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Thursday, September 11, 2008

What Can You See From Where You Are?

posted by on September 11 at 17:12 PM

Sarah Palin believes she’s qualified to be president because you can see Russia—actual land in actual Russia—from an Alaskan island somewhere.

First off, does anyone know if Palin has ever been to this island and actually seen Russia from it? That would seem to be relevant, right? And following Palin’s line of reasoning…

What about those astronauts on the Space Station? They can see every country on earth from up there. We could avoid all this presidential election unpleasantness if we just made one of them King of the World. And, hey, right now I can see Seattle Central Community College from my office window. Guess that qualifies me to be dean—maybe of SCCC, maybe of a rival school because, you know, Russia’s our enemy and shit.

And if I lean out my window I can see a Washington State Liquor Store—gee, I guess that qualifies me to sit on the Washington State Liquor Control Board and make up all sorts new liquor regulations for Washington state! I henceforth decree that all Jägermeister shots served in Washington must be filtered through the dirty jock straps of high-school wrestlers! Anybody that gets to the front of the beer line at Safeco Field and doesn’t know what beer they want shall henceforth be banned from the ballpark along with lip-lockin’ lesbians and douchebags in “Yankees Suck!” t-shirts! No more fences around beer gardens at public festivals! Jello shots must be made with chemical castration drugs! That smokin’ hot bartender at that one bar must work shirtless!

What can you see from where you’re at?

RSS icon Comments


I'm looking up. This makes me King of the Sky.

Posted by flamingbanjo | September 11, 2008 5:16 PM

The Olympic Mountains!

Posted by Middleman | September 11, 2008 5:19 PM

i can see my neighbor's roof, which I believe entitles me to go over there, drink her beer, and boot her yappy dog in the ribs.

Posted by JK | September 11, 2008 5:20 PM

Sometimes, when you walk down the hall, I can see you, Dan. So this must make me your boss! Go get me a vanilla latte.

Posted by Megan Seling | September 11, 2008 5:20 PM

I can see a film crew shooting a movie. I believe that qualifies me to direct. Actually, in Hollywood, that actually counts as experience.

Posted by Beau | September 11, 2008 5:20 PM

the port of seattle. make me a port commissioner - i truly believe i could do just as well!

Posted by max solomon | September 11, 2008 5:24 PM

I see a hospital. I want to be on the board of the AMA!

Posted by RainMan | September 11, 2008 5:26 PM

I can see Benaroya Hall from my office. I will be replacing Gerard Schwarz.

Posted by levide | September 11, 2008 5:30 PM

Hey! I can see Russia with Google Earth, so, when can I start my new job as Secretary of Defense?

Posted by Sad Comment | September 11, 2008 5:30 PM

I can see my dogs. I must be the ruler of the animal kingdom!

I can also see the guy painting my balcony. I must be the the president of Mexico!

Posted by Karla | September 11, 2008 5:32 PM

Currently, I can see Iron Chef, which clearly makes me a gourmet chef.

Posted by Abby | September 11, 2008 5:32 PM

Sorry folks, I'm up in an office building in Portland and I can see mountains in Washington from here. I think that makes me King of Washington. Or maybe it means I'm governor of Oregon and can take y'all on in a very small war.

Posted by ryan | September 11, 2008 5:33 PM

I see the mean streets of Baltimore outside my window. So I guess I could be police chief or something.

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | September 11, 2008 5:34 PM

I can see dozens of obese Americans and a big green hill on the island of Kauai in Hawaii. This qualifies me as Annexation Embassador and Minister of Health.

Posted by shelmac | September 11, 2008 5:35 PM

I can see coolio's house, that qualifies me to...ah...ah...something I'm sure.

@11 I'm working on Iron Chef. That qualifies me to fire you.

Posted by frankie skittles | September 11, 2008 5:39 PM

I see this blog. Which I guess makes me smart enough and witty enough to write it. Except I'm neither of these things.

Which is your point, isn't it?

Posted by Tracy | September 11, 2008 5:41 PM

The entire downtown area of Vancouver, BC. (My company takes up the 9th floor of a tower--and I mean, a circular, bell-tower-on-top tower--downtown, and we even have a patio.)

So I guess I'm mayor now. My lack of citizenship can surely be spun by my PR staff as an asset, right?

Posted by Cow | September 11, 2008 5:46 PM

I can see tracy's post which makes me boss of slog, so tracy...pack your things, you are so fired!

Posted by Sad Comment | September 11, 2008 5:50 PM

I can see the UW. I'm a perfessor now!

I can also see the water. Guess who's Aquaman now!

(Me. That's who, bitches. Me. I'm thinking at fish.)

Posted by Monty Houseman | September 11, 2008 5:52 PM

Yes! Thanks for appointing me President of Harvard University, Ms. Palin! Palin/McCain 08!! The $35.5 billion dollar endowment will fund so much abstinence in this country it's not even funny.

(And thanks to Dan for pointing out my new position, of course. Dan Savage = a better, self-esteem-boostier version of

Posted by LatteSippinSteve | September 11, 2008 5:55 PM

I just saw myself get fired. I have no idea what expertise that brings to me.

Posted by Tracy | September 11, 2008 5:59 PM

I can see Thomas Street Park, Columbia Tower, 2 Union Square, City Center, and the old WaMu Tower.

I don't know what this means, other than my apartment is kind of rad. Maybe I can run the Parks Department and kick out the hooligans that skateboard outside my window at 1am. Get off my lawn!

Posted by w7ngman | September 11, 2008 6:03 PM

I see London, I see France, now I can see that I am..... Captain Underpants!

Posted by The Captain | September 11, 2008 6:13 PM

If I stand on my roof I can see Mt. Ranier.

I wanna be American!

No. Not really.

Posted by DLF | September 11, 2008 6:18 PM

I can see across the street to my professor's house. Clearly I'm a law school faculty member.

Also, I am watching Barack Obama on TV. Thus, I am married to Michelle Obama! Yay!

Posted by Michelle in OH | September 11, 2008 6:23 PM

If I look up on a dark night, I can see literally billions and billions of stars, and hundreds of billions of galaxies -

- which evidently, now makes me either an astronomer, an astrophysicist, or God.

Posted by COMTE | September 11, 2008 6:24 PM

I can see a float plane. I'm a pilot!

Posted by moonface | September 11, 2008 6:24 PM

There are both a fire hydrant and a street drain within 30 feet of my front window, so clearly it's a decree from God that I'm fit to be Seattle Fire Chief and Director of Utilities.

Posted by Kaypro | September 11, 2008 6:25 PM

If I lean waaaaaay out of my office doorway, I can see the Bay - Oakland, Berkeley, Marin County, etc. All now under my jurisdiction.

Posted by Dougsf | September 11, 2008 6:27 PM

I can see the Mexican border. I am annexing Baja California as the 51st state and naming myself Reina de la Puerto Penasco.

Posted by yucca flower | September 11, 2008 6:32 PM

I'm looking at Teh Internets, therefore I invented Teh Internets.

Posted by Cookie W. Monster | September 11, 2008 6:32 PM

Somebody bring me the naugural jello shots.

Posted by yucca flower | September 11, 2008 6:34 PM

The Inaugural jello shots without the chemical castration drugs of course.

Posted by yucca flower | September 11, 2008 6:36 PM

What do I see from where I'm at?

A sentence ending with a preposition... Which qualifies me to be a professor of English, I suppose.

Posted by mkyorai | September 11, 2008 6:47 PM

There was a time when that would have made you Carl Sagan.

Posted by Sad Comment | September 11, 2008 7:12 PM

I can see my asshole - I must work for Fox!

Posted by Bill-O | September 11, 2008 7:14 PM

i can see aurora avenue..that makes me a ho.

Posted by reverend dr dj riz | September 11, 2008 7:27 PM

I just had to have my eyes dilated, so everything is really bright. I believe this makes me the new head of Mensa (and boy do I find myself irritating).

Posted by leek | September 11, 2008 7:33 PM

I can see a can of Diet Coke, which clearly makes me CEO of Coca-Cola. Fucking rad!

I can also see an iPod, which makes me Steve Jobs, I suppose.

Posted by Aya | September 11, 2008 7:35 PM

I can see Fed-Ex, "The Independent Collegian", "University Bookstore", and Ferdo's. Sweet, I own a delivery service, a college newspaper, college bookstore (never have to buy ridiculously priced mechanical pencils again!), and a Mediterranean restaurant, which I think a few people have been murdered in. I think I'll own that hot guy down the hall too, because he just walked by.

Posted by Leslie N. | September 11, 2008 7:35 PM

I can't tell you, but I know it's mine.

Posted by Chris B | September 11, 2008 7:37 PM

If I were to stand on the roof of my building, I could see Barack Obama's house.

Hey! I'm the future President!

Posted by Jennifer in Chicago | September 11, 2008 7:39 PM

I can see Safeco Field, that means I'm smarter than Bill Bavasi and John McLaren. But you knew that already.

Posted by kebabs | September 11, 2008 7:49 PM

I see all your comments... therefore you and all your dominions belong to me!

Posted by east coaster | September 11, 2008 7:51 PM

This is actually pretty much the whole plot of Yertle The Turtle by Dr. Seuss ...

Posted by Jenny | September 11, 2008 8:11 PM

I can see the UT tower from here. Clearly, I am the dean of UT now.

Posted by Elizabeth | September 11, 2008 8:25 PM

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.

Posted by Wisepunk | September 11, 2008 8:34 PM

I can see books, clearly I'm an award winning author!

This was a fun post, Dan.

Posted by ebon | September 11, 2008 9:08 PM

I can see my beer and cookies and mail, clearly I am the president of Pyramid, the CEO of Trader Joe's, and both the director of the USPS and KUOW's volunteer service.

And I can see my copy of the Oprah Home magazine, holy shit I MUST BE OPRAH!

Posted by Jessica | September 11, 2008 10:27 PM

I can see the darkness of the night. I'm BATMAN!

Posted by Papayas | September 11, 2008 10:31 PM

I would be much more comfortable with someone from Nome being VP candidate.

Juneau isn't that close to Alaska at all, really.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | September 11, 2008 10:34 PM

I think she nailed this interview. I mean, before all we knew is that Alaska was close to Russia. Now we find out you can actually see it??? Charlie wasn't expecting that bombshell.

Any questions I had about her FP credentials are answered. Let's vote her in have a beer and watch as she blows up the world Blues Brothers style--"on a mission from God".

Posted by Concerned Canadian | September 11, 2008 11:14 PM

Aw, shit, I'm in the basement..

Posted by Justin | September 11, 2008 11:22 PM

I can see Sarah Palin's deep brown eyes.

I think she's full of it.

Posted by Will in Seattle | September 11, 2008 11:44 PM

My grandfather was in the air force and during the Korean war was stationed on an Alaskan island where he could look over into Russia and watch Russian planes take off and land. After the war he did not run for VP, but he did become a con man and dupe a lot of people out of their money.

I saw a rock band play tonight. I am now a musician, buy my record.

Posted by Seatattle | September 12, 2008 12:14 AM

I can see New York Harbor, from the Verrezzano Narrows Bridge to the sourthern tip of Manhattan.

I see oil tankers in the harbor, a storage tank farm on S.I. and the refinery in Bayonne, NJ, and the coolant water discharged from the Indian Point Nuclear Power Station, and in the daytime, the sun, so obviously I'm the world's leading expert on energy and energy policy.

I see the Statue of Liberty, so I'm also Head of the National Park Service. And, I can see the ugly Nasdaq building, so I should be head of the SEC, too. Oh, and planes landing and taking off at Newark Airport, so toss in the FAA while you're at it. I can also see Jersey City, but we don't talk about that.

Posted by Brooklyn Reader | September 12, 2008 12:46 AM

Michael Palin of Monty Python has been to Little Diomede. So I guess the answer to your first question, Dan, is yes.

Posted by asteria | September 12, 2008 1:03 AM

I always see these posts too late because I'm in England. Which means I'm the Queen, so I can go ahead and post anytime I like.

Posted by Kristen | September 12, 2008 3:14 AM

I see Hollywood day in, day out, almost every day, sometimes all day.

But don't blame me if you don't like the fall season or think Cameron Diaz is overpaid. I only took over all of Western pop culture today.

Posted by whatevernevermind | September 12, 2008 3:31 AM

I can see your house from here.

Posted by Matt In Southampton | September 12, 2008 4:50 AM

I can see The University of California Medical Center -guess that makes me a brain surgeon.

But seriously and I really hate to say this folks-I never thought I'd ever see anyone that would make Geo W look almost intelligent ....she even makes -- Cheney almost look OK . NO WAY Sister Sarah can get the codes and her hand on the red button ...

Posted by Jokanaan | September 12, 2008 5:14 AM

I can see the State Department, so I guess that makes me Secretary of State. First order of business, some serious Fabreezing to get rid of the stench in my office.

Posted by Sikes | September 12, 2008 6:16 AM

Everything I see is so boring I can't think of anything witty. Sorry Slog.

My job sucks.

Posted by Mike in MO | September 12, 2008 6:34 AM

I can see the Capitol Dome and Senate Office Buildings, so I guess I could be Senator, only DC doesn't get a vote, so I guess I'm already DC's Senator. Thus, by extension of being DC's Senator, I can be President. Maybe I should invite Hillary to be my VP.

Posted by Scott | September 12, 2008 6:51 AM

I can see the state Legislative Building. And it is real close. I can also see the big fountain on the Capital Campus. So I get to decide between being governor and being a stone nymph with water spouting out of my mouth. I'll let you know what I decide.

Posted by Postman | September 12, 2008 7:20 AM

I can see that you've missed one small detail, she's been nominated for VICE President, not President. The qualifications for that are a bit lower.

Posted by Art | September 12, 2008 7:40 AM

I can see my cat, so that makes me Siegfried & Roy.

Posted by E | September 12, 2008 7:59 AM

I can see Capitol Hill from my office, so yeahhhhh guess that shit is mine.

I can also see the timestamp from the last post. TIME IS THE ENEMY! SHOOT IT!

Posted by Original Monique | September 12, 2008 8:18 AM

There a couple of islands in Alaska where a person could potentially see Russian soil, but I'd guess Palin is talking about the Diomede islands, which are located is the Bering strait (the body of water that runs between the westernmost part of the mainland Alaska and the easternmost part of mainland Siberia). One of the Diomedes belongs to Alaska, and the other to Russia, and they're about 2.4 miles apart.

Seeing as how the American Diomede (pop. approximately 150) is foggy, windy, crazy remote -- not to mention incredibly expensive to access -- it seems unlikely Palin would have visited in her 18 months as governor. According to our friends at Wikipedia, when Ted Stevens traveled there in 2002, he was the first statewide elected official to do so. His comment upon landing? "I did not realize you were so remote."

Posted by Kalakalot | September 12, 2008 8:50 AM

I see trees and grass. I guess I'm Mother Nature, and I'm in favour of a refundable deposit for plastic bags.

Posted by Charm | September 12, 2008 8:58 AM

I can see a church. Am I now the pastor? sweet

Posted by nos | September 12, 2008 9:50 AM

I can see the old Rainier brewery and the ST maintenance building, so I guess that makes me a brewer / train driver / coffee roaster. I'll be holding tastings as soon as I set up my fermenting tanks in one of the train cars.

Posted by Greg | September 12, 2008 9:57 AM

I can see the Gates Foundation, so I guess I must be qualified to lead the world's largest philanthropic organization. I can also see a Fred Hutch building, so I suppose I can do some cancer research on the side, too.

Posted by McSame-Paney '08 | September 12, 2008 10:34 AM

Oooo, I can see my university's administrative building! I guess that makes me president of the university. I think I just gave myself a 4.0 GPA and a fuck tonne of cash.

Posted by Beth | September 12, 2008 11:58 AM

I can see a photo of Barack Obama so that makes me qualified to be a ahh ahhh ahhh well errr ahhhh I mean ummmmm (DAMN - where's the teleprompter??!!)

Posted by Eddy | September 12, 2008 1:58 PM

I live in Anchorage, so I see Alaska. I'M GOVERNOR NOW SARAH. Now get your sorry ass back to that shithole called Wasilla

Posted by Jennifer | September 12, 2008 2:19 PM

Our apartment faces the Maryland State Office Complex in Baltimore. I'm the governor! And I just appointed my girlfriend lieutenant governor, or maybe comptroller of the treasury. We're gonna get us some marriage equality now, boy howdy.

Posted by willendorf | September 12, 2008 5:22 PM

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