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Thursday, August 28, 2008

Michael Jackson Is Turning 50

posted by on August 28 at 10:45 AM


To celebrate or at least commemorate the occasion, London’s Daily Mail hired experts to cook up the fantasy image of a non-surgified Jackson above. They also hired preeminent Jackson chronicler J. Randy Taraborrelli to write a thoroughly depressing poratrait of Michael Jackson on the cusp of 50—drugged, stumbling, deeply in debt, and not even sure of the basic facts of his life.

[F]or a man who is so obsessed with youth, so intent on remaining a child, many fear his birthday will be a day of reckoning for Michael Jackson. He has no plans to celebrate, other than in some small, private way with his children….He has even begun to regret having plastic surgery and spends much of his time staring at his reflection in the mirror.

‘I don’t know what I was thinking back then,’ he recently said. ‘Everyone makes mistakes when they’re young, I guess. But I still look OK, don’t I? I mean, for 40?

When reminded that, in fact, he was about to turn 50, Jackson gave a sad, half smile.

‘It all went by so fast, didn’t it? I wish I could do it all over again, I really do.’

Sweet Jesus. Read the whole sad thing here, if you feel like it.

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Whoa...for the first time in American history there is a major party presidential candidate who is younger than Michael Jackson.

Posted by Emily | August 28, 2008 10:40 AM

Sounds like a lot of former rock stars actually.

Usually guys - women seem to deal better with it.

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 28, 2008 10:41 AM

I don't particularly go out of my way to read what should-be-but-never-have-been convicted pedophiles have to say.

Posted by Call me crazy and paint me sane. | August 28, 2008 10:41 AM

I think he looks LOVELY. Like a flower. A corpseflower, but still, a flower.

Posted by Fnarf | August 28, 2008 10:44 AM

Dear Will,

Posted by Michael Jackson was never a "rock star." | August 28, 2008 10:46 AM

he looks like a hybrid of diana ross and a chimpanzee (the real picture that is). the imaginary fellow isn't half bad looking for a 50yo.

Posted by oh my | August 28, 2008 11:02 AM

OMG, he's turned into Nancy Pelosi!

Posted by The Artist Formerly Known As Sigourney Beaver | August 28, 2008 11:04 AM

Maybe for his birthday he'll invite 5 10-year-olds over.

Posted by Ziggity | August 28, 2008 11:15 AM

He looks like the creepy german guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark midway through his meltdown at the end of the film.

Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | August 28, 2008 11:16 AM
Posted by Rosa Clemente | August 28, 2008 11:22 AM

I'm sure that all plastic surgeons tend to play bocce. Usually the men smoke more cigarettes. But it's outdoor bocce, not the indoor kind we play in Kinshasa.

Posted by Former Female Rock Star | August 28, 2008 11:22 AM

@5 - lol, so how do you explain his Top 10 Billboard records ....

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 28, 2008 11:51 AM

Will, I wouldn't expect you to know what rock is, but he is hailed the "king of pop" for a reason, you fucking idiot.

Posted by keep posting | August 28, 2008 12:15 PM

I think Joan Crawford's aged well, don't you?

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | August 28, 2008 12:16 PM

How will they make up his face in his casket? Remove the make up? Pump his head full of helium? Yuck!

Posted by Vince | August 28, 2008 12:19 PM

Could have been more interestnig and "what if" accurate if the "au natural" fantasy version had shown him with either white splotches all over his face or blanched skin but sans the other plastic surgery - given his vitiligo.

Posted by Barak G | August 28, 2008 12:39 PM

Puh-leeze! Do you really believe that he has vitiligo?????????

Posted by Jennifer | August 28, 2008 12:51 PM

Huh -- Michael Jackson, that pop singer from the 80s -- is still alive?

Posted by Just Sayin' | August 28, 2008 1:00 PM

Vitiligo my ass. He looks like a kabuki actor. That used white out.

Posted by Sha | August 29, 2008 6:11 AM

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