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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Free to Be Sexy and Borderline Retarded

posted by on August 26 at 18:35 PM

For my column in the upcoming issue, I tackle The House Bunny, which is quite obviously the worst movie ever AND I REALLY SERIOUSLY MEAN IT THIS TIME, YOU GUYS*.


You can read a bunch of words in all-caps about how it chafes my lady parts (and by lady parts I mean FEMINISM) tomorrow when the paper comes out, but for now, here are two things I didn’t have the space to include:

1. The House Bunny marks the big-screen acting debuts of singing wig stand Katharine McPhee AND If They Mated poster child Rumer Willis. Um, why is it my responsibility to sit through the acting debuts of people who are famous for other things that aren’t acting (i.e. televised karaoke, celebrity chins)? Can’t they debut their acting somewhere in private? GOD.

2. The House Bunny was directed by one Fred Wolf (his second feature, after Strange Wilderness) who was previously best known as the animator of beloved 1970s morality tales The Point! and Free to Be You and Me**. SAY, FRED WOLF! Didn’t you learn anything in the ’70s? Didn’t you learn that boys can play with dolls, and girls can run fast and be construction workers, and it’s all right to cry because crying gets the sad out of you, and that mommies are PEOPLE (people with children)!? Because I couldn’t help but notice that The House Bunny, which you directed in 2008, is the most backward, sexist sack of shit in the history of hot pink.

How would Marlo Thomas feel about this? My money’s on sad, grumpy, and down-in-the-dumpy.

*Wait - no I don’t.

**And because it came up during the writing of this post, and I am amused by its existence, here is a picture of an Alan Alda Impersonator.

UPDATE: Fuck!/Thank God! My friend Tom writes, “But Lindy, Isn’t the House Bunny director Fred Wolf different from the ’60s and ’70s animator Fred Wolf?” Well Tom, the Wikipedia page for House Bunny links to the Wikipedia page for Fred Wolf, animator, which is what got me all confused. But the imdb page for Fred Wolf (II), director of House Bunny, bears no mention of ’60s and ’70s animation. My guess is that there are, indeed, TWO Fred Wolfs (three if you count theoretical physicist Fred Alan Wolf), and only one of them totally sucks. Which means this post is totally irrelevant now, but fuck it! I’m not taking that Rosey Grier video down for anything. Carry on!

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Is it cruel and selfish of me to hope that you get assigned all the worst movies in the world to review just because I enjoy reading those reviews so much?

Posted by flamingbanjo | August 26, 2008 6:41 PM

Fucking Rosey Grier. What a man. Just two brief facts about him, besides the fact that he's reassuring you it's alright to cry:

* He was the body guard for Robert F. Kennedy, who subdued Sirhan Sirhan, and took his gun away.

* He wrote a book titled "Rosey Grier's Needlepoint for Men."

Posted by MonkeyNose | August 26, 2008 6:59 PM

I've been wanting to see this movie every since they put the poster up at Kent Station AMC 14.

Posted by John Bailo | August 26, 2008 7:15 PM

Wow! I haven't seen this video since the fourth grade, but the song occasionally runs through my head when I'm out riding my bike, kinda like "Last Train to Clarksville" and various Colgate jingles from the late 70s, early 80s.

Did anyone else see this in the 4th grade too?

Posted by TVDinner | August 26, 2008 7:49 PM

Stop using "retarded" for things you don't like.

You know why it's just stop it, dammit.

Posted by Hartiepie | August 26, 2008 8:00 PM

The Point was terrific. We named our dog Oblio for it. Harry Nilsson did the music.

Posted by Fnarf | August 26, 2008 8:06 PM

That girl looks exactly like Bonnie Hunt, only stupid.

Posted by amp | August 26, 2008 8:06 PM

Hartiepie is fucking retarded.

Posted by Staind | August 26, 2008 9:01 PM

Lindy, you're quickly becoming the only reason I pick up the stranger every week. Don't let retarded people tell you what to do.

Posted by Flash Gordon | August 26, 2008 9:08 PM

I fucking love Rosey Grier. I remember watching this in school. =)

Posted by wench | August 26, 2008 10:19 PM

Alan Alda IMPERSONATION by the great British comedian Peter Serafiniwicz:

Posted by Chefgirl | August 26, 2008 10:26 PM

Relying heavily on Wikipedia, tsk tsk tsk

minus that you're totes brill!

Posted by Non | August 27, 2008 7:25 AM

@12: What are you, British?

Posted by Greg | August 27, 2008 8:33 AM

The Fred Wolf who directed the movie is a comedian who used to be a writer on Saturday Night Live; he also co-hosted a talk show with Paul Provenza on Comedy Central years ago. And this isn't Rumer Willis' debut... imdb will tell you she's done a few flicks before this... Glad to know fact checking is still an important part of "journalism" in the digital age.

Posted by carbon14 | August 27, 2008 8:44 AM

I used to get the Stranger some weeks just in the hope of a Lindy West article, but your research on this one was, well, a bit retarded.

The Fred Wolf that directed this stupid flick (check for more stupid works) would have only been about 7 when The Point and Free to Be... came out - oh, and those were actually good.

Still, I love your work Lindy - anyone who cahmpions the multi-talented Rosey Grier is AOK in my book.

Posted by ReverendZ | August 27, 2008 8:48 AM

Has Katharine McPhee lost a lot of weight? It's too bad; she used to be so hot.

Posted by Greg | August 27, 2008 8:55 AM

The commercials and trailers have looked horrid but I was assuming that it was all tongue in cheek and not actually that retarded...I guess the lowest common demoninator won out.

I'm guessing that this movie is to women, what "Another Gay Movie" is for gay men...

Posted by michael strangeways | August 27, 2008 9:11 AM

i thought 'house bunny' was hysterical and didn't stop laughing the whole time. i thought they were making fun of sexism in the best possible ways. i'll probably watch it again.

Posted by kim | August 27, 2008 9:51 AM

Yeah, I know Rumer Willis played her mom's daughter in Striptease and someone else in one episode of something-or-other. I guess I meant her big-screen acting debut in a movie that doesn't star either of her parents, and in which we have to look at her/listen to her talk for a substantial length of time. Sorry I let you down, Rumer Willis fans!

And yes, @14 and 15, I am also capable of reading the imdb page for Fred Wolf (II). Hence the update.

Posted by Lindy | August 27, 2008 9:59 AM

God damn, Rosie Grier is the bomb. The grade school days come rushing back. Thanks Lindy. I still have the LP at home.

Posted by Gidget | August 27, 2008 10:21 AM

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