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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

What Sarah Palin Needs to Say During Her Speech Tonight

posted by on September 3 at 16:48 PM


“I decline.”

Sarah Palin’s speech tonight is, technically speaking, an acceptance speech. She’s here to accept her party’s nomination for vice president. Of course, her party didn’t nominate her; McCain choose her name out of hat late last week when the religious right made it clear that there would be blood in the streets of St. Paul if McCain dared to nominate either of his pro-choice first picks, Joe Lieberman and Tom Ridge.

And we all know how well that’s worked out. While the McCainiacs are putting on a brave face, and while Republican wanking heads are saying one thing in private and another thing in public, and while the “base,” those right-wing delegates you’re seeing on the teevee are ecstatic, Palin has been a disaster. The pregnant teenage kid, troopergate, a corruption investigation, the Alaska Independence Party, Jews for Jesus, and on and on. The woman either wasn’t vetted or lied her ass off during what little vetting was done.

So here’s what Palin should do: Open by thanking John McCain for the honor of being nominated, thank her family for their love and support, wax poetic about the progress that Hillary’s historic run and her nomination both represent—for the country, for her party (the Dems nominated a woman for VP years ago)—and then Palin should say that, as much as she would love to accept the nomination, as qualified as she knows she is to be vice president, as much as she would love to run… she has to focus on her family right now. And Palin should selflessly decline the nomination.

Imagine the pandemonium. Imagine the news stories. Imagine the freakin’ headlines. If the speech is calibrated just right, if it hits all the right notes, Palin will look like a good soldier falling on her sword… and she’ll be setting herself up for a political resurrection four, eight, or twelve years from now.

RSS icon Comments


I have a feeling she will. Then he can nominate Larry Craig.

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 3, 2008 4:51 PM

for the love of christ! stop giving the enemy good ideas!

Posted by adrian | September 3, 2008 4:58 PM

You, fuck, is what's wrong with this country right now. You can't put aside your lefty, homo, partisan, bullshit and analyze the situation for what it is.

Posted by Will | September 3, 2008 4:58 PM

Please God. If you're there.
Tell her to stop.

Posted by Hannah | September 3, 2008 4:59 PM

No, no, no! She needs to hang around McCain's neck like a rotting albatross and drag the whole party into the bottomless depths of oblivion. Like a... a really heavy dead albatross-anchor-type thingy.

Posted by banjoboy | September 3, 2008 4:59 PM

I think there's a lot of fuel remaining in the tank of the Palin Clown Car.

Posted by Karlheinz Arschbomber | September 3, 2008 5:00 PM
Posted by mnm | September 3, 2008 5:01 PM

In reality, it will look exactly like Britney Spears' MTV Video Music Awards performance.

Posted by elenchos | September 3, 2008 5:04 PM

I would really like Will@4's help in analyzing the situation for what it is, quite aside from all my lefty, homo, partisan, bullshit.

Correct me if my analysis is wrong Will: The "situation" is that only a moose-hunting Jew-hating nation-seceding earmark-grabbing political newcomer who has an infant with birth defects and an unmarried pregnant teenage daughter can save this country from the mess we're in.

Am I close?

Posted by Gurldoggie | September 3, 2008 5:09 PM

The only error McCain made was not picking her sooner -- like at least a month ago.

Posted by John Bailo | September 3, 2008 5:14 PM

For once, John, you and I agree. This is too good! I wish it had started sooner as well.

Posted by Greg | September 3, 2008 5:24 PM

Speaking as Democrats, I think most of us would agree the best thing Palin could say is "I accept".

Posted by joe | September 3, 2008 5:27 PM

We don't want her to be resurrected. We want her OUT. This woman tried to ban books for crying out loud.

Posted by east coaster | September 3, 2008 5:28 PM

Dan, Here. Here. I only wish Caribou Barbie had the balls to do what's right, dare I say it, like Harriet Miers and decline the position.

Unfortunately, like George W, the bar for Sarah P is set rather low. She need do nothing other than not fall down for her speech to be considered a home run, slap shot and slam dunk all rolled into one.

Posted by Drawmark | September 3, 2008 5:28 PM

Is there a betting pool going? I'm with Dan on this one.

Posted by wench | September 3, 2008 5:32 PM

She needs to say "I accept", followed by "Godless Communists want to harvest the organs of your children to power their spaceships! To the hills!"

Posted by Fnarf | September 3, 2008 5:35 PM

That'd be nice.

But what I REALLY want to see is Levi get drunk and carted out of the convention by cops. And we're almost due for another Palin related revelation. It's been, what? 4 hours?

Posted by mkyorai | September 3, 2008 5:48 PM

No! I can't imagine an election without Sarah "Hooker Heels" Palin in it! Isn't it enough that McCain will lose no matter who his VP nominee is? Can't it at least be entertaining while he's going down?

Posted by whatevernevermind | September 3, 2008 5:54 PM

Regardless of what happens to Gov. Palin this entire episode is a huge stain on McCain. His first major decision as a Presidential nominee and he fumbled the ball big time. He is not qualified to be president of the United States of American. He lacks the judgement and temprament necessary when one has the potential to annihilate the world at your fingertips.

No way, no how, No McCain.

Posted by mreddiefather | September 3, 2008 5:54 PM

Dan--you're on crack. If that happens, they'll nominate some moderate (her saying it was only the hounding of her personal life that made her quit, not that she is crazy), the base will be all energized and enraged that Their Princess Sara was driven out, and all the pissed off Republicans (hello, Peggy Noonan?) will sigh and open their wallets and come out to vote.

Posted by Dean P | September 3, 2008 5:56 PM

Clearly she won't decline, because that would indicate that McCain made an error, and we've all learned in the last eight years that Republican's don't make mistakes.

Posted by John | September 3, 2008 5:58 PM

Not in a million years will she decline. If she had even the tiniest amount of class and humility, she would have declined in private. Let's wait and see what the Enquirer digs up on her and her husband's business partner.

Posted by Demolator | September 3, 2008 6:05 PM

mkyorai, Levi throwin' down the gloves would be awesome! That sumbitch ain't going down without a fight.

Posted by Drawmark | September 3, 2008 6:06 PM

man, the enquirer (Dirt Now?) must be seeking some hot pics of these kids for the next issue. Alaskan redneck pics never went for such a high price, I'll bet...

Posted by torrentprime | September 3, 2008 6:11 PM

Goddamnit. I am listening to Mike Huckabee and I want to blow my brains out. The GOP is still putting up the front that Democrats will raise taxes, take away freedom, and try to make us into Europe.

They talk about how dems are all government,government,government.


Posted by Original Monique | September 3, 2008 6:34 PM

Does anyone see how sexist this post is? She is a competent, working, MOTHER. We invented multitasking, people. Don't make me drop the woman-hating card...I will.

Posted by Mrs. Lucky | September 3, 2008 7:05 PM

oh, and Will @4 - there are about 10 of us Will's on here - you have to choose a nickname - like Will HA or Will STL (St Louis) or Will in Florida or Will in Seattle or Will in 98103.


Posted by Will in Seattle | September 3, 2008 7:06 PM

Doesn't anyone realize how sexist this post really is? She is a capable, working, mother. Don't make me pull out the woman-hating card...because I will!

Posted by Mrs. Lucky | September 3, 2008 7:08 PM

Speaking of Tom Ridge, Pennsylvania breathed a sigh of relief when he was called to D.C. for federal goodness. All that able Department of Homeland Security creation he's done. He was an incompetent governor.

Posted by Amelia | September 4, 2008 1:36 AM

How stupid must Democrats feel right now?
Who decided it would be a good strategy to kick a Mama Bear?

Sarah Barracuda devoured her prey.

Posted by jbenson2 | September 5, 2008 9:46 AM

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