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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Sarah Palin, Joe Eszterhas, and God

posted by on September 3 at 10:14 AM

Jesus Christ—what did I think/talk/read about before “the clown car that is Sarah Palin” (rightfully) took over all human consciousness?

Oh yeah—this, which brings me to something I’ve been meaning to Slog for days, but I kept getting sidetracked by some new hilarious twist in Palingate: Joe Eszterhas has written a book about his spiritual rebirth.

From the nation’s preeminent dispensary of Eszterhasenalia, the Toledo Blade:

Joe Eszterhas’ latest book is a shocker, but not the kind that made him rich and famous. The [new] release from the man who penned dark thrillers such as Basic Instinct and Jagged Edge [and this!] tells the story of his spiritual conversion and his newfound devotion to God and family.

Of course I’m tempted to say something snarky, but you can’t blast a dude for being a boneheaded cro-magnon man then get uppity when he starts taking baby steps toward evolution.

But still:

“Frankly my life changed from the moment God entered my heart. I’m not interested in the darkness anymore,” [Eszterhas} said. “I’ve got four gorgeous boys, a wife I adore, I love being alive, and I love and enjoy every moment of my life. My view has brightened and I don’t want to go back into that dark place.”

Dear God: Please inspire Joe Eszterhas to make a movie of the Bible. Amen.

We now return to previously scheduled obsessing over Palin…

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Now this, my friends, is jouralism:

Bristol Palin's baby daddy is 'psyched' to be father, says his pal

The cold-country hockey jock who knocked up the 17-year-old daughter of Sen. John McCain's running mate is "psyched" to be a baby daddy, his pals said.

A day after 18-year-old Levi Johnston was revealed as the future father of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's grandchild, his closest friends touted him as a standup dude.

"Of course he is psyched to be a father," said Blake Weiland, 18. "I mean he loves the idea of being a father and raising a child."

Posted by John Bailo | September 3, 2008 10:15 AM

Gee, nobody's ever done anything like this before. Maybe millions? Might as well have stayed a drunk smokin' the cigs. God is so boring.

Posted by Mr. Poe | September 3, 2008 10:16 AM

I'm John McCain, and I approve of Sarah Palin's hot fundy booty.

Matter of fact, in my mind, I'm groping it right now.

And no, I don't feel like letting it go.

Posted by The Incredible Sulk | September 3, 2008 10:22 AM

i can't believe no one here has mentioned repug co-chair's "sarah pawlenty" freudian slip at the rnc yesterday. or you did and i somehow missed it...?

Posted by ellarosa | September 3, 2008 10:35 AM

Showgirls made me see God too...oh he doesn't mean THAT way?? Nevermind.

Posted by TheTruthHurths | September 3, 2008 10:54 AM

Unlike Dipshit Bailo, I'll try to stay on topic: Old Testament, please. Leviticus preferred. I want to see people being stoned to death for cutting their beards or having their menstrual period in the wrong place. Or maybe this passage from Genesis 27:11, the finest in all the Bible: "And Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, Behold, Esau my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man"

Posted by Fnarf | September 3, 2008 11:00 AM

Your z needs a little shifting there, lad.

Posted by The return of SPB | September 3, 2008 11:01 AM

7: Holy crap! Fixed now.

Posted by David Schmader | September 3, 2008 11:12 AM

Wow, this means that God is even better than cocaine! Who knew?

Posted by Westside forever | September 3, 2008 11:17 AM

Eszterhas should make a movie of Anne Rice's novel about Jesus. That's a match made in heaven (hah).

Posted by stresskitten | September 3, 2008 11:36 AM

God wants all the smart people to get preggers.

Which leaves most fundies out of the equation.

Posted by Will in Seattle | September 3, 2008 12:33 PM

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