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Monday, August 25, 2008

What If Couples That Weren’t Into Monogamy Could Get Married?

posted by on August 25 at 10:07 AM

Amy Wax had this to say at a Federalist Society debate about gay marriage this weekend: “We should be wary of extending marriage to a community with influential people who believe that sexual monogamy isn’t that important.”

Yeah, we wouldn’t want a community of people out there giving people the impression that you can be married without being monogamous.

Uh, Ms. Wax? How is it that this large and organized movement of non-monogamous heterosexual married couples is never acknowledged by conservatives who seek to deny marriage rights to same-sex couples on the grounds that gay men are insufficiently monogamous? (Lesbian couples are better at monogamy than gay or straight couples, but never mind about that.) If you’re sincerely worried about the influence that non-monogamous, legally-married couples will have on currently-monogamous, legally-married couples—and not just looking for something to pin your bigotry on—then you should be up in arms about the organized swinging movement. Check out some of those websites, Ms. Wax. Swingers recruit. Here’s a website for a Christian swingers, for crying out loud.

If non-monogamous married couples represent a dire existential threat to the the institution of marriage, how come we never hear any complaints from social conservatives about all these non-monogamous married heterosexuals out there? How come they get a pass?

Probably because it’s not really about monogamy, is it?

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Have any of these people heard of Warren Buffet? When his wife of nearly 20+ years wanted to pursue her own singing career in the 1970s, she introduced him to a waitress who became his mistress and eventually, after the wife died, his second wife. All three were very happy with the arrangement and sent out Christmas cards signed "Warren, Susie and Astrid".

And as for lesbians -- the happiest, most stable couple I know are a couple of lesbians in a polyamorous relationship. They've been married for 10 years and both have secondary relationships. The credit their success to clear and honest communications.

And lots of hot sex. Sometimes even with each other.

Posted by Smartypants | August 25, 2008 10:28 AM

Dan, logical arguments don't work because these peoples' delusions are resilient. When they are presented with information that undermines the 'gay marriage is bad' schema, they either ignore it or incorporate it. Either way, the delusion is preserved.

Posted by Greg | August 25, 2008 10:31 AM

Oh my god. This is my friend's mom. She's a very smart lady and I like her. Not a big fan of a lot of her views, though.

Posted by YourLeastFavorite | August 25, 2008 10:33 AM

Christian SWINGERS?!?! Can't those fuckers leave anything alone? When you're fucking your friend's spouse, does it really matter if they are christian at that point?

Posted by Mike in MO | August 25, 2008 10:47 AM

The Christian Swingers website has the production values of NAMBLA.

I'm inclined to believe one to be as potent a force as the other.

Posted by Mr. Joshua | August 25, 2008 10:51 AM

Really, lesbians are better at monogamy than straights? I didn't know that. Can you point us towards objective evidence? If it's something that's been proven, it would make a great, persuasive argument.

Posted by mattymatt | August 25, 2008 11:02 AM

And there even are a few fags who do the monogamous thing (shout out to you kiddo). It's such a smoke screen; we all know it. They just need to be called on their bullshit. We all do sometimes. Some of us learn from it. The far-right in this country has not had to learn much over the last twenty years, but here's hoping that is a changing.

Posted by Matty | August 25, 2008 11:16 AM

What does this have to do with Bonsai Kittens?

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 25, 2008 11:18 AM

We should really just eliminate the government's incentive to marry and let people deign a designation of choosing on their relationship.

Buffet and his first wife were estranged, not having lived together for more than half their marriage. I don't think that the circumstances of Buffet's marriage are what i'd call an open marriage, more like, a separation due to differing career desires without an official divorce.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | August 25, 2008 11:29 AM

Feh, they're just hoping that someday THEY'LL get an invite to a randy het swingers party...

Posted by COMTE | August 25, 2008 11:36 AM

I wish these fuckers would just admit they think homosexuality itself should be illegal instead of pretending they only are against them getting married. It's like the people who pretend they are for medical marijuana but really want it legalized for recreational use.

I wish people would just mind their own business and let people live as they want to live.

Posted by elswinger | August 25, 2008 11:41 AM

@4. It really matters, when an evangelical is banging someone, they totally lose their erection/lubrication if their sexual partner starts speaking hebrew or praising buddha/allah/baal.

Posted by dwight moody | August 25, 2008 11:52 AM

Considering that adultery is the major reason for divorce in this country perhaps marriage shouldn't be allowed for anyone.

Posted by inkweary | August 25, 2008 11:55 AM

They never tire of pointing out the faults, either real or imagined, of others. What I want to know is why they "bear false witness" and think that's o.k.? Always lies! Always!

Posted by Vince | August 25, 2008 1:02 PM

@11 Most fundamentalist Christians would be perfectly forthright about how they want homosexuality banned outright...if you asked them inside of their churches. Same as how most pro-medical pot folks are perfectly honest about wanting pot legalized for recreational use if you ask them while you're getting stoned with them.

Posted by Hernandez | August 25, 2008 2:22 PM

Can I just mention that this lady is not Evangelical Christian? She's of Jewish background but isn't religious. She doesn't hate people because they're gay; she isn't homophobic, afraid that gay people have cooties or are sinning or something. She's just...practical to a fault. Not everyone who takes a political stance different from ours is an ignorant bigot. A lot of the things she has said about marriage make a lot of sense. I encourage you all to look up some of her articles, they're fascinating - even if, ultimately, I disagree with her conclusions.

Posted by YourLeastFavorite | August 26, 2008 1:42 PM

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