Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« "AFA Protest, Emails and Hallm... | Gallup »

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Natural Male Imprisonment

posted by on August 28 at 11:48 AM

The douchebag responsible for those awful Enzyte commercials—which feature “Smiling Bob,” who looks a lot like our “Lying Dino”—was sentenced to 25 years in prison yesterday.

Steve Warshak, 42, founder of Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, also was ordered to pay $93,000 in fines. He was convicted in February on 93 counts of conspiracy, fraud and money laundering.

Federal prosecutors accused the company of bilking customers out of $100 million through a series of deceptive ads, manipulated credit card transactions and refusal to accept returns or cancel orders.

Remember, folks, herbal supplements will not make your dick bigger. Love the dick you’ve got because it’s all the dick you’re ever gonna get.

No, wait, that didn’t come out right…

Via Fleshbot.

RSS icon Comments



Posted by Mr. Poe | August 28, 2008 11:54 AM

Great, now for that creepy guy with the bad skin who has the psuedo-scientific infomercial for a bowel cleanser that is supposed to fix everything.

Posted by inkweary | August 28, 2008 11:57 AM

People are such suckers.

Posted by Vince | August 28, 2008 12:07 PM

Oh noes, $93k fine on $100 million stolen? How will he ever be able to afford it? Why isn't the fine $100 million?

Dollars to donuts this asshole is out on the street within a year.

Posted by Fnarf | August 28, 2008 12:15 PM

Whoops—sorry, Fnarf. Didn't link to the quoted story, where you'll read this:

U.S. District Judge S. Arthur Spiegel ordered the company, along with other defendants, to forfeit more than $500 million. He said it was impossible to calculate exactly how much money was lost by customers, so he accepted a figure based on how much Warshak and the company took in.
Posted by Dan Savage | August 28, 2008 12:20 PM

His mom too, although she'll never serve any time. Geez, what a family.

Posted by Charm | August 28, 2008 12:28 PM

my penis couldn't GET any bigger (or it would hurt mrs. solomon).

Posted by max solomon | August 28, 2008 12:48 PM

Great, now I can't get that Enzyte jingle out of my head.

Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | August 28, 2008 12:58 PM

Hah! Take that, Bob!

Posted by 3 1/2 inches of magic | August 28, 2008 1:09 PM

The folks behind annoying commercials are a bunch of dicks ... and that's a surprise ending?

Posted by RonK, Seattle | August 28, 2008 1:12 PM

Thank God. It should never have come to this though. It's pretty saddening to me that snake oil is openly and commonly sold on American TV. That popular sports events are funded by dick biggening spam.

I guess it's no different than the psychic ads that were more popular 20 years ago it's just that ingestion seems a bit more important.

Posted by daniel | August 28, 2008 1:14 PM

When is Kevin Trudeau going to get locked up again?

Posted by keshmeshi | August 28, 2008 1:24 PM

@7 - You are talking about a different Mrs. Solomon than the one who named you Max, right?

Posted by Colleen | August 28, 2008 1:28 PM

Are you saying those pills don't work?

Dang, there goes my Christmas gift to Fnarf ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 28, 2008 1:41 PM

@13: my mom's last name is not solomon.

Posted by max solomon | August 28, 2008 2:11 PM

I was in one of those ads. It was a fun shoot and "Smilin' Bob" was a nice guy, but I felt like a hypocrite and a moral coward from the minute i walked on set. Kind of like how I suspect Olympic athletes who take sponsorship dollars from McDonalds and Snickers (should) feel.

Posted by chasman | August 28, 2008 2:18 PM

I don't need those stupid pills, I need THESE pills:

Posted by Fnarf | August 28, 2008 2:37 PM

Shit, I forgot my usual comment about being hung like a baby's arm with an apple in his fist.

Posted by Fnarf | August 28, 2008 2:39 PM

I don't need to know about your pervy ideas about sex, Fnarf.

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 28, 2008 3:21 PM

Says the guy who shits in the bathtub and stews in it.

Posted by Fnarf | August 28, 2008 3:34 PM

Ugh, you wrote that letter Will? Fucking sick.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 28, 2008 5:06 PM

Comments Closed

Comments are closed on this post.