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Sunday, October 12, 2008

Big Sister Is Watching

posted by on October 12 at 16:57 PM


Followed this bus all the way down Capitol Hill yesterday on our way to the U-District. Now I’m feeling terribly self-conscious about my ugly bathroom. It’s tiny—7’ by 7’—and every surface is covered in lavender formica. A huge Japanese soaking tub takes up most of the tiny space, the sink is wedged in behind a door, and the narrow shower stall was designed for a recreational vehicle, not a house. Ugly, ugly, ugly. Since our full-size hot water heater doesn’t heat enough water to fill the Japanese soaking tub, we use it to store cleaning supplies and empty aspirin bottles.

But we live with it, we live with it.

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you don't even use the big tube?!?!?!

gut it. Install one of those awful unrinals you slogged about a while back...

Posted by Mike in MO | October 12, 2008 5:25 PM

Lavender formica? Jesus.

I have to say, I've always wanted a Japanese soaking tub, though.

Posted by Darcy | October 12, 2008 5:25 PM

sorry, s/b tub, not tube...

Posted by Mike in MO | October 12, 2008 5:27 PM

So now you have some domestic responsibility?

Dude, Get real. Terry does ALL the house chores and is have a hard time of it.

If you weren't gone all the time, maybe you could help contribute. Why don't you take a class on how to do basic home remodeling? Naw, that would require a sacrifice on your behalf.

See, you have any extra time, and you wouldn't be hob nobbin' with the media "elite" on such legendary programs as Real Time and "yabbertime" with some blond cunt on CNN.

But then maybe your bathroom wouldn't look like a crackhead's.

Posted by ecce homo | October 12, 2008 5:27 PM

But you don't *have* to live with it -- that's what she's trying to tell you.

Posted by tuesday harmony | October 12, 2008 5:28 PM

You have a Japanese tub, and you don't use it?  That's...  That's...

To each his own, I guess.  If you were to remodel and get rid of the tub, though, I would enthusiastically take it off your hands.

Posted by lostboy | October 12, 2008 5:36 PM

I saw it FIRST lostboy!

Posted by Sargon Bighorn | October 12, 2008 5:38 PM

And, you call yourself an advice columnist.
Discard your hot water heater.
Get a tankless water heater.

Posted by David R. | October 12, 2008 5:46 PM

I live in Japan, and they have a good system here - you fill the tub, and a recirculating water heater makes the water hot and keeps it that way. Means you have to shower before getting in the tub, but that works for me.

And yet, I still haven't used it. I feel your pain.

By the way, it's water heater, people. Why would you have a device that heats hot water?!

Posted by StotheL | October 12, 2008 6:08 PM

For some reason, when I see that billboard I always read it as "Faith Bitter" at first, assume it's some religious thing, and ignore it.

Posted by stacy | October 12, 2008 6:16 PM

I don't see a problem here. Home-equity line of credit, new accounts at Homo Depot and Bed/Bath/Beyond, a new Toyota Tundra crew-cab to tote all your old & new bathroom bits around... It's the Amurrican Way!

Posted by rob | October 12, 2008 6:20 PM

So does that mean the bathroom floor is set up so you can wash outside the tub? Those kind of bathrooms are pretty rare here.

Posted by Greg | October 12, 2008 6:22 PM

I wish I had a Japanese soaking tub. Then again, I'd need a house to put it in first. The library won't even let me sleep here overnight, I doubt they'd let me install a hot tub.

Posted by ecce homo | October 12, 2008 6:24 PM

at least you don't have to live with bathroom carpeting.

Posted by Simon | October 12, 2008 6:27 PM

okay am i the ONLY person who, when seeing this ad on the buses very briefly, sees darcy burner??

and while we're at i also the ONLY person who sees obama when i approach one of those blue seattle times vending boxes on the street?? it does look like he's on the side of the box, reading the ST (yes, i unfortunate for him...) if i had an image i'd post one, but i can't find one for the life of me!

Posted by jezbian | October 12, 2008 6:31 PM

@1,3: The "big tube" is what one bounces up and down on. "Unrinals" are the imaginary urinals used of necessity by the homeless: trees in the park, recessed storefronts, etc.

Posted by rob | October 12, 2008 6:32 PM

Dan, Dan, Dan.

You know I love you. (Well, NOW you know.) But why do you need a hot water heater? Why not just get a water heater? Heating hot water seems like such a waste of energy.

Posted by Jake | October 12, 2008 6:37 PM

Lavender formica? You gotta post some pictures of that!

Posted by REM | October 12, 2008 6:38 PM

Dan, as the Traveling Electrical Hostess for your district, I'd be happy to discuss your inadequate electrical service.

Perhaps you need a 320 amp service. Or even a CT. God, I hope not. CT's are an awful lot of bother for me. I'm not made of iron, you know.

Come to think of it, just switch to gas. You'll have plenty of hot water then.

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay | October 12, 2008 7:00 PM

I'm so jealous of the Japanese soaking tub. I'd heat up endless amounts of water on the stove to fill that bad boy up.

I wonder about the logic of the previous home owner who installed it. Did it not occur to him/her that the water heater would be insufficient?

Posted by keshmeshi | October 12, 2008 7:04 PM

I would like to see photos of this bathroom.

Thank you,

Posted by stinkbug | October 12, 2008 7:23 PM

Photos, please. Thank you.

Posted by sha | October 12, 2008 7:58 PM

Yes Dan. Photos. And learn to use that tub, Japanese style (shower first, soak after). You're breaking my heart.

Posted by they're all right. | October 12, 2008 8:06 PM

dan, i would gladly donate $200 to no on prop 8 if you ban ecce home for LIFE. square biz.

Posted by scary tyler moore | October 12, 2008 8:07 PM

is it really like a Japanese bathroom? if so, i want to take it from you so bad...!

(all the houses I've seen around here so far where wealthy people have installed "Japanese" bathrooms have looked very embarrassingly American..)

Posted by jw | October 12, 2008 8:35 PM

Darcy Burner...

Hot bath...

mmm, mmmm.

Posted by Karlheinz Arschbomber | October 12, 2008 8:41 PM


Another useless narcissistic post from Savage.

That squishing sound you hear is the sloppy masturbating of a thousand gay boy fans who now know what Savage's bathroom looks like.

Who gives a fuck?

Posted by andy | October 12, 2008 8:52 PM

Please get a solar water heater or an on-demand water heater.

They are both much better for the environment.

Posted by Jerry | October 12, 2008 8:54 PM

Actually, Jerry, a solar water heater could not even DREAM of filling Mr. Savage's tub. A tankless could to the job nicely. However, an electric one would both brown out his neighbors, and immediately put him into our rather expensive tier three rate (which is designed to encourage conservation).

A natural gas tankless would be the much better choice.

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay | October 12, 2008 9:02 PM
30 I the only one who doesn't know what a Japanese soaking tub is?

Posted by Joey the Girl | October 12, 2008 9:23 PM

I'm as clueless as you, Joey. I only know what a Polish soaking tub is, and it's not something you put water in.

Posted by Chris in Tampa | October 12, 2008 9:49 PM

I'll donate $201. just to keep ecce in. You don't have enough money to remodel your bathroom??? Bill Maher must be paying shit.

Posted by STLJoy | October 12, 2008 10:35 PM

Can somebody please explain to me why an ad for bathroom fixtures simply has some lady's face on it and no image of an actual bathroom or fixture? Is she going to fix my bathroom for me? Who is she? What does she have to do with ugly bathrooms? Also, is she single?

What? She's a MILF.

Posted by Ozymandias | October 12, 2008 11:07 PM

Assumed Dan would have marble and granite
counters and kohler suite in black (including a bidet). What kind of fag is he?
Am disappointed. . . .Fuck Bath fitters. They redid my shower. . .Tacky. Have been wearing bib overalls since

Posted by Joe Frilly-Panties | October 12, 2008 11:46 PM

Laura Linney?

Jesus. That is some of the worst goddamned graphic design I've seen for a while. And I thought I hated the ads currently on our city buses, with their use of Comic Sans and improperly used apostrophes.

I don't get the image of the woman at all. If you're going to use some stock image, why not one that has to do with, you know, bathrooms? To me, that gigantic woman looks like a nurse, and she makes me subconsciously read this as an ad for a home health services provider or some kind of long-term care extended insurance package.

The text is all over the goddamned place, and I keep reading the "Bath Fitters" at the top as "Faith Batters."

Why is "You don't have to live with an ugly bathroom." in quotation marks?

No bathroom remodeling worth having can be done in one day. Hell, one could barely do an acceptable paint job in one day.

Posted by Hoyt Clagwell | October 13, 2008 1:08 AM

Actually a solar water heater could do the job just fine.

It's time we all went solar.

Posted by al | October 13, 2008 4:55 AM

Ooooh... look at me... I'm Dan Savage. I'm such a celebrity people will post 37 comments even if all I do is babble for a paragraph about my own bathroom.


Posted by rolling my fucking eyes | October 13, 2008 4:56 AM

I agree it's time we all went solar. But you have to recognize its limitations. I have solar customers who tell me how disappointed they are with the reduction in their power bill. Then you go out to their home and find they have four plasma TV's, two huge sub-zeros, and a ten person hot tub they keep running 24/7. Solar works best with intelligent load conservation.

But that has NOTHING to do with Dan's bathtub.

Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay | October 13, 2008 7:00 AM

Dan readily admits he's not using the bathtub, so let's assume he's not your typical American consumerist energy-hog (with the four plasmas, etc., that you mention) and encourage him to green up.

Posted by em | October 13, 2008 7:09 AM

Clearly it's time for a remodel AND a bigger hot water heater.

Posted by monkey | October 13, 2008 7:44 AM

thanks @9, you douchebag. now all I can see in these posts is 'hot water heater'

Posted by rococo | October 13, 2008 7:55 AM

@41... @9 is right, though.

And surely this is not the first time you have noticed that Savage does not proofread his posts or even care if they are riddled with errors.

Posted by madge | October 13, 2008 8:05 AM

Here is an article about some Seattle guys who use a solar water heater:

Posted by adk | October 13, 2008 9:37 AM

Dear everyone who wants to know what a Japanese soaking tub is like:


Posted by Greg | October 13, 2008 9:38 AM

@10, Stacy, totally with you.

That's a personal add for a lady named Faith Bitter. I've never associated it with bathroom fixtures.

Posted by Bubbles | October 13, 2008 10:31 AM

Shit. Now I'm a douchebag @41 and I'm hating on Dan @42.

I'm going to go make cookies in my baked goods oven until I feel better.

Posted by StotheL | October 13, 2008 6:06 PM

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