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It looks better than the straight off-the-Burt-Reynolds-porn-set gold chains in Mark Spitz's 7 medal image

Posted by harold | August 20, 2008 1:28 PM

Hey, I think Ricky from Project Runway season 4 designed that and then burst into tears.

Posted by monkey | August 20, 2008 1:29 PM


Posted by max solomon | August 20, 2008 1:29 PM

I told my boyfriend the first time I saw this that it looks like a poster for a bad Bollywood film.

Posted by Kirk Fontenot | August 20, 2008 1:35 PM

I think I see Waxie Moon's new routine....

Posted by Chris B | August 20, 2008 1:37 PM
Posted by stinkbug | August 20, 2008 1:40 PM

Yes David, it does look like an ugly halter top! Too much ribbon, not enough Phelps.

Has anyone mentioned how low the picture goes? I like it but damn, it is inches away from his naughty bits!

Posted by Suz | August 20, 2008 1:41 PM

And to think of all that lead seeping into his chest and abs...

Cancer in 5 years, or at least lead poisoning.

Posted by Whiworth Fag | August 20, 2008 1:41 PM

@1, you crazy off on that. Spitz in chains is massively great. I have the boyhood daydreams to prove it.

Posted by tomasyalba | August 20, 2008 1:52 PM

Am I the only one totally sick of looking at this kids goofy face

Posted by Tostina | August 20, 2008 1:53 PM

Imagine how much krazier the hype would be if he had a good-looking face too.

Posted by Judith | August 20, 2008 1:54 PM

am i the only one that thinks he's ugly as sin?

Posted by darek | August 20, 2008 1:54 PM

Yeah, he does have one ugly face, well not ugly just not very attractive, kinda like the guy you sleep with between being sober and totally drunk. The guy you pick up at the Cuff who you wouldn't hit on at 11:45 pm but around 12:50 am you and take him home.

Posted by Whitworth Fag | August 20, 2008 1:57 PM

Sorry about my typo in #13, I thought I deleted "you" in the last line.

Posted by WF | August 20, 2008 1:59 PM

Now that he's on target for $35-100 million in endorsement earnings, maybe he can buy a personality.

Posted by Fnarf | August 20, 2008 2:03 PM

Actually, this photo ends a foot and a half above his naughty bits. He has a very long torso, you know.

Posted by David | August 20, 2008 2:06 PM

Yes, he is goofy looking, but he just got more attractive... 8 times more attractive.

Posted by Suz | August 20, 2008 2:11 PM

Jealousy is sooooo ugly.

Posted by Vince | August 20, 2008 2:17 PM

Eh, he may be a good swimmer, but he's no Jim Thorpe, that's for sure.

Posted by Old Geezer | August 20, 2008 2:22 PM

Not very attractive. He looks kind of retarded.

Posted by Just sayin' | August 20, 2008 2:29 PM

That is an awful cover. The background should be some sort of blue...not a duplication of the eyesore orange that is the ribbon...

Posted by Jeremy from Seattle | August 20, 2008 2:30 PM

Poor Phelpsy...he looks like he opened the Ark of the Covenant and part of his face melted off.

Talented kid, though.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | August 20, 2008 2:36 PM

#20, ADHD, actually.

Posted by w7ngman | August 20, 2008 2:39 PM

He has actually photographed well in other instances.

He'd probably fare better if he weren't caught 1) full front; and 2) smiling on camera.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | August 20, 2008 2:54 PM

Did someone say Jim Thorpe when he meant Ian Thorpe and if not - please to explain.

@9 - You are totally correct - only once in my long gay life have I ever had a poster in my home revealing my homo-ness and that was Mark Spitz in Chains - hung on the back of my San Francisco closet door.

As for Phelp's perceived ugliness, well - like beauty - ugliness is in the beholder's eye, and I think some of you are - gasp - unlike the Olympic pool - shallow. As the ladies in "Music Man" chirp, it's always pick-a-little-pick-a-little...pick-pick-pick...pick-a-lot-pick-a-little...

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | August 20, 2008 3:02 PM

I totally thought he was wearing a dress when I saw this picture. My reaction "Why is Michael Phelps in drag on that magazine cover...?

Posted by SDizzle | August 20, 2008 3:03 PM

I actually don't think he's bad looking. And the 8 medals is an impressive feat.

But that is one shitty photo. It doesn't do him or the medals any justice at all. The photographer should be flogged. What kind of incompetent jackasses are they hiring over at Sports Illustrated, anyway?

Posted by Reverse Polarity | August 20, 2008 3:03 PM

Sadly, it was Phelps who spawned discussion of the need for a male version of butterface. All we could come up with was butt-his-face. Any other ideas?

Posted by Kyleen | August 20, 2008 3:09 PM

#28, what's wrong with butterface?

Posted by w7ngman | August 20, 2008 3:12 PM


Posted by Gabe | August 20, 2008 3:13 PM

@28: I believe that "prawn" and "Seth" were the winners.

I've said it before and I'll likely say it again, but I miss Ian Thorpe. Now that was a pretty swimmer. And the first athlete I ever had a crush on.

Posted by Abby | August 20, 2008 3:18 PM
Posted by NapoleonXIV | August 20, 2008 3:29 PM

prawn: (australian) a male or female with an ugly head but a tasty body.

Q: So how did you go last night with the surf lifesaver?
A: Ummm, he was a bit of a prawn, but I turned off the lights, so it was sweet.

Posted by Gabe | August 20, 2008 3:31 PM

@32: yes. Very much so.

Posted by Abby | August 20, 2008 3:32 PM

Compare and contrast - Spitz vs. Phelps

The difference is the thin chains and the ubiquitous Red Chinese silk - and I forgot - the faces.

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | August 20, 2008 3:33 PM

@32: That looks like one of those newfangled spray on condoms gone horribly wrong.

Posted by Gabe | August 20, 2008 3:34 PM

@35: Maybe because I remember Mark Spitz, and I'm straight, and I have a moustache, I'd go with Spitz.

Posted by Gabe | August 20, 2008 3:42 PM

My 71 year old mother is DEATHLY IN LOVE with him, but even though he probably has a 12" cock, I think he is one of the goofiest people I have ever seen. Can't even stand hearing of him anymore.

Posted by calvin | August 20, 2008 3:45 PM

he's just the right amount of ugly for me (although for the record i prefer spitz). i can even forgive the body shaving. unfortunate picture though. he really needs to not smile.

Posted by brandon | August 20, 2008 4:01 PM


Is there any other kind?

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 20, 2008 6:29 PM

@27 -- It's a cheap shot: They outsourced it to China.

Posted by hm | August 20, 2008 8:05 PM

oh, baby, i'd hit him seven days a week and cook him breakfast lunch AND dinner. i like my boys young and smooth.

Posted by scary tyler moore | August 20, 2008 8:51 PM

Hm, reminds me of this bellydancer I saw many years ago in a little bar in Istanbul - I think it's the nose that brings it all back to me...

Posted by COMTE | August 20, 2008 9:40 PM
Posted by CattyMaran | August 21, 2008 4:52 PM

I'll take Mark Spitz. Phelps has that mentally challenged look.

Posted by Sharon | August 21, 2008 5:31 PM

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