hoover is from Alaska and an amazing artist. The lines and forms he creates are stunning and rooted in Alutiiq tradition. In Alaska the best art, artists, writers, and singers are mostly Native. Nora Marks Dauenhauer is one of my favorite writers. For music check out Pamyua.

Posted by Jiberish | October 1, 2008 2:52 PM

"How To Make Good Baked Salmon" by Nora Marks is one of my favorites.

Posted by Jiberish | October 1, 2008 2:57 PM

Put this guy in a small, padded room with a nice window and a chair, give him lots of paper and some pencils, and just let him do his thing. I'm sure everyone will be happier this way.

Posted by Greg | October 1, 2008 3:26 PM

Oh to know the bliss and glow
That good tobacco means
Just live among the everlasting ice
So imagine my amazement
When my stock of magazines
Was chewed into a chowder by the mice!

Posted by Jimmy | October 1, 2008 4:16 PM

Jewel is from Alaska. Is she an artist?

Posted by Simone | October 1, 2008 7:25 PM

"shit o dear"

... ha, this guy is adorable!

Posted by raisedbywolves | October 2, 2008 7:17 AM

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