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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Savage Love Letter of the Day

posted by on August 26 at 13:50 PM

Since I was 15 or so I’ve filled the tub up with nice warm water and took a dump in the bath water. I found (and still do) that the nice warm water loosens up my muscles and allows me to really clean myself out. It’s not uncommon for me to do this for over an hour. I don’t beat off while I’m in there, or do anything sexual with it. Generally, once I’m done I clean out the tub and wash my hands/body.

Is this a normal thing associated with scat or what? I have a boyfriend of 4 years, who has a pretty good idea that I do this, although we’ve never really talked about it. However, I don’t think he realizes the extent that I do this. I don’t want him involved in the act, and I would never want to see or touch his. In fact, in the cases where I do see it/smell it (being a gay male it’s bound to turn up occasionally) I’m turned off and disgusted by the smell. We’ve bought a house together, and will be moving in together in the next two months. Once we’re together I’m afraid he’ll figure it out. So I really think I need to tell him before he moves in.

The only problem is I have no idea why I do this, or why I can’t stop doing it. I feel like I need to give him some reason why, sexual or not, that I do this. Have you ever heard of anything like this? Is this scat, or is it just a gross habit that is not sexual in any way?

I’m curious to hear your insight.

Scat Or Some Other Thing

Sounds like some other thing to meósome other really fucked up thing, SOSOT, some other thing that you might want to think about breaking yourself of someday.

Or not.

Disgusting as this isóand it is disgusting (and here’s hoping you’re really scrubbing the tub when you’re done)óyou’re not really hurting anyone, or yourself. Should you inform your boyfriend? Well, gee. It sounds like he might already know. But by telling him, by going on the record with this in a official way, you may make him feel obligated to object to each and every bath you take, regardless of whether or not it’s a shit bath you’re taking, because that’s his tub too. There’s a chance he might prefer to go on turning a blind eye, pretending that he doesn’t know what he does, in fact, know. So it’s kind of a toss up, SOSOT.

And, no, if you’re not beating off or getting a sexual thrill from this, it’s not “a normal thing” associated with scat, which itself isn’t much of a normal thing.

RSS icon Comments



Posted by Ziggity | August 26, 2008 1:54 PM

I wish I could unread this one.

Posted by Darcy | August 26, 2008 1:55 PM

Vomit inducing.

Posted by Bellevue Ave | August 26, 2008 1:57 PM

Man, those Princeton students always come up with the best "questions".

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 26, 2008 1:58 PM

so.. does he scoop it out and put in the toilet afterward? cause that could eventually clog the drain.

Posted by sepiolida | August 26, 2008 1:58 PM

Scat is not cool. Shit is not cool. Playing with shit is not cool. On a floor, in a tub, out in the sun = You are a freak. You are fucking disgusting. Don't ever tell anybody about this again. Fuck.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 26, 2008 2:02 PM

Oh, Jesus help me. Does he really spend that much time scrubbing that nasty shit away? His boyfriend is going to run like hell when he finds out what he's been standing on when he's showering. That's nasty and it's not OK.

Posted by Fnarf | August 26, 2008 2:02 PM

Reminds me of why I read Savage Love: not for the advice, but for the consistent affirmation of being non-weird.

Posted by Non | August 26, 2008 2:05 PM

Yeah, sepiolida, I'm wondering that too.

Dan, would you write back to this guy and ask him to please explain what he does with the poop when it's out and floating around in the water? Does he have a pooper scooper, like I have for my cat's kitty roca box? Does he attach little sails to it and wait for it to sail away to a land called Honah Lee?

Also, what does he do to with the inevitable microscopic poop flakes stuck to his whole body? I wonder if his boyfriend really would want to, say, lick this guy's nipples knowing he's recently been stewing in a tepid soup of poop.

We have to know!

Posted by TVDinner | August 26, 2008 2:06 PM

^ "stewing in a tepid soup of poop."


Posted by Non | August 26, 2008 2:09 PM

i have a very long list of follow-up questions i don't want to ask.

Posted by brandon | August 26, 2008 2:10 PM

I don't understand how he can do that for more than an hour. At some point, there's nothing else in there, or?

There is some risk that he could get a nasty infection if he had any open wounds, scratches, pimples, etc. in that poopy water.

I hope he makes sure the shower curtain is on the outside.

Posted by Judith | August 26, 2008 2:10 PM

What's next? farting on cakes? urgh I'm going to puke

Posted by Danny | August 26, 2008 2:19 PM

yeah, this would be just kinda weird were it not for the whole, soaking in the shitty tub water for an hour thing...

I'm really, really hoping that he scrubs the tub out with bleach when he's finished.

Posted by michael strangeways | August 26, 2008 2:20 PM

Sounds like a disgusting bad habit he's had for too long, if he's not getting anything else out of it. Kinda like picking a nose. SOSOT needs to get thee to some therapy and just quit doing it.

Posted by Emily | August 26, 2008 2:21 PM

"Itís not uncommon for me to do this for over an hour."

Seriously, who shits continuously for an hour?

I'm sorry, but this guy needs to accept that he enjoys shit. Not just the act of expelling it from his body, but to have it floating about him long after that "warm bath" turns cool.

Posted by Bont | August 26, 2008 2:23 PM

Hmmm, perhaps he is a piano player a la whats his name from "Shine"

Posted by Medinadg | August 26, 2008 2:25 PM

please please tell me that you don't have a female roommate- because I have a roommate that stays in the bath a lonnnnnnnnng time. Oh please, I can barely keep my lunch down- I really hope SOSOT is NOT my roommate!!! ahh! Pass the bleach, please!

Posted by Flinga | August 26, 2008 2:26 PM

@15: Nose picking is downright gentlemanly next to this. I shall defend it as vigorously as I practice it.

Posted by Ziggity | August 26, 2008 2:29 PM

There is so much wrong with this letter, but this is the part that gets to me the most:

Generally, once Iím done I clean out the tub and wash my hands/body.

What the fuck do you mean, GENERALLY? Like you ever DON'T clean out the tub and wash up? What the fuck?!

Posted by Chris | August 26, 2008 2:30 PM

You know, I wasn't going to barf until I read the comments. The story was disgusting to begin with, but some of the comments have really just made it that much worse, Thanks guys!

Posted by Jay | August 26, 2008 2:31 PM

I don't see the problem as long as (1) he does it in private, (2) he cleans up afterward, both himself and the bathtub (WITH BLEACH), and (3) it doesn't interfere with his ability to form human relationships, fulfill obligations, etc.

However, sharing ownership of a house with someone: that person needs prior disclosure.

Bleach is very important in this situation.

Posted by Simac | August 26, 2008 2:31 PM

You'd think that boyfriend would be suspicious that he has to wash all over again after taking an hour-long bath. I assume that's a shower? I'd like to see his water bill (no, I wouldn't).

Posted by Fnarf | August 26, 2008 2:33 PM

is dude 'just' squating in the tub (i.e just up to his ankles) or truly taking a 'bath' in his shit. If Door #1 then maybe I get it - messy/fucked up, but I get it. Door #2 is just plain fuckin stupid, for all of the reasons cited above.

Posted by ho' know | August 26, 2008 2:33 PM

If he wants to sit in a warm bath with a number of objects floating around him, he should get some rubber ducks or something. I hear you can get brown ones, if that helps.

Posted by Hernandez | August 26, 2008 2:38 PM

So many questions, yet I don't want to know any of the answers.

Best advice: If the new house has a tub, get fucking rid of it and replace it with a standing shower. It might be a costly solution, but it'll be cheaper than years of therapy and he'll basically be forced to stop (it sounds like he's tried unsuccessfully in the past). Also maybe get a bran muffin and some coffee once in a while.

Posted by T | August 26, 2008 2:40 PM

Yeah, can I unread it? I was planning on taking a bath this afternoon but now....I cant even look in the bathroom.

I'm wondering too- does he squat or lay in the bath?

Posted by catnextdoor | August 26, 2008 2:41 PM

OMFG! Either get a seperate bath tub or learn to take a dump on the toilet. If you are going to share a house and a bathroom with another man you have no right in the world to expect him to accept this.

When I had a place of my own I would sometimes pee in the shower. I no longer do that since I moved in with my boyfriend.
Sharing space with another person involves compromise. It should be a no-brainer that you stop shitting in the bath tub. Just because you like doing it does not make it a sacred cow that your boyfriend must accomodate. It is on you to to accomodate him on this one.

Posted by Jim | August 26, 2008 2:42 PM

22: There's no way to disclose something like that without being thrown out on your ass (unless the boyfriend is a closet scat freak). If I got a letter from the boyfriend about this, I'd be replying with a giant DTMFA.

Posted by Jay | August 26, 2008 2:44 PM

@25: my subconscious mind just composed a song entitled "Brown Rubber Ducky" and I can't get it out of my head.

Posted by Fnarf | August 26, 2008 2:44 PM

That's it, I feel like I am missing out on something....I'm taking a Shat-th tonight!!

Wait...what if it's not solid?

Hrm *reconsiders furiously*

Posted by Jeremy from Seattle | August 26, 2008 2:54 PM


And can't he start (i.e. relax) in the tub and finish on the toilet. It seems like this is a total childhood regression thing. Only children don't have a problem with shitting in the tub. This guy needs therapy.

Posted by keshmeshi | August 26, 2008 2:56 PM

I have taken hour+ baths before, but I have a uterus, and baths make it not cramp. I have also felt the need to shower after these baths because bath oil is not something I actually want on me when I'm not in a bath. Also, being a crampy time of the month, Sometimes there are little chunks of menstrual blood floating around. (cue more barfing please) also hence the shower after bath. It's worth sitting in that mess for the cramp relief it brings.

I was writing this to show a decent reason you might spend a long time in the bath and shower afterwards, but actually I think I'm just really gross, too.

Posted by philly | August 26, 2008 2:56 PM

And a big brown shark came ...

Posted by Eddie Murphy | August 26, 2008 2:56 PM

My first thought: Did the guy who used to live in my house do this? The guy who was in the last hotel room I stayed in? I need to learn how to get bleach through airport security.

Posted by mikeblanco | August 26, 2008 2:57 PM

I have taken hour+ baths before, but I have a uterus, and baths make it not cramp. I have also felt the need to shower after these baths because bath oil is not something I actually want on me when I'm not in a bath. Also, being a crampy time of the month, Sometimes there are little chunks of menstrual blood floating around. (cue more barfing please) also hence the shower after bath. It's worth sitting in that mess for the cramp relief it brings.

I was writing this to show a decent reason you might spend a long time in the bath and shower afterwards, but actually I think I'm just really gross, too.

Posted by philly | August 26, 2008 2:57 PM

@20 yeah this is THE WORST part for sure:

"Generally, once Iím done I clean out the tub and wash my hands/body"

All of you people who think this guy gets out of his shat-th and scrubs the tub vigorously with bleach every time are deluding yourselves. This statement alludes to the idea that sometimes he doesn't even WASH HIS BODY OFF. Ok now I am going to go puke.

Posted by Hoo Ha | August 26, 2008 3:03 PM

Some yogis practice this kind of thing ("basti"). It's similar to an enema, except instead of an external bladder, the abdominal muscles control the suction and expulsion of water.

Typically, this is done with the practitioner squatting over a basin with a tube. I don't believe wallowing in the shit is part of the tradition.

Posted by Mahtli69 | August 26, 2008 3:05 PM

@ 35 I was thinking the same thing.


Posted by modern day flapper | August 26, 2008 3:05 PM

To dump more easily (in the can), eat vegetables, drink coffee, take metamucil. Go for a walk. More harshly: laxatives. .

About wanting to be clean for sex, "really cleaning yourself out" (enemas) can be rough on your body and might make you more vulnerable to infection. Try to relax about some sex-related messiness. It's worth it.

Posted by chicagogaydude | August 26, 2008 3:07 PM

You people, there in all your security and comfort, are free to hold whatever opinions you want about taking a dump in the tub and soaking in it for an hour, but the fact is John McCain was a POW for 5 and a half years. OK? As far as I'm concerned that ends this discussion right there.

Posted by elenchos | August 26, 2008 3:07 PM

Now I want to do the poopy bath dance (to the tune of the Banana Splits theme).
Ya ya ya,
Poopy in the bath,
Ya ya ya,
Poopy in the bath!

(You shouldn't actually do the poopy bath dance IN the bath, as you might slip and brain yourself on the faucet. And if your bathtub is full of poo, then you'd get your brain gash infected. No fun!)

Posted by Breklor | August 26, 2008 3:08 PM

I see a 1BR/2BA in their future.

If such things exist.

Posted by K | August 26, 2008 3:15 PM

Maybe I'm just not imaginative enough, but I fail to see how shitting while laying down or sitting in a bath tub is even possible. There must be some squatting involved at some point. Like, maybe he soaks for awhile, squats, and then lays back down?

And to think, a couple weeks ago, I was feeling a little guilty/gross after the whole "how do you wipe yourself after shitting" discussion because I sometimes wipe back to front. This guy has seriously lowered the bar.

Posted by Julie | August 26, 2008 3:15 PM

Dan, just because he felt the need to share this with YOU doesn't mean that you really really really need to share it with US. Really.

Posted by Spanky MacFarland | August 26, 2008 3:17 PM

This guy should make sure the new house has a BIDET in the bathroom.

Problem solved!

Posted by Pagan | August 26, 2008 3:17 PM

Danny @13 FTW.

Posted by hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha | August 26, 2008 3:18 PM

Here's my solution: take a gun, check to make sure it's loaded, put it to your head, mentally say goodbye to your boyfriend and parents, and pull the trigger. Problem solved.

Posted by Greg | August 26, 2008 3:20 PM

i do that daily. it's good for you

Posted by tubgirl | August 26, 2008 3:21 PM

This guy ain't getting invited to my hot-tub party.

Posted by NapoleonXIV | August 26, 2008 3:23 PM

Over an hour?!! Come-on...Even if you don't take a dump, an hour (or more) is a long time to sit in the tub. The guy would be totally wrinkled and smell like shit no matter how much he washed afterwards. Oh, and I guess his boyfriend never wonders why he was in the bathroom for so long, so often. You've been had, Dan.

Posted by crazycatguy | August 26, 2008 3:27 PM

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that this letter is a's sort of DESIGNED to push our buttons.

Posted by michael strangeways | August 26, 2008 3:32 PM

@ 6: doth thy protest too much?

Also, this has to be an early nominee for SLL of the Year.

Posted by Mike in MO | August 26, 2008 3:42 PM

I like to shit in my hand and then shake hands with Dino Rossi. Is that wrong?

Posted by Fnarf | August 26, 2008 3:43 PM

@28: I think we can all agree there is a huge difference between peeing in the shower and taking a dump in the bath. EVERYBODY pees in the shower. I LOVE taking showers with my boyfriends and lovers. I never saw peeing in the shower as a big deal, and neither have any of them. They probably did it to. That's why you're taking a fucking shower. It'll wash right off. Shat in the bath, on the other hand, is disgusting. No one does that. Do people do that? I mean, other than this guy.

Posted by Jennifer in Chicago | August 26, 2008 3:45 PM

@40... If he can't relax enough to drop deuce without a warm bath, I seriously doubt he's bottoming for anyone, so the sex-related messiness comment is most likely moot.

Posted by Nixor | August 26, 2008 3:56 PM

Please tell me he doesn't swim in public pools. I mean, he has himself trained to crap in warm water now; how could he help it? I can just see him filling his speedos at the local Y.

Posted by Geni | August 26, 2008 3:57 PM

dude better have a bottle of clorox sitting next to the tub to scrub that shit down. blech. that's just not right.

Posted by jakay | August 26, 2008 4:05 PM

and people, please don't compare pooing in the tub to peeing in the shower. pee is pretty much sterile, whereas poo... bubonic plague, anyone?

Posted by jakay | August 26, 2008 4:12 PM

I'm thinking that this guy needs to learn how to clean himself with an enema, and evacuate his bowels into the toilet, and not the bathtub.

This guy is at risk of getting a serious infection every time he marinates himself in a shit bath.

The boyfriend doesn't need a reason why this guy does this. There isn't a logical, sane reason that will be acceptable, and trying to reason with his boyfriend will only further prove that.

Bathe first to relax, then get out of the tub, use an enema to clean the bowels, and then hop in the shower to clean up.

Posted by chaosbound | August 26, 2008 4:31 PM

Sometimes Google just doesn't come thru. Tried to find the reference (in French) where DeGaulle said, "a dog never shits in his own house..." But SOSOT doesn't need to know what DeGaulle said but rather what his mom said: "Never shit in the bathtub if you want to continue living in my house."

Posted by RHETT ORACLE | August 26, 2008 4:50 PM

Fnarf @ 54 -- Shaking hands with Dino Rossi is always wrong.

You might consider inviting him to a hot tub party, though.

Posted by RonK, Seattle | August 26, 2008 4:56 PM

Poop Soup!

Since I'm chiming in sooo late (60th or so) I won't even bother to read those who preceded me - too close to dinner time!

Posted by jackseattle | August 26, 2008 4:58 PM

So not ONCE has his boyfriend walked in while he's been in the tub, or asked why the door is locked for over an hour?

Posted by Banna | August 26, 2008 5:32 PM

Now I feel vanilla! ...and sick.

Posted by blorg | August 26, 2008 7:26 PM

Please don't do this in hotels.

Posted by Ewww | August 26, 2008 7:48 PM

Jennifer in Chicago: yes, peeing in the shower is different from pooping in a bathtub, but know what? NOT EVERYONE DOES IT. Peeing in the shower is a lot closer to pooping in a tub than it is to doing either in a toilet.

You haven't lived until you've been a guest of someone who habitually pees in the shower. "Revolting" isn't the word. The smell is truly beyond description.

Posted by TVDinner | August 26, 2008 9:05 PM

@67: Your host's shower doesn't have a u-bend, then?

Posted by Greg | August 26, 2008 9:39 PM

@55 I realize the difference between a pee in the shower and a dump in the tub. I was making the point that compromise is necessary when you share a living space. Refraining from peeing in the shower if a roommate has issues with that practice should be no more difficult than a compromise about how to arrange furniture.

Posted by Jim | August 27, 2008 5:34 AM

I am nauseated..... and utterly convinced that this is a fake.
This person is totally yanking yer chain ,Dan!

Posted by ydnar | August 27, 2008 11:51 AM

I'd like to thank all of you who posted comments. The letter was truly vomit inducing, but the comments were hilarious. Totally made my day.

Posted by Charm | August 27, 2008 12:57 PM

2 dudes, 1 tub

Posted by sockpuppet | August 27, 2008 6:47 PM

Suddenly I wonder if the band Bathtub Shitter chose that name for some reason other than to just be disgusting. People really do this! I didn't want to know.

Posted by Jon | August 27, 2008 10:20 PM

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