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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

The Spooky Wisdom of Spam!

posted by on August 19 at 13:49 PM

crybabybrit.jpgJust now! Seconds ago! I got four spams, right in a row. Spam emails, please to note, not Spam “pig in a can”. (Rats! Love me some pig in a can!) In their “subject” lines, these spam emails read:

Britney Spears Plans to Auction off Her Children on Ebay!


Britney Sues Vagina for Divorce!


Britney Spears Ditches Singing Career, Enters Car Racing!


Britney Spears Recording New Album, Forgets How to Sing!

Creepy! I know!

Clearly, there is some message here.

Is the universe trying to warn us? Does Britney need my help? Is she (and her vagina, and her kids, and her race car maybe) trapped in a burning barn, down by old Mystery Creek?

Please! Adepts in the mystic art of spamomancy (the ancient science of divining cosmic messages via junk email—or pig in a can, whatever)…what does it all mean?

Wait. No. Don’t tell me. I don’t give a shit.

Britney Spears. Only the spam still cares.

RSS icon Comments


It's weird that not only did I get the same emails, but my said they came from MSNBC!

Posted by elswinger | August 19, 2008 2:05 PM

The best one I've seen says Brittney Spears is the VP nod for McCain.

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 19, 2008 2:12 PM

"I KNOW!" was tired the first time you used it and in the last 7 of your stupid posts

Posted by Derek | August 19, 2008 2:13 PM

Leave Britney Alone!

Posted by Eli S. | August 19, 2008 2:14 PM

Chris Crocker is an amazing boy, and I broke his story. Love me.

Posted by Elise Sanders | August 19, 2008 2:18 PM

I'll tell you if you remove my gag.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 19, 2008 2:20 PM

I do enjoy the new movement in fake-shocking-news spam subjects. It's at least more interesting than "Cheap vi-@-gra". A couple of days ago I got:

"John McCain selects Laura Bush as VP" and
"New York Yankees killed in bus crash".

Posted by skweetis | August 19, 2008 2:25 PM


Do something about your cooter, its stinking up the place.

Posted by Donolectic | August 19, 2008 3:14 PM

COMMENT DELETED: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!

We'd rather not moderate your comments, but off-topic, gratuitously inflammatory, threatening, or otherwise inappropriate remarks may be removed, and repeat offenders may be banned from commenting. We never censor comments based on ideology. Thanks to all who add to the conversation on Slog. And remember, we musn't talk about the war!

Posted by Monty Python | August 19, 2008 5:57 PM

just arrived in my inbox: "Britney Spears to Study Theoretical Quantum Mechanics at MIT". and really, good for her!

Posted by joey | August 19, 2008 8:02 PM

jesus--i've never had a comment deleted before--it must have been horrible! HORRIBLE!

Posted by adrian | August 19, 2008 8:38 PM

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