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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Here’s Your Damn Coupon!

posted by on August 12 at 16:23 PM

Oh, the wretched doubters of me! Rude infidels! Unbelievers! How silly they are. Behold the following, comment 26 from this post:

I think this is a crock of horse hockey. Fred Meyer coupons are very specific about the products they’re good for. And I’ve never seen a manufacturer’s coupon for “any dairy product.” Scan the coupon for us to see.

Posted by smells like a fish tale | August 11, 2008 9:19 PM

“Horse hockey”, indeed! Well, then, dear “smells like a fish tale”…because you insist:


Yes. There it is, the coupon: all fugly and scanned and coupon-ey, just for you. And as you can clearly see, it says, ahem, ANY FUCKING DAIRY PURCHASE, just I like I said it said—and just like you insisted it probably didn’t. There are no restrictions, and nowhere—front or back—does it say anything resembling, “Oh! And, uh, cheese doesn’t count for some unfathomable reason!” And so. I win of course. And I shall expect your sincere apology, in writing, double spaced, immediately. Notarized couldn’t hurt.

And thanks in advance.

RSS icon Comments


Not to split hairs, but it doesn't say "any dairy product", it says "purchase", and has a picture of yogurt, sour cream, milk, and cottage cheese(?).

Still, Fred Meyer is in the wrong on this one. Bet it doesn't work on eggs, either. Does it say anything on the back, or is it clipped from a newspaper?

Posted by Dougsf | August 12, 2008 4:41 PM

Umm. Eggs being totally dairy, of course. How could Fred Meyer deny it?!

Posted by leek | August 12, 2008 4:42 PM

Such a sad life yours seems to be when reflecting on what you come up with to bitch about.

You must be absolutely dreadful to be around/date/love

Posted by Non | August 12, 2008 4:43 PM

Loving Adrian! is not dreadful, Non. Each day of loving him opens up beautiful new vistas. As does each day of hating your inane posts.

Posted by elenchos | August 12, 2008 4:47 PM

Uh oh... I totally bitch about stuff like this (proving I'm right when someone insists I'm not). I guess this explains why no one wants to be around me or make the sweet love. Sniff!

Posted by leek | August 12, 2008 4:48 PM

Which is worse, I wonder, the one who bitches, or the one who bitches about the bitching?


Posted by COMTE | August 12, 2008 4:49 PM

Oh, and as a former employee of a dairy products manufacturer, I can say without equivocation that - CHEESE is FUCKING DAIRY!

Posted by COMTE | August 12, 2008 4:51 PM

What category do eggs fall under? They're in the dairy case but they're not from cows. They're sort of like pre-meat, but they're not in the meat case. What rubric do they fall under?

Posted by Eliza | August 12, 2008 4:57 PM

I am not the one being inane here, elenchos.

Really? A blog entry about "ZOMG"!! WRONGED BY COUPONS AT THE FRED MAYER!

Adrian must have some SERIOUS dirt on Dan Savage to be kept around for this long, even at such a diminished capacity.

Well, at least he can keep it on his resume along with waiting tables.

Posted by Non | August 12, 2008 4:58 PM

keep going, please, NON! you are endlessly amusing in your total wrongness about every little thing. and let me tell you this one last time, you silly little fuckwit: i have never waited a table, as much as you might wish and wish that i had for some reason. i have never worked in food service. and my resume is none of your fucking business.

Posted by adrian! | August 12, 2008 5:02 PM

@8: Aborted unborn children, dammit!

Posted by banjoboy | August 12, 2008 5:04 PM

Never doubt the Adrian!

Posted by wisepunk | August 12, 2008 5:08 PM

I totally adore Adrian's lunatic rants. They're consistently among the funniest posts on Slog.

Posted by Reverse Polarity | August 12, 2008 5:09 PM

God I love Fred Meyer...

Posted by Amelia | August 12, 2008 5:11 PM

It would seem that cottage cheese counts as dairy, based on the photo. So it must cease to become a dairy product after it is set up as hard cheese.

Posted by kinaidos | August 12, 2008 5:13 PM

as long as everyone pronounces it "KOO-pon", not fucking "Queue-pon", then i don't give a fig.

Posted by max solomon | August 12, 2008 5:13 PM

I'm in love. I don't know with what or whom. @#3 - gag on it.

- B

Posted by Brendan T. | August 12, 2008 5:23 PM

How are eggs even remotely dairy? Dairy means it is milk or a milk product. Is there really confusion here?

Posted by Julie | August 12, 2008 5:25 PM


Computer says No.


Posted by Freddy Kroeger | August 12, 2008 5:26 PM

Step off, Non, you bitter sack of wannabe!

@elenchos - You are so right about loving Adrian! A beautiful vista indeed!

Posted by Soupytwist | August 12, 2008 5:26 PM

i think im in love.

Posted by um | August 12, 2008 5:27 PM

The funny part here is that Adrian (and many of you) are arguing the fine points of food science with a room-temperature-IQ Fred Meyer checkout clerk.

Posted by rjh | August 12, 2008 5:28 PM

oh and, eggs aren't dairy or meat, they're parve.

Posted by um | August 12, 2008 5:28 PM

i think we are all avoiding the real issue here. adrian is obviously correct about the cheese, since it still contains many of the lactose bits that would define it as "dairy" (pushed and prodded, but still, dairy bits). But what about butter?!?!? you have to have started with the "dairy" (again, lactose) but then take out all the fats (not dairy) and lump them together. that's a more interesting argument than this one, on which Adrian has clearly PWNd all you haters.

and yeah, KOO-pons suck.

Posted by exiledinLA | August 12, 2008 5:31 PM

The text says Dairy.

The picture says Eggs, Milk, and Yogurt.

Don't see any Cheese.


Posted by Will in Seattle | August 12, 2008 5:37 PM

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

Thanks for scanning the coupon.

Although I can guess what they meant by "dairy," Fred Meyer will be hard pressed to define the coupon to exclude cheese from the definition of dairy.

Dairy: fluid milk products, yogurt, cottage cheese, sour cream. Not cheese or ice cream.

Posted by was: smells like a fish tale/now: how could I have doubted adrian | August 12, 2008 5:48 PM

Sometimes Will in Seattle makes me doubt my own sanity. Unless I'm going crazy, there are no eggs in that picture.

Posted by Julie | August 12, 2008 5:48 PM


We remove comments that are off topic, threatening, or commercial in nature, and we do not allow sock-puppetry (impersonating someone else)—or any kind of puppetry, for that matter. We never censor comments based on ideology.

Posted by Self-Hating Hipster | August 12, 2008 6:05 PM

drinking your PBR tallboys

Why hate on the PBR tallboy? I'd rather be sipping maitais but the PBR is priced for my budget.

Posted by brokeass non-hipster | August 12, 2008 6:11 PM

You know what would be awesome? If hundreds of people with this coupon descended on the store at the same time and tried to use it for eggs, cheese, soy milk, goat's milk, tofu, ice cream, non-dairy creamer etc etc. And scream that they're discriminating against the disabled (lactose-intolerant) and Asians (many lactose-intolerant) and vegans. The words genocide and hate-crime should be thrown around carelessly.

Adrian, please arrange and record. Thx! :)

Posted by banjoboy | August 12, 2008 6:27 PM

Eggs, of course, aren't dairy since they don't come from the business end of a cow. As @23 points out, they're parve. I do wonder about Velveeta, however.

Posted by RainMan | August 12, 2008 6:27 PM

Its mostly likely just that grocery stores put cheese with the meat in the deli department.

Posted by vooodooo84 | August 12, 2008 7:23 PM

I'm with #16! What the hell is a q-pon?

Posted by Katie B | August 12, 2008 8:26 PM

This is totally weird. I agree with elenchos.

Yeah, and what's up Will in Seattle? Don't make me think I'm crazy. Eggs are not dairy. Eggs are not in the picture.

I support a coupon protest! Try to use the coupons for eggs, cheese and soy milk. God, I wish I lived in Seattle.

Posted by Papayas | August 12, 2008 8:48 PM

maybe "horse hockey" just wanted you to scan the coupon so he could print it off and save three bucks?

Posted by alex | August 12, 2008 9:09 PM

i live in anchorage and I also tried to use my coupon to buy some cheese. If you look closely it does say that the purchase must be a minimum of $5. I was also informed by the cashier that the purchase had to be one dairy item.

I still think it is a total load of bullshit.

Posted by Lolo | August 12, 2008 9:16 PM

I tried to use mine a few hours back to get some yogurt and everything was proceeding swimmingly until that coupon was scanned--chaos ensued, the register locked up, and I'd probably still be there waiting if it weren't for my resourceful cashier who used math of all skills to figure out the price with the discount. I applaud you Fred Meyer woman. Now I have a fresh bowl of Greek Yogurt waiting for the arrival of it's friends blueberries, grapes and melon. Solid.

Posted by The Warden | August 12, 2008 9:27 PM

bet silly goats like Adrian don't know you can use that coupon at QFC - cause Fred M. owns them - Adrian try it on Bwy. late at night - the nice guys work then and you are of the night... n'est pas?

small drama in small lives

eggs are dairy - cows now shit eggs?

honeys go to the farm zoo for a few hours

Posted by Yuk | August 13, 2008 12:48 AM

Q-Pon. I will not change and I will not apologize.

Posted by Jennifer | August 13, 2008 6:51 AM

Adrian! once again proves he is ALWAYS right. When will you people understand that?


Also, Non: Dude/tte don't hate on what you can't have. I know it's hard, because Adrian is so amazing, but really. Your jealousy is ugly. Hell, I'd want try to turn him straight if I could, but I can't. Some dreams we just have to let go of. Now fly away Non....Fly away...

Posted by Original Monique | August 13, 2008 8:51 AM


Butter is dairy, no question. It's just cream that has had most of the whey (the liquid) removed and then been agitated (churned) to emulsify the remaining liquid with the fats and solids.


Ice Cream NOT dairy? You're joking, right?

Look there's a very simple test to determine whether something is dairy or not: find a friend who's Lactose Intolerent, and ask them which of the following list of products they can or cannot consume:

Sour Cream
Cottage Cheese
Ice Cream

I can pretty much guaran-fucking-tee you every item above will be on their "can't consume" list.

Depending on the degree of their intolerence, they MIGHT be able to handle small amounts of any of these items, but they're still going to have some sort of adverse reaction depending on the amount consumed.

In short: if someone who's LI can't eat it, it's dairy.

Posted by COMTE | August 13, 2008 9:47 AM

Adrian's a guy?

Posted by Cattymaran | August 13, 2008 9:51 AM

@27 - the dairy aisle in Fred Meyer has eggs. If you shopped there you'd know that.

Posted by Will in Seattle | August 13, 2008 10:19 AM

@39: just consult dicionary.

and Kudos is singular.

Posted by max solomon | August 13, 2008 10:58 AM

44 -
That's the way folks said it where I grew up, and that's the way I'm going to keep saying it.

Posted by Jennifer | August 13, 2008 11:13 AM

I would have used the picture on the coupon as a guide, but you are right, cheese is a dairy product.

Granted, most cheese is in the deli section, however, most of the "gourmet" cheese is usually found near the dairy department.

I wonder what would have happened if you tried to buy condensed milk.

Posted by elswinger | August 13, 2008 12:15 PM

What the fuck is parve, anyway? It's "a Hebrew term that describes food without any animal or dairy ingredients," also/or "containing no meat or milk (or their derivatives)...Fish, eggs, fruits and vegetables are parve."

OK, eggs? While not techinically meat, I guess, are not at least a meat derivative? They're fucking chicken embryos! Abortion in a shell, people. At the very least they're lifeless, cholesterol-laden chicken ovary/chicken vagina derivatives. Doesn't that kinda sorta, politically-incorrectly make them a meat derivative?

And is a fish not an animal? While not a mammal, it is technically an animal, and oh, yes, definitely a meat (collective tissue of a dead animal)...Silly Jews.

Last but not least - if that coupon really said "any fucking dairy purchase", it would be the coolest coupon ever.

I love you, Adrian. Fuck that number 3 guy. Asshole.

Posted by ab fab | August 13, 2008 12:58 PM

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