Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« Required Reading | Urine is Sterile »

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Every 401K Deserves a Mother and a Father

posted by on September 30 at 10:23 AM

Well, now it all makes sense. What’s to blame for our financial crisis? Lax regulation of the banking industry? Batshitcrazy loans? Inept oversight? Of course not. It’s the gays! We did it!

No, wait—you did it! Straight people! By failing to be intolerant enough of the gays, America incurred God’s righteous and totally awesome wrath. “The financial crisis facing Wall Street is a symptom of America’s sinful sexual culture, including the acceptance of gay unions,” says a prominentish Christian leader. “I am not saying I know whether this financial crisis is God’s judgment or not. It is not for me to know that definitively.”

So how do we get our economy back on track? Forget the bailout! Forget re-regulating the banking and financial industries! All we gotta do is ban abortion and “non-profit groups supporting it” (God hates the First Amendment!), ban gay marriage and domestic partnerships and civil unions for same-sex couples, and then God will allow the credit crunch to end.

Via PamsHouseBlend.

RSS icon Comments


Can we please stop giving free publicity to the views of these odious motherfuckers?

Posted by Greg | September 30, 2008 10:35 AM

Awesome! Now I can stop paying taxes!

Posted by crazycatguy | September 30, 2008 10:48 AM

remember when you posted about this yesterday?

Posted by ghost of slogs past? | September 30, 2008 10:48 AM

keep it up and Pat Robertson will sick a hurricane on your ass

Posted by m@ | September 30, 2008 10:52 AM

And the fucking fundies think we're batshit crazy? Fuck them. I don't like to celebrate when people die, but my then-roommate and I did shots when Jerry Falwell kicked it.

Posted by snark | September 30, 2008 11:01 AM

it's called petard, and we shall let them foist themselves upon it. every time they say wack shit like this, it alienates them from the average joe who might have harbored some vaguely annoyed thoughts about uppity gays and minorities--until he hears how crazy it can really sound.

Posted by ellarosa | September 30, 2008 11:09 AM

"The financial crisis facing Wall Street is a symptom of America’s sinful sexual culture"

Uhhh... Paging Dr. Freud?

Posted by raisedbywolves | September 30, 2008 11:09 AM

What is up with all these people who think an omnipotent god needs to operate through politics to get his will enacted? Like he won't get his way unless candidate X gets in there, or he shows his wrath by destabilizing the stock market. That's a pretty wimpy brand of omnipotence, that is.

The God I remember from the Old Testament didn't show his anger by making the Dow Jones fall a couple hundred points, he showed his anger by wiping entire cities off the face of the Earth or, if he was really pissed, flooding the entire planet. If all God's doing is monkeying with the stock market, he must not be all that angry about the gays.

These people need to get their stories straight.

Posted by flamingbanjo | September 30, 2008 11:10 AM

If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Matthew 19:21.

Posted by wow | September 30, 2008 11:10 AM

God is just pissed he can't naked short anymore - dude was totally working the system up until then!

Posted by COMTE | September 30, 2008 12:17 PM

Scapegoating for Jesus. Plays well and gets you lots of money. Financial crisis averted.

Posted by Vince | September 30, 2008 1:44 PM

Comments Closed

Comments are closed on this post.