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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Madonna’s New Head Gets Its Own Think Piece

posted by on August 6 at 10:42 AM


The meat of the essay from New York magazine:

Through some unholy marriage of extreme fitness and calorie restriction (and maybe a little lipo), women have figured out how to tame their aging bodies for longer than ever. You see them everywhere in New York City: forty- and fiftysomethings who look better than a 25-year-old in a fitted little dress or a tight pair of jeans. But this level of fitness has created a new problem to which the New New Face is the solution—gauntness. Past a certain age, to paraphrase Catherine Deneuve, it’s either your fanny or your face. In other words, if your body is fierce (from yoga, Pilates, and the treadmill), your face will have no fat on it either and it will be … unfierce. It was only a matter of time before a certain segment of the female population would figure out how to have it both ways, even if it means working out two hours a day and then paying someone to volumize their faces, as they say in the dermatology business. As a friend of mine recently pointed out, there is now a whole new class of women walking around with wiry little bodies and “big ol’ baby faces.” And they look, well, if not exactly young, then attractive in a different way. A yoga body plus the New New Face may not be a fountain of youth, but it’s a fountain of indeterminate age.

Read the whole thing here.

In other women-getting-weird-plastic surgery news: Lately I’ve been watching Melrose Place on DVD (it’s a stipulation of my parole, plus I missed it when it originally aired, and thus found myself severely lacking in sexy-blackmail skills) and was shocked when then-20-something Courtney Thorne-Smith smiled and showed cute little crinkly wrinkles around her eyes. This was back in the early ’90s, when such monstrosities were allowed on network television. Fifty bucks says Ms. Thorne-Smith has fewer wrinkles now as a 40-something TV actress than she did back then. RIP, crinkly eye wrinkles.

RSS icon Comments


Crows feet are ridiculously sexy.

But not on women.

Women with wrinkles are ugly and should be chopped up and fed to cattle.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 6, 2008 10:49 AM

Crypt Keeper + Pimp Hat = unfierce

Posted by ew. | August 6, 2008 10:50 AM

Mr. Poe, just because you prefer mummy republican men:

that's no excuse for being mean about women with wrinkles. So, please, don't reduce me to cattle food because I retain my eye crinkles.

Posted by PopTart | August 6, 2008 11:02 AM

I always imagine there being a certain "brittleness" in these night of living dead sex fiends in the city 50 is the new 20 women. Sort of like, during one night of intense physical passion and you'd hear a big "KRRRACKK" as the whole thing shatters on them due to lack of calcium and other nutrients.

Posted by John Bailo | August 6, 2008 11:04 AM

Yes New York is filled with women who don't want to appear their real age. As a New Yorker I can tell you that isn't a bonus.

Posted by Mike | August 6, 2008 11:05 AM

PopTart, I'd ask you to forgive me, but I am an asshole. And you should know that I would never chop you up and feed you to cattle.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 6, 2008 11:11 AM

I believe thinks Madonna has had cheek implants. Looking at that pic, I gotta agree.

Posted by Nora | August 6, 2008 11:13 AM

@3 - Excuse me, I am neither a republican or a mummy, but I do apparently have crows feet. I haven't seen them myself, as they are only visible when my eyes are closed, but yes, they are sexy.

Posted by Le Juif | August 6, 2008 11:17 AM

Blah blah blah women looks beauty blah blah.

Why do women obsess over beauty? Because our culture, and our media, obsess over their beauty, at the expense of giving a fair share of exposure to their accomplishments. I am way more interested in what women say, think, and do, than in how they meet society's ridiculous standards for looking good. Articles like this are trivial, and deserve much less attention than they get.

Posted by Irena | August 6, 2008 11:21 AM

@8 Sorry! I was trying to distract Mr. Poe from cutting me up and feeding me to cattle. You are most definitely not a mummy. I think you are quite handsome and Mr. Poe is very lucky he gets to gaze at your sexy crow's feet.

Posted by PopTart | August 6, 2008 11:29 AM

Has anyone else noticed that Madonna has turned into Madeline Kahn?

Posted by pox | August 6, 2008 11:29 AM

Irena, you are so right when we are talking about Meryl Streep or Madeleine Albright. But this is Madonna, who has built her entire career on her sexual desirability, which I have to say as a red blooded male I find entirely gone at this point. Live by the sword, die by the sword. So to speak.

Posted by Big Sven | August 6, 2008 11:37 AM

Madonna appears to have had that procedure which lifts the malar pad (which is the bit of fat that covers cheekbones in dewy youth but in age slips and becomes jowls). In her case they took too much and left her looking as though she has no back teeth, or is perpetually sucking on an invisible straw.

Posted by inkweary | August 6, 2008 11:48 AM
Has anyone else noticed that Madonna has turned into Madeline Kahn?

God, that would be stellar.

Posted by hohoho green giant | August 6, 2008 11:57 AM

that photo makes cindy mccain look hot in comparison.

how old is ms. ciccione now? 49?

Posted by max solomon | August 6, 2008 11:58 AM

That photo of Madonna = gross. There is no amount of money in the world you could pay me to fuck that disgusting corpse. Guy Ritchie, I pity you. Gals with wrinkles, be happy you don't look like that.

Posted by Hernandez | August 6, 2008 11:59 AM

"Sucking the invisible straw" heh, heh!!! Ain't invisible and it ain't no straw.

Posted by anon | August 6, 2008 11:59 AM

1) I love Madeline Kahn.

2) A friend once warned me: "After 40, women either turn into a cow or a goat."

I said, "I want to be a goat."

She said, "I want to be a cow."

Posted by Amelia | August 6, 2008 12:01 PM

Instead of talking about this "new class of women" as if they were mindless objects, why not talk to one and ask her what she has to say for herself? I imagine they make themselves look this or that way because they fucking can and they fucking want to and if they had needed you all to tell them what the ought to do, they'd have asked your opinions first. Shocker: they didn't ask you. Not everybody is a victim who needs you to enlighten them.

Posted by elenchos | August 6, 2008 12:11 PM

As an eyewitness, I can attest that PopTart is kind of hot.

Posted by Greg | August 6, 2008 12:30 PM


I believe they're getting divorced.

Posted by keshmeshi | August 6, 2008 12:33 PM

Didn't women used to "ripen"? There's something about this look that's like the tomatoes at the grocery store in January, they look good, but something's not quite right.

Posted by Westside forever | August 6, 2008 12:45 PM

wow, its like Madonna got fused with Micheal Jackson...... scary

Posted by Wurm | August 6, 2008 1:10 PM

I've recently noticed a whole slew of crinkly eye wrinkles on my face, and could not be happier about it.

They come from laughing, smiling, and living. You are a fucking jerk if you don't like to do those things.

The scars of life should be celebrated and respected, no matter what their form.

Posted by kerri harrop | August 6, 2008 1:15 PM

@ 24, amen, sister. Celebrities aside, there seems to be an emerging standard that for a woman over 40 to be competitive in the workplace or whatever, she must go under the knife to look good. These multi-thousands of dollar procedures aren't covered by insurance. Add this to the other expenses of 'looking good', and the fact we earn - whatsit - 70 cents on the dollar compared to men, and it's quite apparent that women in our so-called advanced society pay a premium that men do not.
Susan Sontag had a good bit about the lines on a woman's face being a result of her character and the life she lived, something to that effect.

Posted by Madashell | August 6, 2008 1:57 PM

Wait, who else thought Mr Poe's first comment meant he had a crow fetish?

Posted by Confused | August 6, 2008 2:02 PM

11--maddy kahn? she looked alot better than that, even just before she died (check out "judy berlin" her last movie). current madonna reminds me more of willem dafoe.

Posted by ellarosa | August 6, 2008 2:17 PM

A friend of mine had a sunken face from years of fighting AIDS. He got injections of something (I think it's called Resilin) and he looks great. Really, it worked wonders. He'll have to have it done every fews years but he looks much better.

Posted by Vince | August 6, 2008 2:49 PM

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