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Friday, August 22, 2008

I’m Not Sure I’m Allowed to Read This Story

posted by on August 22 at 14:34 PM

Much less link to it, but…

Meet Mayra Lizbeth Rosales. She’s so fat that she’s immobile. Actually, strike that—the woman was just mobile enough to beat her two year-old nephew to death. Now prosecutors are trying to figure out how to bring Rosales to trial. And that’s not going to be easy since she can’t “fit through a door to leave her home,” according to Time Magazine, which should be ashamed of itself for reporting this story at all.

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This is nothing a shotgun blast to the face, a chainsaw and a grill can't take care of.

Posted by Mr. Poe | August 22, 2008 2:44 PM

And Dan, don't forget she's charged with capital murder, meaning Texas runs the risk of crashing their entire electrical grid when they try to fry that gelatinous blob of homicide.

I suppose they could put her in a public swimming pool and toss in a dozen toasters.

Or they could just go the injection route: Sodium thiopental, pancuronium, potassium chloride...all washed down with a gallon of high fructose corn syrup.

All of this is moot, however, since her "last meal" will take years to finish.

Posted by Jubilation T. Cornball | August 22, 2008 2:46 PM


Justice BBQ!

Posted by bring your kids! | August 22, 2008 2:51 PM

Are you ashamed for reporting it?

Posted by w7ngman | August 22, 2008 2:51 PM

@4 for the win.

So, i'll bet she has a petite nose, and doesn't pick it ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 22, 2008 2:55 PM

She weighs 1,000 pounds. One. Thousand. Pounds. Jesus Christ!

Posted by Balt-O-Matt | August 22, 2008 3:00 PM

You sir, have condescension down to an art form.

Posted by UNPAID BLOGGER | August 22, 2008 3:06 PM

Maybe she killed him to eat him. Did you even think of her needs before baselessly accusing her?

Posted by brian | August 22, 2008 3:09 PM

Blow the fucking whale up!

Posted by Bellevue Ave | August 22, 2008 3:10 PM

Wow, she has to be my least favorite person on the planet right now (move over, Tyra)

Posted by indieguy322 | August 22, 2008 3:11 PM

If she can't leave her house, somebody must be bringing the food in (probably the sister whose child she just killed.) Just restrict the amount of food anybody's allowed to carry in, set a court date for six months out, and by then she'll be able to fit through the doorway.

In the meantime, while the state is constructing her special cell, she can be under house arrest -- they'll need to make a custom ankle bracelet.

She's not really a flight risk.

Posted by flamingbanjo | August 22, 2008 3:14 PM

I say burn the place down but be careful lard has a tendency to splatter and it is fire season.

Posted by I know whats eating Gilbert now | August 22, 2008 3:14 PM

A recent news article about a thousand pound man noted that a wall of his house was removed and he was hoisted, while still on his bed, with a fork lift, then placed on a flat-bed truck in order to get him to the hospital for stomach by-pass surgery. Texans enjoy nothing more than an execution so I don't understand their lack of intiative in this case.

Posted by inkweary | August 22, 2008 3:22 PM

It's not her fault she's that big. I'm sure she eats nothing but lettuce, her glands are just making her fat.

Posted by AMB | August 22, 2008 3:24 PM

She weighed a half ton. Of course she was going to do something horrible. You're a giant blob, you can't go outside... there's a lot of depression hidden under (and in) those folds.

Posted by Jason Josephes | August 22, 2008 3:29 PM

@11 FTW.

restricting her caloric intake to, say, 2500/day will be hellish for her. and make it really really healthy stuff - tofu, nuts, fresh fruit, salads.

an unusual punishment, but not really cruel.

Posted by max solomon | August 22, 2008 3:38 PM

Run a few pitbulls through her house. I guarantee you she'll get mobile real quickly.

Posted by Gomez | August 22, 2008 3:59 PM

Ultra-fat people even find suicide-by-cop more difficult than normal-size people.

Posted by Fnarf | August 22, 2008 4:15 PM

Are those service pitbulls?

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 22, 2008 4:19 PM

If she can't go to prison because she needs extensive medical care - then maybe they should just keep the doctors away from her and let nature take its course.

Posted by Robot | August 22, 2008 6:20 PM

Well, her cellmate won't have to fight her for top bunk.

Posted by ferretrick | August 22, 2008 6:37 PM

I bet she has nasty yeast infections in all those folds, but never mind...

Some consideration should be given to tapping her corpse as an alternative fuel source.

Posted by Ivan | August 22, 2008 7:50 PM

I don't understand why you enjoy it so much, Dan, I really don't.

Posted by Terry | August 22, 2008 8:07 PM

@11: They could probably make an ankle bracelet out of the tire rim from an 18-wheeler. Any junk yard in Texas probably has loads of them.

How was the kid not able to run away from this beached whale? I'm sure he could move a lot faster than she could. Then again, large objects do exert powerful gravitational forces of their own. He probably got sucked in by orbiting her too closely.

Posted by RainMan | August 22, 2008 8:43 PM

Damn! You all are so full of fat hatred! She is probably a horrible person...because she killed someone, not because she is fat. I feel sorry for anyone who weighs 1000 pounds. It has got to be a miserable life.

Posted by Kristin Bell | August 23, 2008 12:03 AM

The biggest question on my mind is: who the fuck, in their right fucking mind, brings food to someone who cannot fit through their door to get it themselves? Who.The.Fuck? I want names- is it the mother of the dead two year old? The mom who left her fucking 2 year old alone with someone incapable of acting accordingly to an emergency? Two year olds are at that "I'm gonna climb, eat and hit EVERYthing!" age. It's adorable but needs consistent watching. There is so much offensive and wrong with this... But really- who brings this woman food? They must really hate her guts. All 1,000lbs of them.

Posted by catnextdoor | August 23, 2008 1:04 AM

"Monk: Mr. Monk Meets Dale the Whale (#1.4)" (2002)

Biederbeck: "The Internet, Monk. It's the fat man's best friend."

Posted by a.Monk | August 23, 2008 11:35 AM

These are the best comments on a Slog post, ever.

Posted by Nick | August 24, 2008 12:19 AM

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