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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

There Are Going to be 800 Gay Softball Players at the Mariners Game Tonight

posted by on August 26 at 12:26 PM

And thanks to the lesbians kiss that made news all over the world, some of those gay softballers are probably wondering what’s permissible, PDA-wise, at the home of the Seattle Mariners.

The softballers are in town for the Gay Softball World Series, which goes down in Seattle this week. And they’re no doubt familiar with the rough outline of the Lesbian Kiss Scandal: Two women at a Mariners game were threatened with expulsion if they didn’t stop kissing. The couple maintains that they merely gave each other a few quick pecks; they also claim that they were informed by a “seating host” that other fans were upset by the sight of same-sex kissers at the ballpark—and the women provided the media with a photo they took of a kissing straight couple seated in the same section that wasn’t told to knock it off. The Ms insist that the lesbians were groping each other and making out, that the team doesn’t treat gay fans any differently than it treats straight fans, and that they have just “one standard” for PDA at the ballpark, not different standards for gay and straight fans.

All those visiting gay softball players are probably aware of the story—seeing as it was everywhere—and some might be wondering how to conduct themselves tonight at Safeco Field. The Ms forbid “displays of affection not appropriate in a public, family setting,” which is a little vague. The rule implicitly allows for some displays of affection—those appropriate to a family setting—while forbidding others. But how can the average gay fan know what PDA is appropriate and permissible at Safeco and what PDA is inappropriate and will get you expelled from the park?

I have a suggestion.

One way—perhaps the best way—for gay baseball fans to determine what kind of PDA is permissible in the park is to watch what straight fans are doing. If straight couples are doing it and not being asked to stop, well, then gay couples can do it too. Equal treatment, right? No double standards, right?

So here are some photos I took of a couple of straight fans that I had the pleasure of sitting behind at a recent game (click on image for a larger version):


These two are clearly in love and they were terribly cute together. And while I’m not the PDA type myself, I certainly don’t begrudge this couple their marathon ballpark PDA session. (Luckily my child wasn’t at this game, so I didn’t have to explain to him that some men like to kiss women. But that is my boyfriend’s knee in the shot, and I did have to explain to him what “straight” means. He cried all the way home.) And it was a marathon PDA session: These two were going out at it throughout the entire game—they had their arms wrapped around each other for nine innings—and by my count they kissed each other 37 times. (I didn’t see any tongue but my angle was bad. There could’ve been tongue.) A Safeco Field “seat host” was stationed about ten feet away the entire time and the host was aware of this couple and never asked them to break it up.

So I thought I would share these pictures with the 800 gay softballers who are going to the game tonight. Guys? Wondering what displays of affection are appropriate to a family setting? Just reference these pictures. Heck, print them out and take them to the game with you. And remember, gang, everyone’s equal at Safeco Field. So gay couples at the game should feel free to wrap their arms around each other, hold each other in an embrace that lasts the entire game, watch the game cheek-to-cheek, and can kiss roughly 4.1 times per inning.

Enjoy the game!

RSS icon Comments


At least they could have got the dude to pull his shirt down. Bleah.

Posted by Fnarf | August 26, 2008 12:32 PM

They should all start smooching during the 7th Inning Stretch!

Posted by elswinger | August 26, 2008 12:35 PM

I say hire a straight couple to run interference by going for tongue and playing under-the-shirt.

Posted by Greg | August 26, 2008 12:42 PM

@3: I think me and the Fleshy Man Toy cam be that couple!

Also as a sidebar, when I went a couple months ago with the FMT, we were smooching (with tongue even!) a lot. Like, pretty much doing the googly-eyed, kissy face thing and snuggling the whole time.

Not once were we asked to stop or leave.

Posted by Original Monique | August 26, 2008 12:47 PM

can kiss roughly 4.1 times per inning.

Is this four and one-tenth, or four and a third?

Posted by jmr | August 26, 2008 12:53 PM

Male muffin top alert! LOL

Posted by Non | August 26, 2008 12:53 PM

Hey, that looks close to the section where my seats are. But we only have Japanese tourists around us. They get drunk but never make out.

Posted by Explorer | August 26, 2008 12:58 PM

Dan. You and Terry should have mirrored this couple and then seen if you were asked to leave!

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | August 26, 2008 12:59 PM

Who cares? They'll be the only 800 people at the game.

Posted by DOUG. | August 26, 2008 1:07 PM

Did the seating hosts have an objection to the plumber's crack that was surely being exposed by the male half of this couple?

Posted by DanFan | August 26, 2008 1:16 PM

I want to go to the game and make out with a baseball player!

Posted by monkey | August 26, 2008 1:17 PM

Balt-O-Matt... you know Terry. He's not the PDA type. Neither am I, for that matter.

Posted by Dan Savage | August 26, 2008 1:18 PM

Are they even called PDAs any more? What is this 1998 or something? I thought everyone had an iPhone or a BlackBerry.

Posted by elenchos | August 26, 2008 1:20 PM

@ 4: wtf is an fmt?

Posted by Mike in MO | August 26, 2008 1:21 PM

@14: The Fleshy Man Toy is wonderful. Totally.

Posted by Abby | August 26, 2008 1:23 PM

@14: Fleshy Man Toy

Posted by Original Monique | August 26, 2008 1:24 PM
by my count they kissed each other 37 times.

Jesus, Dan, you really need a hobby or something.

Posted by w7ngman | August 26, 2008 1:28 PM
Jesus, Dan, you really need a hobby or something.
Sounds to me like he's got one.
Posted by Fnarf | August 26, 2008 1:31 PM

Everyone is NOT equal at Safeco field. Seattle is 49-82 and out of the running for years to come. Minnesota is 74-57 and 1 game back. Who cares who gets kissed when we're all getting screwed?

Posted by Gay is OK. Bad baseball is the pits. | August 26, 2008 1:35 PM

I've got several, Fnarf...

Posted by Dan Savage | August 26, 2008 1:41 PM

It's good to have a hobby.

Posted by Fnarf | August 26, 2008 1:53 PM

All the softball players and supporters should star making out during the 7th Inning Stretch.

Posted by elswinger | August 26, 2008 2:00 PM

In a perfect world, I could go to a Mariners game with you and make out, Dan...

Posted by SantiagoDave | August 26, 2008 2:18 PM

Okay, but as soon as I count 38 kisses from ANYONE - there's going to be some stern warnings issued.

Posted by YOUR Seattle Mariners Seating Attendant | August 26, 2008 2:31 PM

maybe it's just me, but if I were that couple and knew Dan was taking pictures of me, I would be a little creeped out.

Posted by DW | August 26, 2008 2:46 PM

You had to explain 'straight' to Terry? And he cried all the way home?

Hope you gave him some private affection along the way...

Posted by Ayden/VA | August 26, 2008 11:40 PM

FYI: The Seattle Chapter of the National Organization for Women has an online petition to sign asking the Mariners to hold a Pride event.

Sign it at:

Posted by Joanna | August 27, 2008 11:14 AM

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