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Thursday, September 25, 2008

Who Wants to be Sarah Palin’s Gay Friend?

posted by on September 25 at 17:10 PM

Does Sarah Palin have any gay friends?

She claimed she had gay friends back when she running for governor of Alaska in 2006. But no one has been able to find any of Sarah Palin’s gay friends. Did Sarah Palin lie about having gay friends? Looks that way. But why would this darling of the religious right lie about having gay friends? Palin probably figured that having gay friendsóor claiming to have gay friendsówould help her appeal to the kind of moderate voters turned off by gay-bashing religious batshits. So while Palin supports every last hateful position taken by the likes of James Dobson and Fred Phelps, she was able to point to her imaginary gay friends to prove to moderate voters that she doesn’t actually, you know, hate gay people herself. Hey, she can’t! She’s got gay friends! (It’s kind of like how John McCain has a gay chief of staff proves that he’s not anti-gay. He may take every anti-gay position imaginable, throw his lot in with the haters, and cast anti-gay votes at nearly every opportunity. But he’s not anti-gay, no sir!)

But you know what? I think Sarah Palin could probably use some gay friends about now. (Right now a gay friend would be telling Palin that Katie Couric is a total bitch.) And, hey, maybe if Sarah Palin had some real gay friends she might realize that she’s wrong about gay rights and gay marriage and gay adoption. So I made this video offering my friendship to Sarah Palin…

Do you want to be Sarah Palin’s gay friend too? Make a video explaining why you should be Sarah Palin’s gay friend, upload it to YouTube, send me the link, and I’ll post it on Slog. Sarah Palin may have been lying when she claimed to have gay friends back in 2006 but this is America, my friends, where we can make the lies come true! And Sarah “Thanks But No Thanks!” Palin has enough lies to keep track of without having to worry about that whopper she told Alaskans about having gay friends back in 2006.

So let’s help Sarah out! Let’s get her some gay friends! I’m in! Who else wants to be Sarah Palin’s gay friend?

RSS icon Comments


I'll not only be her friend--I'll be her mascot!

And no, I don't feel like letting it go.

Posted by The Incredible Gay Pit Bull | September 25, 2008 5:29 PM

Do I hate Palin or Savage more? Hmmmm. Can't decide.

Posted by FRUITCAKEpuppet | September 25, 2008 5:32 PM

dan, where did you find that tshirt? i can't find it anywhere and it is more than completely appropriate for my friend studying at that fine institution.

Posted by jayme | September 25, 2008 5:37 PM

Dan is so damn sexy.

Posted by Nixor | September 25, 2008 5:41 PM

Dan is that you whoring your son about as a prop.

Naughty naughty.

Posted by Malcolm in Sydney | September 25, 2008 5:45 PM

Sarah Palin would never whore her children out as props. And that isn't Dan's son. That was a framed photograph of Dan's son.

Posted by Tiny Dancer | September 25, 2008 5:51 PM

@6 true but sophistry will get you nowhere.

Posted by Malcolm in Sydney | September 25, 2008 5:53 PM

Dan, you're leaving out the possibility that Sarah Palin DID in fact have gay friends in 2006 and doesn't today because she prayed extra, extra hard for those gay friends and God heard the prayers and those gay friends of Sarah's heard what He said and found Jesus and realized they were sinning.

Those gay friends in 2006 are probably now happily married heterosexuals expecting their third child any day now.

Posted by Chris B. | September 25, 2008 5:57 PM

I'm already some Alaskan chick's gay friend. I've done my duty.

PS by the way, they are all pretty much on the nutty side but I love her still. MY friend, not Tina Palin. Ew, as if.

Posted by monkey | September 25, 2008 6:08 PM

"Skin a moose". Is that a metaphor?

Posted by DOUG. | September 25, 2008 6:15 PM

Dan using his son as a prop?

Does the son ever get a say in his dad flaking about his personal life?

Posted by Editor's Note | September 25, 2008 6:18 PM

Gee, being Sarah's Gay Friend? I don't know, I have so much grout to clean and their's that ironing I need to get too.....

Posted by Andrew | September 25, 2008 6:29 PM

You are adorable!
Please never be Sarah's friend... Never, Never, Never!

Posted by mj | September 25, 2008 6:47 PM

Funny video, I likey.

Actually, I see my most favorite stranger cover ever in the background. That is still the best thing that I got from the trivia contest. I stare at that cover all the time, it has a calming effect...

And every balanced breeder should have a gay friend.

Posted by wisepunk | September 25, 2008 6:47 PM

Um, do I actually have to BE gay?

Posted by COMTE | September 25, 2008 6:49 PM

Slog is ok except when it strains to be funny. You guys just never pull it off - it's always so "hahaha isn't this funny?" Ummm. Nope. Just.stupid.

Humor really doesn't need to involve much heavy lifting.

Posted by Bob | September 25, 2008 6:52 PM

I think my video will be about making her family comfortable with my lifestyle, in case they should "choose" it, like Mary Cheney.

And it's off-topic, but I recognize the big purple Obama button holding up the McCain/Palin poster! They're lovely.

Dan obviously has good taste.

Posted by V | September 25, 2008 6:57 PM

This is going to put Mr. Poe over the edge...

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | September 25, 2008 6:58 PM

Would this include hangin' at the mall? I think there would have to be some warm up before the sleepover/pajama party...hmmm and perhaps the brandy from my dad's liquor cabinet

Posted by 4f...sake | September 25, 2008 7:11 PM

I think lesbians fantasize about SP.

Posted by John Bailo | September 25, 2008 7:11 PM

This is why I can never stay mad at you, Mr. Savage.

Posted by elenchos | September 25, 2008 7:12 PM

I'd rather eat glass than be that stupid woman's gay friend.

But I should make a video. . .

In other news, how could you make it through the whole thing without offering to teach her kids all about musical theatre? What kind of gay *are* you?

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | September 25, 2008 7:20 PM

I hope you will be as good a friend to her as you were to Gary Bauer.

Posted by east coaster | September 25, 2008 7:23 PM

not funny. and about a minute too long.

Posted by not funny | September 25, 2008 7:28 PM

Does this mean you're going to the gift exchange with Sarah's friends in Alaska? Does Babeland sell Christmas tree ornaments?

Posted by Irena | September 25, 2008 7:45 PM

I'll be her gay friend if I can secretly be fucking her husband behind her back.

Posted by ferretrick | September 25, 2008 7:57 PM

Oh, also, I hear Clay Aiken is available.

Posted by ferretrick | September 25, 2008 8:02 PM

Dan, Dan. You don't field dress a moose at home. You field dress a moose in, um, the field.

Posted by gay dad | September 25, 2008 8:44 PM

I wouldn't piss on that bitch if she was on fire. So I guess that's a no from me.

Posted by banjoboy | September 25, 2008 9:17 PM

I'm with 26 -- but TP would have to be wearing a ball gag.

Posted by Calpete | September 25, 2008 9:36 PM

Dan, Sarah Palin may be a douche, but there's no need to compare her to psychos like Fred Phelps. She may hate gay people, but I see no evidence she wants us all dead.

Posted by Patrick Colvin | September 25, 2008 10:27 PM

Sadly, @31 for the win.

Posted by Will in Seattle | September 25, 2008 10:33 PM

This was amazing!

Posted by meabsolutely | September 25, 2008 10:36 PM

Thanks, but no thanks.

Posted by STLJoy | September 25, 2008 10:56 PM

Whoa, check out Lipodystrophy Boy! How long have you been on that stuff?

Posted by AZT Hee Hee! | September 26, 2008 6:05 AM


Lord make a way! Lord make a way!

Posted by Mike in MO | September 26, 2008 6:08 AM

@20 No, lesbian's don't fantasize about SP but we sure as hell fantasize about Tina Fey.

Posted by Mae | September 26, 2008 6:41 AM

Maybe this is all a question of semantics. When she's talking about "gay" maybe she means just really, really happy.

Posted by Charm | September 26, 2008 7:41 AM

Some of us are just lucky enough to be naturally horse-faced and gaunt.

Posted by Dan Savage | September 26, 2008 7:50 AM

Honestly, if she had gay friends do you think she'd still look like that?

Posted by woodsea | September 26, 2008 8:48 AM

@ 39: you are not horse faced! Gaunt, maybe, but not horse faced.

Posted by Mike in MO | September 26, 2008 9:16 AM

When Dan tosses this into the mix:

Palin supports every last hateful position taken by the likes of James Dobson and Fred Phelps

Dobson probably, Phelps, no. There's no evidence whatsoever that Palin supports Phelps and his congregation protesting funerals recognized as insanity by even far right-wingers.

Helpful hint Dan: Think before you type!

Posted by raindrop | September 26, 2008 9:41 AM

Maybe she thinks that if you can see gay people from somewhere in Alaska, you must be friends with them.

Posted by Chris in SF | September 26, 2008 10:55 AM

@29: I'd totally piss on her if she was on fire. Or not on fire. Whichever.

Posted by Greg | September 26, 2008 11:28 AM

#16 -

Obviously, we don't all have the same sense of humor.

Dan's video had me LOL. Which I very seldom do...

Posted by Ayden | September 26, 2008 11:40 AM

she doesn't have any gay friends anymore because she and her church prayed them all straight. Watch out Dan, if you get on her radar you'll end up on her prayer list too and no one needs another straight sex- advice columnist.

Posted by inkweary | September 26, 2008 11:57 AM

I think there are many log cabin republicans who would claim to be a gay friend of Sarah. It would just be to help the party and its move towards more inclusiveness, so it wouldn't really matter if they were actually friends. The media will just twist the story anyway.

Posted by John | September 26, 2008 12:24 PM

@6: So the family-whoring errr... outing at the Republican convention didn't count?

Posted by RP | September 26, 2008 1:05 PM


I'm from Tacoma but I actually go to Penn (not Penn state) at the moment.

Posted by Geoffrey | September 26, 2008 1:52 PM

Just Loved!

Might I suggest...

Carole King "You've Got A Friend" for the Soundtrack.

Posted by Jory | September 26, 2008 3:26 PM

Just like Sarah, I once saw a gay person, so I can totally understand them, and I know that they fly over my house every once in a while.
Totally !

Posted by Chuck | September 26, 2008 4:22 PM

Aw get over it you gay cock sucker! Majority rules in a republic and you my friend will never be part of the majority! The laws of SCIENCE say so!

Posted by AxelROD | September 26, 2008 4:25 PM

i dont wanna be that scums friend

Posted by queerunity | September 26, 2008 4:29 PM

@41 I'm with Tennessee Williams: gaunt, horse-faced guys are a total turn-on. Like,
Instant Wood.

Posted by JoetheCynic | September 26, 2008 5:43 PM

I think I'd be a great gay friend for Palin... and, being a Canadian, I can teach her all about foreign policy.

(Because, according to her interview with Couric, bordering a country automatically equips you with magical knowledge!)

Posted by Jason | September 27, 2008 8:18 AM

Brilliant. Now our godless no value children can now learn the fine art in witch burning and moose hunting.

Posted by Thor | September 27, 2008 10:14 AM

Brillient. Now our godless no value children can now learn the fine art in witch burning and moose hunting.

Posted by Thor | September 27, 2008 10:14 AM

Palin should ask the Log Cabinettes. They'd suck up to her like me on a photo of Aaron Ekhart. Make that a 30 year old Aaron Ekhart climbing out of the pool wet and dripping with his muscles all flexed.

The problem with the Log Cabins is they'd be too enthusiastic. They'd want to move in and redo her house in raging vulgarity, and probably replace the moose rug with a nylon runner. Sarah would never put up with that. She's had that rug ever since she gutted the moose as a lesson in table manners to her 1 year old.

Posted by WillBFair | September 27, 2008 10:12 PM

I have been a fan of DS since the comic book days. And I'd vote for SP if she were to take him up on his offer (well, probably not)but I bet they wouldn't even consider it.

Posted by ontheside | September 28, 2008 1:10 PM

Dan Savage's original post is factually incorrect. In the Advocate article, Jamie Kirchick found evidence for one potential gay friend of Sarah Palin's, though he wasn't able to confirm it. To be fair, Kirchick isn't intimately familiar with Alaska's gay and lesbian community, a situation I suspect would be true for most of us in "the lower 48." Also, the two sources he seems to have consulted -- a left-wing gay rights organization and a gay bar in Anchorage -- are not necessarily ideal places to learn about Palin's gay friends in Juneau, where she currently lives. Juneau, you see, is more than five hundred miles away from Anchorage. You can only get there by air or over water.

Usually, when a straight person mentions that some of his or her friends are gay, we generally don't ask for that gay friend's name, address and social security number. And I think we can safely give Palin the benefit of the doubt here, too. Even in Alaska, she and her family would have to live in near-total seclusion not to have at least one gay or lesbian friend nowadays. That's progress.

Posted by Tim Hulsey | September 28, 2008 11:12 PM

How long has she been married to Todd? Just wondering about that 30 year figure and to whom "she" might refer.

Posted by Laurel | September 30, 2008 5:12 PM

Note to Tim Hulsey: stop being an apologist. If Sarah-cuda has known a Lesbian (or a Gay woman) for over 30 years, this woman would be from Wasilla, not Juneau. Having been to Alaska several times and formed social ties with a number of Queers people there in my quest to relocate there some day, I think it's pretty safe to say that if this friendship existed, someone else would know and would validate it gladly, if quietly.

As for Sarah's need of Queers in her life, it seems that she could use a Daddy Bear to offer her guidance, along with a good swat when she's done something really stupid, like taking the VP nod in the first place.

Posted by greatwhitebear | September 30, 2008 7:15 PM

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